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A Quiver Full of Wonderful

by Sue Birdseye

Recently I was interviewed for an article in an absolutely beautiful Christian magazine. It was a pleasure to speak to the interviewer and I hoped that my message would be a blessing to anyone who read the article.

Unfortunately, I was not blessed by reading the article. I was distraught. I was so surprised by the things I was quoted as saying. I can’t imagine saying them. In fact, I’m pretty sure I didn’t. If I did, I need to apologize to every reader. I really truly hope I didn’t.

There were several quotes that frustrated me but one that simply pushed me over the edge.

“I don’t think I was a bad wife. We just had lots of kids,
and life got in the way of our marriage.”

WHAT????? I can’t believe those words would have come out of my mouth! Lots of kids…well…yeah, but they are a BLESSING!!!!!

And life got in the way of our marriage? Our life was part of our marriage…the choices we made together to raise children, adopt children, homeschool children, work a high-pressured job, and be involved in our church and community were things that together we decided would enrich our marriage, our family, and our life.

I NEVER EVER EVER want my children to think that they in ANY WAY had ANY PART in the divorce of their parents. THEY DID NOT!!!!

My husband leaving was solely his deal. His issue…not mine and most definitely NOT THEIRS!

I’m not sure if you can tell that I’m quite passionate about this…quite annoyed too.

This is exactly the message I hear so often – “Well, your life was really full…” as if full is a bad thing!?!

Full of what?

Children?

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5

God has a wonderful way of describing a house full of children – a heritage, a reward, arrows, a blessing…what’s not to like about that!

YES! Our life was full…it was full of…LIFE!

Meals shared, prayers uttered, stories read, games played, hugs and kisses given, bedtime snuggles, wrestling matches, workdays, school book studying, chores nagging, yard work doing, church services worshipping, Bible study learning, small group getting-together, pool splashing, bike riding, football throwing, soccer ball booting, basketball shooting, scraped knees and broken bone comforting, vacation loving, family visiting, being and growing and doing this whole living thing together!

It was not perfect, but it was beautiful. It was crazy. It was fun. It was frustrating. It was difficult. It was loving. It was a blessing. It was our life. And it was worth fighting for.

I guess I just want to say that I don’t believe that I was perfect nor do I believe that our life was perfect, but I do believe that it was just right for us. I believe that our children were and still are blessings…wonderful, silly, sometimes stinky blessings.

I believe that the challenges are worth it.

I believe that the day to day living of life as a family is exquisite.

I know I cannot go back and fix my family or that article…but I can tell you that it has given me a new resolve to enjoy my family…all the exhaustion, all the chaos, all the challenges… it has reminded me that this life is a blessing that I don’t want to miss.

Lately I’ve uttered words to God like, “I don’t want to do this anymore,” and “I can’t do this anymore.” But God is reminding me that I do really want to do this life…that I love this life. And He is showing me that I can do this because I have Him…and it is worth the fight.

I might have lost the fight for my marriage, but I did not lose the fight for my family. I have them right here with me and I’m proud to say that I have a full quiver of arrows! I will be the mighty warrior in this family and protect and fight for it!

Adultery and Abandonment Divorce Survival Faith Joy Single Parenting Thankfulness

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Are You Stuck in a Miry Bog Too?

by Sue Birdseye

A lot of people have told me lately that I’m too hard on myself. That I refer to myself as a mess way too much.
I believe them.

The problem is that I feel like a mess…I feel like I just can’t get my life together…any part of it.
I told a friend recently that I feel like a spinning top…all wobbly and going in circles. See…that’s not positive either. Honest but not positive.

My friend replied that I’m not a spinning top. I just have a lot of spinning plates and some of them are wobbly. I think they are all wobbly…but that’s just me.

The problem is that my life is messy….maybe I’m not the mess…maybe it’s my life. And I’ve never been partial to playing in the mud.

I believe I’m kinda in the muck right now. It’s a rather yucky place to be. I’m not very fond of it.

Muck reminds me of some verses:

I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon the rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3

Do you know what a miry bog is? It’s like a muddy swamp. When I think of a swamp I think of a slimy, smelly, wet place. (Actually it also makes me think of Scooby-Doo….the swamp monster or beast or whatever it was called. There are days when I think I might be the swamp monster!?!)

