Where Did She Go?

goofy pic

My daughter Elizabeth was complaining the other night at bedtime about a bunch of stuff. 

I said, “Let’s pray about it.

To which she replied with a wail, “But that never works!  I pray and God doesn’t answer.”

Oh dear! I thought.

I put my hand gently on her forehead and rubbed her eyebrow with my thumb, “Honey, what have you prayed about that you feel God hasn’t answered?”

“Moooom! I don’t wanna talk about it,” she wailed and turned her head away.

I moved in closer and took her in my arms.  I insisted gently that I really wanted to know.  And the answer was a bit shocking.

“I’ve been praying for a nice mommy, “ she sniffled. “You haven’t changed.”

Ouch.

I kept her in my arms.  Stunned.   I was prepared for a boo-boo not healed, or playmate issue at recess, or a gift not received…but it was me?!?

Apparently I used to be a nice mommy.  Now…not so much. 

I’ve thought about it a lot since then because I’ve been known to write that I used to be a nice mommy.  What changed?

Certainly there is a measure of me changing.  And there is a bit of change going on in our lives – children growing older and hopefully more responsible, more stresses with school and work, etc.

I think Elizabeth is feeling bummed that growing up a bit makes you have to be more responsible.  You know, do chores…pick up your room…do dishes…clear your plate from the table, etc.  I also expect her to be respectful and obedient.  That’s hard stuff when your 6.  When you want to play with your dolls and Mom wants you to clean up for dinner!  That is simply unacceptable circumstances for a 6 year old ….well, at least my 6 year old.

On the other hand, I think I’m having a bit of a fussy season.  It isn’t constant or even daily, it’s just that sometimes this single mama thing is no fun.  Not that life should always be fun…well…personally I’d like it to be…wish it was…but it isn’t.  J 

I think that this life sometimes just overtakes me with worries, concerns, to-do lists and chores (and maybe even some hormones…but don’t tell anyone.)  And when those overwhelming moments hit, I can be slightly irritated and maybe a smidge cross.  When I was little my Mama used to say, “Susie, don’t get your knickers twisted.”  Well, my knickers are definitely twisted, tangled, knotted, and snarled at times.

I suspect my children are all too aware of my knickers situation.  I believe my little girl would appreciate me getting myself untwisted, untangled, unknotted and unsnarled.  I believe I would as well.

Practically speaking there are some steps I could take…the biggest being SLEEP.  But since that’s unlikely what else can I do? 

Pray.  Read His words of comfort and peace to me.  Be thankful.  Get organized.  Ask for help. 

Oh and take a loooooong bubble bath. 

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4 Comments

  1. God bless you!! You have a huge job! Being a mommy is the biggest blessing but a single mom is definetly tough! Hang in there and count your blessings. I was diagnosed with cancer six years ago and nearly died. My marriage fell apart and my kids both chose to stay two states away when I moved to stay with family. I let them choose and I miss them terribly. My daughter is only ten and I wasnt ready to let her go. Enjoy your little ones and be happy whatever stage you are in with your babies! Life goes to fast and is certainly uncertain! God bless and hugs!

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