Where Did She Go?

My daughter Elizabeth was complaining the other night at bedtime about a bunch of stuff.  I said, “Let’s pray about it. To which she replied with a wail, “But that never works!  I pray and God doesn’t answer.” Oh dear! I thought. I put my hand gently on her forehead and rubbed her eyebrow with… Continue reading Where Did She Go?

Pulling Weeds

I’ve been pulling weeds a lot lately…so much so that I have dreams about pulling large weeds out of my lawn.  I kid you not.  I see their long tentacles grasping the life out of my sweet little grass and I must pull!  Apparently it is a cathartic exercise for me because I can really get carried away with my war… Continue reading Pulling Weeds

Growing My Grassy Garden and Other Things

I’m a gardener-wannabe.  I have so many friends who have flourishing gardens.  Alas, I have a black thumb when it comes to gardening.  No one truly has believed me until now.  This summer, I have proof.  And it isn’t even the dead cherry tree in the side yard.   My yard is full of clover and… Continue reading Growing My Grassy Garden and Other Things

I’ve always said that the adjective that best describes my house is “sticky” – not the most sought after description I know.  But today, I feel like I might actually be living in the bottom of an old cracker box…full of crumbs and cracker dust.  Seriously, everywhere I look is a preponderance of dust.  Not sure what changed but…dang!

Recently I have had SO much to do and SO little time to do it.  It isn’t like that is unusual for me, but this time I have a contractual deadline for a project so I gotta get it done and I can’t just do my usual fly by the seat of my pants thing.  I must do this really well.  Actually I’d prefer to do everything really well.

Last month was crazy busy. I don’t think I’ve ever understood that phrase to the extent that I do now.  Between end of the school year activities, room mom responsibilities, senior graduation and all the accompanying  things, parties, birthdays, 3 trips out of town to help with my parents’ health issues, and…oh yeah…I got the first edits of a big project in the middle of it all.  Nothing like “perfect” timing.  I must believe that God has this all under control because I most definitely do not.

I seem to be back in my sleep-a-little, work-a-lot mode.  And unfortunately, as I’m working so hard on so many things, my house gets dustier and dustier and dustier. The dishes get done, the laundry gets done and meals get made.  Well….meals…hmmmm…I feel like I’m not doing the best job on that front either…thankfully I have children who are good eaters because I’m throwing veggies and fruit at them all the time to make up for the lame meals I’m preparing.  I’m blessed to have understanding children…who are also quite good at flying by the seat of their pants!

See I am helping my children without even realizing it!  I’m helping them be flexible, spontaneous and not easy flustered by unexpected scheduling issues.  I love how God can take one of my many flaws and turn it around to something kinda positive.

So now I’m figuring out how to breath better in the midst of my sticky,dusty chaos…I’m trying to chill a bit.  Do any of you struggle with chillin’?  I’m finding it incredibly difficult not to feel like I’m in a whirlwind mentally, emotionally, and even physically lately.  I believe it all begins with simply too much to think about, consider, deal with and decide.  I’m wanting a mental break not a mental breakdown.  Being mentally overloaded tends to make me feel emotionally spent as well.  I feel frazzled and a bit hopeless in my outlook which tends to make me either sad or fussy depending on the situation or day.  All that mental and emotional baggage makes my bed lumpy so I don’t tend to sleep well.  I have some silly health issues which make sleep imperative so if I don’t get sleep I worry about my health and then I feel worse. Know what I mean?  Mind games…and not fun ones.

Thankfully, I feel like I’m coming out on the other side of my little black rain cloud…or maybe I should say my funnel cloud.  And it isn’t because things have necessarily gotten “better,” but I believe I’ve gotten better at dealing with things – those blasted things that destroy my peace, overwhelm me and make my house dusty.

My faith is strengthening me –  God has not abandoned me.  I’m continually learning to trust Him.  He is working all this for good in my life because I love Him.  My friends are strengthening me with kind and encouraging words…and also a few “put your big girl pants on” words.  My children are strengthening me simply because I love them so dearly and want to give them my best.  They don’t need a whiny, fussy, overwhelmed mommy!  And I am putting on my big girl pants because I want to be the best woman and mom I can be.

I must get my focus off of the chaos and onto the hope God gives me.  And I’ll have to get used to the dust because the to do list isn’t shrinking anytime soon!

thinking thankfully

I’m sitting on the deck of a beach house in the Outer Banks.  It is simply beautiful.  I have a deadline for a writing project and I thought this would be an ideal location to work.  Alas, it is not.  Everytime I sneak out to the balcony to work, children follow.  At the moment two… Continue reading thinking thankfully

My Pot of Honey

So I realized my life is really serious.  And, I’m not a terribly serious person.  I’m always talking about all the things that happen in my life that are difficult to deal with because that is where I am. I sound a little like Eeyore when I’m really more like Tigger, although lately, I’ve been… Continue reading My Pot of Honey

“Mommy, you forgot my show and tell today…again.” 