A miry bog is a place where our feet get trapped in mud…where we can sink down and get stuck.

Right now, miry bog feels about right. I’m feeling rather swampy…although I don’t believe I’m slimy or smelly or wet. Just a bit…
ugh…a bit down and stuck.

It’s a difficult place for me. I thought I was done with down. I did the down and stuck thing when my husband left…I don’t want to do it again.

So in the midst of my swamp, what am I to do?

Psalm 40 says I’m to wait patiently for the Lord…at least that’s what the psalmist did. I can do that…I think. I mean honestly my feet are kinda stuck here…my heart is sinking…and my mind is definitely muddy.

Stuck feet…sinking heart…muddy mind. Oh dear.

The cool thing about reading a whole passage of Scripture not a verse or two is that you often get a very beautiful thing…a lovely present from God.

I decided to read all of Psalm 40 and how very glad I am that I did. God showed me is that this psalmist is speaking my heart.

The psalm begins with a remembrance of God’s deliverance and a time of praising God for all He has done…for His continued faithfulness and provision.

The psalmist also reminds God that he has been faithful to share all the wonderful things God has done.

I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O LORD. I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation. (9-10)

The next part of the passage is the psalmist asking again for God’s deliverance. He’s facing new trials.

For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me. Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me! (12-13)

That’s how I’m feeling right now. When my husband left and divorce became a reality and single parenting became my life, God faithfully inclined his ear to me and heard my cry. He delivered me. He gave me a song of praise to share.

But now things are all wonky again and I need some serious rescuing…again.

And, like the psalmist, I believe and trust that God is going to deliver me. I even on some level have an excitement about what God is going to do. I just know that He is going to do something grand in my life. Even if it isn’t grand by the world’s standards, it will be a blessing by mine.

As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God! (17)

How often have I wanted to say, “Do not delay God! Please work quickly!”

I know that God’s timing is always perfect…maybe I should say that it always results in the perfect thing, but His timing definitely does NOT feel perfect sometimes. Sometimes perfect to me means RIGHT NOW!! Who am I kidding…not sometimes, ALL THE TIME!

BUT I trust Him. I know Him to be faithful and I know that He will always and only do what is the very best thing for me and mine.

As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! (11)

He’s taking me to a deeper understanding of His love for me…it’s a glorious thing but oh I have so much to work through in my own heart so that I can receive all that He has in store for me.

Thankfully He does not leave me to work alone…He is totally in charge of the work and the worksite! I’m excited to see what He does and where He takes me in His word and in my life.

God is teaching me so much about Himself and myself. I can’t wait to share. I just want to get my thoughts in order and make sure that what I share blesses you.

Praying that you will seek God, be glad in Him and continually say, “Great is the LORD!”

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the LORD!” (16)

Adultery and Abandonment Divorce Survival Faith Prayer Single Parenting Thankfulness

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Loving the Unlovable…Seriously Unlovable

by Sue Birdseye

A few weeks ago I posted about being done. These past several weeks have been a bit difficult with regard to my attitude about my ex-husband.

I forgave him 3 years ago, but sometimes I still get annoyed with him. Sometimes I just want him to be nice. And sometimes I want him to just go away already!

I’ve been pondering the whole response to an ex that ain’t perfect. And I’m acknowledging right here and now that neither am I. Sometimes he just seems a lot less perfect than me…but then again, I know that isn’t exactly accurate either. I have my own issues and only by the grace of God do I live.

And although at this time in my life I’m writing as it relates to my ex-husband, I believe that God is showing me this is the way I’m to live period…in an attitude of love, goodness, blessing and prayer. My eyes focused not on my life, not on my circumstances, and not on the wrongs done to me, but rather focused with laser intensity on Jesus!

The verse that God is continually bringing me to is Luke 6:27-28

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

It seems harsh to refer to my ex-husband as my enemy…although sometimes it feels that way. I believe that he isn’t my enemy. I think I feel like I’m in a battle with him, but maybe we are more like opponents in a tennis match…but there’s definitely no love in the score.

“Love your enemies”

Awww Lord, really?

Love…do good…bless…pray…

Love him? Love him. Really?

What does that even look like? ‘Cause I did that for a long time and it didn’t end so well. So I’m praying as I write because I really don’t know what that looks like.

Talking about love always reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Love is:

Patient, Kind, Does not envy or boast, Not arrogant or rude, Does not insist on its own way, Is not irritable or resentful, Does not rejoice in wrongdoing, Rejoices in the truth, BEARS ALL THINGS, BELIEVES ALL THINGS, HOPES ALL THINGS, ENDURES ALL THINGS

Ok, I’m seriously convicted.

Am I patient with God’s dealing with my situation and my ex? Am I kind in the face of my ex’s attitudes, accusations, and actions? Am I rude when I could choose to be kind? Do I insist that things go my way regardless of God’s plan? Am I irritable and resentful? (ugh…definitely) I do not believe I rejoice in my ex’s wrongdoings but maybe I do a bit when it’s me trying to justify my angry response to him. Do I rejoice in the truth? Golly, I hope so.

But in this circumstance do I bear, believe, hope and endure all things? Nope, I wanna crawl in my closet and hide. And when that doesn’t happen I want to yell and argue and fight with my ex.

Who am I kidding…I can’t do those things? Love like that? That’s not logical.

But when has God called me to do something that He hasn’t enabled me to do? Seriously never!

Once again I’m gonna have to rely solely on Jesus. After all He has given us “a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

And I’m totally going to need that spirit in my life because not only am I called to love that man, but do good, bless and pray for him.

Do good too?

Bless Him?!?!

Pray for him…okay I can do that.

I checked out Matthew 5:43-48 in The Message. (That Bible phone app rocks!)

You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worse. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best – the sun to warm and the rain to nourish – to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that… “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”

Well that kinda puts it all in perspective. Let them bring out the best in you…respond with the energies of prayer.

Respond with prayer to someone who is a pain.

God keeps reminding me of that prayer thing. It IS the only answer. I believe maybe I need to be putting my energies into prayer rather than thinking about how angry I am or even figuring out how not to be angry.

And praying will certainly help me be my best…my God-created best. And that will definitely help me live generously and graciously toward my ex-husband.

I believe I will pray for God to enable me to live the way God lives toward me!

Adultery and Abandonment Divorce Survival Faith Forgiveness Joy Prayer Single Parenting

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Prayer and My Best Friend

by Sue Birdseye

I’ve been wanting to write about prayer for several days now.

Yesterday was the National Day of Prayer and I didn’t realize it until I checked Facebook. I love it when a plan comes together!

Prayer. There is something about that word…it’s peaceful to me. It’s like a sigh.

My prayers have been many things though….sighs, sobs, rants, complaints, praises, thanks, and everything in between.

And honestly, sometimes my prayers have been quite lame. By that I mean, they’ve been few and far between or just, what I call, “hail mary” prayers…thrown up in a time of need or exasperation. Those are never pretty.

Pondering prayer brings to mind all those friends I enjoy talking to, the friends who are willing to listen, help, comfort, guide, hold me accountable, advise, and be part of my life. I’m so thankful for them. And I long to bless them…to talk to them, encourage them, thank them, share the good things with them, share my concerns with them, and love them well.

And thinking about their willingness to be part of my life reminds me of how much my Lord enjoys being a part of my life.

It makes my day to get a letter, call or text from someone I love. I imagine God is the same way when we take the time to think of Him, talk to Him, or share with Him. He loves us so much.

And I know that He desires a relationship with me. I think to some degree…or maybe mostly…that relationship is very much up to me. He’s always willing and waiting every moment of every day…I just need to make the time.

The great people of the earth are the people who pray. I do not mean those who talk about prayer; not those who say they believe in prayer; nor yet those who can explain about prayer; but I mean those people who take time and pray. They have not time. It must be taken from something else. This something else is important – very important and pressing, but still less important and pressing than prayer.” SD Gordon

I found that quote in a little brochure about praying for my children. It’s so convicting to me – I talk a lot about praying, but I could stand to talk less and pray A LOT more.

Just like when we think of our friends and reach out to them, I know the Lord is happy when I think of Him and reach out to Him. I’m determined when I think of Him I’m gonna talk to Him.

Just like my friends, I want to bless Him however I can. And any time in His presence absolutely blesses me.

Prayer…my sweet peace is with Him. I think it’s time to talk to my Best Friend.