That’s how my sweet preschooler greeted me today after preschool.  Yup.  I forgot.  I think I’ve forgotten more than remembered.  She is scheduled for Monday morning show and tell which usually would be great for my just get it done attitude.  BUT I don’t ever think about it in the crazy mad rush on Sunday night or Monday morning.

I’m pretty sure I’m the reigning most pathetic mom at preschool so I can’t bring myself to ask for a different day.

I really need to get over trying to appear like I have it all together.  I joke that I can’t even give the illusion of being organized.  I used to be able to at least appear like I was slightly organized.  Now…not so much.  Things are always falling by the wayside. I have lists.  I have calendars.  I have more lists.  No matter how hard I try, I end up forgetting something daily.

The good thing is I haven’t forgotten any of my children anywhere yet.  (Oh golly…now I’m gonna forget someone cause I said that!)

I used to be so much about appearing like I could handle this life really well – you know that organized, put-together, calm mom – on the outside, I mean.  I’ve always been a bit of a mess on the inside.  But now…things are different.  It’s interesting how God works in our lives.  Now, when my outside world seems most out of control  — crazy schedule, mile long to-do list, forgotten stuff, mismatched socks on my 4-year-old (well, actually that’s her choice), cluttered living, endless laundry, too many books, papers and crayons and an unknown number of house projects — my inside world, my heart and soul, is at peace.

And by peace I mean that peace which passes all understanding – you know that God peace.  I still have worries, stress and occasional emotional meltdowns.  But I feel a current of peace under the storm of my life.  I think it’s because I’m learning to be thankful for what God is doing in my life.  I’m thankful for how He takes care of us, provides for us and shows His love for us in big and little ways. There is A LOT I would change about my life, but there is a lot I wouldn’t change at all.

You know that verse in Philippians 4 that talks about God’s peace which passes all understanding guarding our hearts and minds? That guarding peace is because we rejoice (vs 4), we are willing to put aside our rights for others (vs 5), we have an eternal perspective (vs 5), when we are anxious, we fight it with prayer (vs.6), and we are thankful (vs 7).  That’s quite a list – I like lists.  I believe that the key is prayer with thanksgiving.

As I’m faced with daunting tasks and difficult decisions, I’m trying to find something to be grateful for in the process.  Right now I’m trying to figure out how to address my little girls’ learning issues next year. I can get rather anxious about it – it’s a big deal and the options are limited and expensive.  What can I be thankful for?  That these sweet little girls are mine.  That there are options – and some are pretty good.  That I know that He loves my little girls even more than I do – unfathomable.  That I know that He has a great plan for their lives.  And that He will show me the right path in His time (which, by the way, is NEVER the same as my time).

That is one of the big ones for me right now — others are college decisions and paying for college for my oldest, raising a teenage girl in this culture, a little boy who needs a godly man to step into his world and ask deep questions, and the thousands of other decisions that need my attention each day.  I’m sure we all have ridiculously long and complicated lists.  Even in the midst of all the yuck of our lives, we can choose to be thankful and focus on the good things.  There’s gotta be a good thing or two or more.  I just know it.

I might not have it all together for more than 5 seconds a day, but I have a lot to be thankful for so maybe having it all together isn’t the be all end all I thought it was.  Maybe I can just be messy me who forgets stuff and gets weepy at times, who can choose to smile while tripping over the clutter of a house full of children I love with abandon and who occasionally forgets to pack show and tell for her preschoolers.

I guess what I’m sharing is — we don’t have to have it all together to be blessed or to be a blessing.

In the Moment Joy

I love how God is such an “in the moment” teacher.  Last night I had the sweetest little bedtimes with my two littlest girls and my youngest son.  I prayed with them, tucked them in and kissed them goodnight.  1 1/2 hours later – that sweet little bedtime became oh so very different…let’s just say I HOPE I’m… Continue reading In the Moment Joy

Up To My Toes – Learning to Walk on the Water in the Midst of Life’s Storms

At first glance it might seem like it should read “up to my nose.”  That makes more sense – I’m up to my nose in issues, challenges, difficulties, laundry, dishes, clutter, and children.  BUT that’s not what I want for me.  That’s not what I want for anyone.  What I want is to focus on… Continue reading Up To My Toes – Learning to Walk on the Water in the Midst of Life’s Storms

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