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My Money Faucet…Quick!! Someone Get a Wrench!

by Sue Birdseye

So I know in polite conversation you aren’t supposed to talk about God, politics or money. I already talk about God because He’s everything to me. And although I have very strong opinions about most things, I’ve decided to refrain from politics. But today I just gotta vent a bit about money.

Oh my goodness!!! I think it is literally pouring out of my bank account…there must be a faucet turned on that I’m unaware of and I desperately need to find it…FAST!!!

Yesterday I had to get new glasses…and since I’m over 40 they’re transition lenses. It’s a worthwhile investment (I hope) but ouch! Today the A/C motor went out and as the repairman gave me the quote I seriously wondered if we could just go without A/C upstairs this summer. Oh well…it’s just money right?

Tomorrow the car goes to the shop because I believe it has some serious indigestion problems. I’m hoping I get a mechanic that won’t take advantage of my inexperience with cars.

I also need to write a check to my community pool for the summer. We don’t do vacations…we jump in the pool! I just have to join.

In a few days I have to write a big ole check to the state of Virginia. I love my state but golly! Not THAT much!

I wish those were the only things…but it just goes on and on and on…

The year after my husband left I was so frugal that even with my tight budget I could save. And I took great comfort in that savings account. It was my security blanket.

My Dad asked me once how I was doing financially and I said, “I’m actually doing okay.” And I thought, “Wow! I am.” And then I patted myself on the back for having a savings account and being so careful. And I thought how wonderful it was that I had that safety net.

And then almost instantly I realized that I was trusting my own ability to take care of myself and my children. Not that it isn’t important to be wise with money, to be frugal and to save, but I had put an awful lot of faith in myself – in my ability to provide for my family. It was no longer about just being prepared it was about being in control.

I prayed for forgiveness and the right perspective. And BOY! Did God give it!

All of a sudden it seemed like everything needed repairs or to be replaced. Apparently my house had reached “middle-age” and needed some TLC. Unfortunately that TLC came at the expense (and I do mean expense) of my security blanket.

My savings account dwindled down in a surprisingly fast fashion. But I began again to put my trust in God…I didn’t have the money to trust anymore…therefore, the ability to control or at least feel in control was gone too.

I’m thinking maybe I didn’t learn that lesson adequately enough
…or God likes me in this place.

Because money just refuses to enter or stay in my account. I mean really…it’s getting almost comical. (Almost.)

I’m not sure how to approach it. I don’t know that I can add another thing to my life. But I gotta pray – maybe God will open my eyes to opportunities around me or ways I can save more.

But even though there is a bit of panic in my heart and head about this, I’m determined to trust that God will provide all that I need.

Okay…so while I’ve been typing this the repairman has been trying to fit the universal motor in my a/c unit and guess what!?! My unit will have none of it … they have to special order the part. It’s gonna cost more!!! ROTFL!

Seriously, I can’t stop laughing.

You know what…just bring it…God’s got this.

Faith Finances Just for Fun Prayer Single Parenting Thankfulness

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My Peace Symbol

by Sue Birdseye

Peace.

That peace symbol is all over the place. I see it on everything. It’s difficult to avoid sometimes. I don’t particularly care for it to be honest. It doesn’t really speak peace to me.

It reminds me more of a time when there wasn’t peace…when people stood less for true peace and more for fake peace.

I’m looking for the real deal. I want Jesus peace.

Lately I’ve had a lot of people ask is there any relief from all the emotions and feelings of adultery, abandonment and divorce. My answer is yes. Yes.

But what I’m finding is that peace in a sense is something I have to fight for…I have to choose.

Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:14

Sometimes I feel more like a whirling dervish (what is a whirling dervish anyway?) I feel all twisted up in knots and a bit frantic inside.

The most difficult part is the way I feel. I feel deep sorrow at times. Sorrow that I can’t change what has happened or its effects, especially on my children. And when those crushing feelings come crashing in…maybe I should say, crushing in…I just want to run away. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure all those blasted feelings would run with me. I’m not a terribly fast runner so I’m sure they’d catch up even if I had a head start.

From the beginning of this nightmare, I’ve wanted to escape the emotional component. I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling…the sorrow was so intense. Betrayal is brutal. Now I think I struggle more with a profound sadness at the loss of what I thought would never be lost and the injustice of the whole situation. And believe me there is a fair amount of injustice.

And yet, I’m reminded of my Savior. His willingness to suffer injustice for me. To feel intense sorrow for me. To know betrayal for me. To allow Himself to be punished for me. To turn the other cheek and forgive for me. What He suffered for me…I can’t even grasp it.

In no way am I attempting to compare my suffering with Christ’s – there is no comparison. I just take great comfort in knowing that He understands all that I feel. He gets me.

I want to be Christ-like, but dang it, sometimes I just really want to kick something.

Kicking things is bad.

That’s when I need peace…when I gotta seek peace and pursue it. Find it and grab it.

I keep being brought back again and again to Philippians 4:6-7. Do not be anxious about anything (my children, my future, my situation with my ex…life) but in everything (no matter how wonderful or absolutely NOT wonderful) through prayer and petition (on my knees, on my face, in the car, in the shower, at the kitchen sink…) with thanksgiving (for everything – the good, the bad, and the ugly) present your requests to God (all of ‘em). And the peace of God (which comes from Him and only Him), which surpasses all understanding (it makes no sense to have peace when life is so complicated and challenging), will guard your hearts (all those funky emotions) and your minds (all those crazy thoughts) in Christ Jesus (as always, anything good that happens in life is from Jesus).

That peace I long for…it’s available. It’s God’s peace in Christ Jesus. And it comes when I focus on Him.

You keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock. Isaiah 26:3-4

My mind stayed. I looked up “stayed” in my thesaurus. Similar words were: resided, settled, lodged, dwelled, stopped, abided, inhabited, have your home. And my favorite was “to stand firm”

Recently I spoke at the MomLife Bootcamp about dressing like a warrior. I focused on Ephesians 6:10-20. I LOVE those verses.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. Ephesians 6:13-15 (ESV)</p>

I think those verses fit perfectly with my mind stayed on Christ. The Amplified Bible says, “to stand (firmly in your place). Stand therefore (hold your ground).” I envision it as planting my feet and being unwilling to move. I want to plant my gaze firmly on Christ and not let it waver from Him. That’s peace.

It’s like Peter walking on the water during the storm. As long as his gaze was fixed on Jesus, he actually walked on the water! How cool is that! But as soon as he looked at the swirling waves he began sinking. I’m the same way…if I focus on my circumstances they overwhelm me. I want to focus on Christ so that He overwhelms me with His love and peace! Ahhh…the peace which passes all understanding…even in the midst of storms and trials. He is so good to give it.

Maybe I need to figure out my own peace symbol. Maybe that cool ancient fish symbol. (You know that one we stick to our cars and hope nobody notices when we drive like crazy people.) I think that works. When I see it maybe I’ll take a breath, say a prayer, thank my Savior, and let His peace wash all over me. Sounds like a really good plan.

Uncategorized Single Parenting Divorce Survival Adultery and Abandonment Faith Thankfulness Joy Prayer

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Being Right and Other Wrongs

by Sue Birdseye

Nothing has done greater damage to our Christian testimony than our trying to be right and demanding right of others. We become preoccupied with what is and what is not right. We ask ourselves, Have we been justly or unjustly treated? And we think thus to vindicate our actions. But that is not our standard. The whole question for us is one of cross-bearing. You ask me, “Is it right for someone to strike my cheek?” I reply, “Of course not! But the question is, do you only want to be right?” As Christians our standard of living can never be “right or wrong,” but the Cross.
Watchman Nee “Sit, Walk, Stand”

Recently I had a very difficult confrontation with my ex-husband.

Originally I wrote a blog that shared what had happened in hopes that I could “help” someone else who was dealing with an ex-spouse who says mean things. But I realized that my intent was not simply to help someone, but also to vindicate myself in a sense. I knew that I was right and dang it I was gonna make sure that everyone else knew it too…including my ex.

This situation…ugh.

I want my ex-husband to own it. He will not.

Maybe he can’t.

Again I have realized that…

It’s not my job to convince him that his actions were wrong. In fact, I should not try.

But what is my job? I mean, in these circumstances, what do I do?

I’m reminded of this verse from Micah. I know that it was written in response to Israel asking God what they should do…God’s response is that they should already know. And in a sense, I feel that I do know, even though I continue to ask the question.

In this verse God again shows Israel that He is not pleased by empty rituals or liturgy, but rather by justice, kindness (mercy) and humility.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

I gotta be honest and say that I’m not sure about the “do justice” part…because my idea of doing justice is probably not exactly right. Sometimes, like during that confrontation, I want my ex-husband to feel the weight of justice landing a right hook on his jaw.

THAT is NOT right.

According to Strong’s concordance another word for justice is “rightness”.

Rightness. Hmmmm…as much as I want to say, “See, that means I need to be right!” I believe that a more accurate definition would be that I need to act right. And acting right and being right can be two very different things.

God wants me to act in a way that brings Him glory…not me. I so want to vindicate myself and make things right…my definition of right. (It’s amazing how many times that word is coming up in this blog!)

Sue’s definition of right: … I’d write it but it’s wrong anyway.

AND, in beginning to attempt to write it I realized that I’m still trying to make my ex-husband’s actions known and despised.

Still trying to be right.

Maybe doing justice for me means that I trust that God is going to deal justly with this situation. Maybe it means that I act more Christ-like and less Sue-like. Maybe it means that I don’t strive to be right, but I strive for peace.

I will be praying about this, because I know that God is showing me what He wants me to do, but I gotta be honest and say that I’m not feelin’ it yet.

I will pray.

And I know when I pray God is going to reveal how often His justice in my life has been tempered by His grace and mercy. That were I to feel the left hook of justice hitting my jaw…well, let’s just say, it would be deserved but not appreciated.

Thankfully, He will give me the grace, the strength, and the ability to do all that He has called me to do with justice, mercy, and kindness.

Praise God that He will always be right…and His right is always best.

Adultery and Abandonment Divorce Survival Faith Forgiveness Single Parenting

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The Most Important

by Sue Birdseye

As I’ve been preparing for my talk at the MomLife Bootcamp this weekend, I was once again reminded that my life is not conducive to completing projects in a timely and organized manner.

I used to be an organized person…or at least I used to be able to appear like an organized person.

In my pre-mommy life I was a conference planner, but that was before 5 other people could mess with my schedule, my to-do list, and my sanity.

I really am a planner at heart. I really want to be that organized, put together, getterdone, check things off my list kinda gal. But I always seem to be waylaid.

I’d like to be able to accomplish SOMETHING! Anything!!!

There is always something that sneaks up and changes the dynamics of my day. I’ve said before that I feel like I’m always flying by the seat of my pants because my best-laid plans are for naught most days.

Spontaneity is great for a night out but not as a way of life.

I’m wondering if maybe putting a little bit less on my to-do list would be helpful…then maybe I could end the day without feeling disappointed.
I have a friend who says, “Do a little, do it well.” I think I’m more “Do a lot, do it okay.” Or “Try to do a lot. Find you can’t. Then beat yourself up about it.”

Yeah that’s me.

My kids want me…just me. Not me and a perfect house…you can’t have any fun in a perfect house anyway.

There are a lot of sayings about a messy house being a happy home. I get the idea to a point but a little order is good…right? I think the key is finding balance, understanding my priorities, relaxing.

Maybe relaxing some of our expectations…the reasonable ones and the unreasonable ones.

Honestly, we all probably need to relax in general. I know…show me how, when and where and I’m there.

As much as I wish relaxing was a glass of sweet tea, a good book and a hammock…mine is more sitting on the grass watching my son’s soccer game, putting aside my work to enjoy my daughters riding bikes in the culdesac, or sharing the sofa with 3 or more children to watch a movie.

In some ways maybe it’s an attitude.

Choosing not to stress about the stuff we can’t fix and maybe even the stuff we can.

Now that’s a God-sized task to be sure! But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) There is also this lovely verse, ‘In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” (Isaiah 30:15)

I think it’s okay to be still and quiet and rest.

Okay, so how are we gonna do this rest thing?

I’ve been trying to figure it out for days, months…years.

When was the last time I felt rested, calm, and strong? Actually I do remember a time.

It was right after my husband announced he wanted to leave. Those months of anguish were also months of profound peace and calm. I believe it was solely because I was saturated with Scripture. I also had a clarity about what was important. And it wasn’t accomplishing great things nor was it a clean house or work completed. It was and always will be my children.

Tonight my children asked if they could all go jump on the trampoline. It was close to bedtime, but I wanted to work a little bit longer on my talk, so I said, “Ok, just 10 minutes.” As I sat near the window listening to my children laughing and playing, I couldn’t stop thinking that I wanted to be out there with them. I just had to put my stuff aside.

When I walked out barefoot ready to jump, my kids all asked, rather incredulously, “Momma, are you going to jump with us?” I cannot tell you how thankful I was that God had prompted me to put aside the important for the most important.

I guess it’s rather simple, isn’t it? Soaking up the scripture and pouring into our children. That’s not too much to organize! I might be able to do that!
I know that there is much more to it than that…living this single parent life is so difficult and overwhelming at times. But maybe we need to take our eyes off of all the craziness and focus on Christ and put aside the to-do list and focus on the people in our lives. Maybe we can stop trying so hard to do so much and we can just be for a bit.

Be in prayer. Be in the Word. Be with our people.

God’s got this. He’s got our. He’s got us.

He’s even got this silly talk I can’t seem to get my head around. I’m so thankful.

Still not organized…but thankful.

Divorce Survival Faith Joy Just for Fun Single Parenting Thankfulness

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Anyone Else Feel Done?

by Sue Birdseye

Today I feel done.

I am done.

Done with disrespect and disobedience and difficulties.

Done with trying to reason with teenagers.

Done with trying to reign in kindergarteners.

Done with trying to make decisions.

Done with trying to get organized.

Done with cleaning up the mess my ex-husband has made.

Done with trying to understand how to parent all these children alone.

Done with trying to figure out how to do this life with any sense of grace, composure, or patience.

Done.

There are so many things to think about and do…I’m tired. I just wish I could take a timeout and have a replacement come in for a bit of this game. Being a single parent is hard.

I had to confront a child today on cell phone usage and school issues. Golly, you would have thought that cell phone was her only source of oxygen.

I wanted to work with her and help her develop a plan to exercise responsible use of her phone and her schoolwork. Instead I was met with all those stereotypical teenage responses. Those responses which make my head close to exploding.

Until about 4 months ago, my daughter was not stereotypical…and then boys entered the picture, and cheerleading, and that blasted cell phone.

I hate technology.

I want my children to be able to contact me while they are with their dad, but…ugh…I hate cell phones.

Unfortunately it has become, to some of my children, a right not a privilege. And what a colossal waste of time this “right” offers!

She is avoiding responsibilities and school work. My sweet, sweet daughter has become a very entitled, insecure young woman. She does not believe she is smart and therefore has no vision for what her life can become. At 15 that is a bit disconcerting. I know that her self-esteem and image issues have a lot to do with our family’s situation, but it doesn’t help me know how to deal with them.

I have had the most wonderful relationship with her for so long I’m floored by this new turn of events. I know my dear daughter is in there somewhere…Lord, please help me reach her.

I do know that some of her behavior is ordinary teenage angst, but I want my daughter to be extraordinary. I believe she is.

Everything I say to build her up she calls a “mom lie.” She says it’s like a mom telling her daughter she’s pretty even when she isn’t. Ugh. That so isn’t true. My daughter is smart, talented, and beautiful inside and out. She just doesn’t see it or feel it.

I’m broken-hearted for my darling daughter. I cannot be her father as much as I try to…I’m a miserable failure at it. I cannot give to her what her dad was designed to provide.

But even as I write in my despairing state, God has laid it on my heart that He is the perfect Father for my daughter. Oh that she knew that to her core. She does not. Her faith is wobbly at best and I’m afraid I’ve failed miserably there as well. I felt certain my children would be firm in their faith because of God’s faithfulness throughout our challenges…unfortunately, I think some of my children still only see the challenges.

I’ve not pointed out His care and provision often enough. I’ve been praising Him to everyone but my children. Father, forgive me and may your grace pour over my children and all my parenting mistakes.

A friend reminded me the other day how important prayer is…how it’s vital that we pray with our children and allow them the privilege of seeing God answer. I’m sitting her realizing that although at this point my daughter and I have made up, we have not prayed together. How is that even possible that I didn’t pray with her?

I think I best stop typing and go pray with my daughter…to show her that my strength and hers is from the Lord…that He cares about all these big and little issues…and He will answer. And I think I’ll also remind her of who she is in Christ…beloved, precious, God’s workmanship, more than a conqueror, able to do all things in Christ, forgiven and saved. She cannot say that is a “mom lie.” God said it!

Before I go, thank you so very much for listening…for allowing me to process my thoughts through my fingers, and come, as always, back to my Faithful Father and His love for me and my dear children.

Adultery and Abandonment Divorce Survival Faith Forgiveness Single Parenting

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Joyfully Enduring

by Sue Birdseye

Endurance: n. 1. The act, quality, or power of withstanding hardship or stress. 2. The state or fact of persevering: continuing survival.

This past weekend I was blessed to hear a sermon about endurance. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to take notes because I’d left my purse, Bible and notebook in the car in my mad dash to be relatively close to on-time for the service. I do not understand why I can get all my kids to school on time, but can’t seem to make it to church before the first worship song.

Anyway, notes or no notes, I want to share what God has been showing me.

Lately I’ve been in a tired and overwhelmed place…an unusual place for me. I’m usually the goofy one…the one who laughs too loud (which my children are constantly making fun of), the one who wears the rose-colored glasses, the one who can find something amusing about most things.

Not as much anymore. I think its life. I kinda got kicked in the fanny and sometimes it’s a bit more difficult to find anything really amusing in this place I find myself.
One friend recently asked if I was all right because my writing is so much more serious than it used to be. I was a bit bummed to hear that but replied that I’m okay, just dealing a little bit more seriously with things…things are a little bit more serious, after all. But this serious side of things and me is just no fun…I’d like to figure out how to do this with more joy.

I used to do the joy thing better. Even after my husband left I think I “got it” better than I do now. I believe it’s because life is hard and, as many pastors say, this life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon…I think it might be more of a triathlon…but with WAY more than 3 legs. Just when I finish one leg relatively successfully or even just barely, another one starts…ugh.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Joy in trials.

That seems impossible, but I can attest that God gives joy even in the midst of great suffering. I have seen it in my life and in the lives of others.

Joy – not a giddy happiness nor an absence of sorrow – but a peace which passes all understanding guarding our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7).

There is a grace to walking with joy. I believe when God tells us to walk in a manner worthy of our calling…it’s to walk with joy. To endure this life of sojourning…to wholeheartedly believe that God loves us, has a purpose in each moment of our lives, and that His plan is perfect…and to know the joy of trusting Him with our eternal future.

And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:9-14

Awesome verses. I hadn’t realized that there would be a reference to endurance and joy in them. I love how God brings us to just the right passage without us even knowing we are headed there.

What an interesting phrase – for all endurance and patience with joy – I’m intrigued by the word “all” – all endurance with joy…all patience with joy.

I think that all is similar to the all in count it all joy from James. Part of me wants to find some curious thing about the word all, but I’m pretty sure the word all means all. My thesaurus uses these words among others, “entire, whole, total, integral, any and every, each, nothing but, totally.” I guess that means that there isn’t a time when I shouldn’t have joy…every time I’m enduring something or patiently dealing with something I choose joy.

Joy beyond happiness.

Enduring adj. abiding, firm, never-failing, steadfast, steady, unfaltering, unqualified, unquestioning, wholehearted

Maybe that’s the secret to enduring? Joy.

Joy that I have the Lord. Joy that the Lord is all that I really need. Joy that there is freedom in Christ. Joy that I’m forgiven. Joy that my inheritance is secure. Joy that sorrow may last for a night, but more joy comes in the morning.

And somehow or another I believe peace is tied in there. Peace that God isn’t just letting my life fly willy-nilly wherever the wind takes me…He has a plan and it is good. Peace that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Peace that God is good, faithful and kind, slow to anger and abounding in love.

Peace makes me think of Philippians 4:6-7 which reminds me to not be anxious about anything but in everything give thanks.

I believe that is the other ticket to endurance…thankfulness.

I cannot deny I’m blessed when I begin looking for and focusing on the good things in my life. God is absolutely working in my life, and He is so very faithful and loving to me. I can even look back and find things that I wouldn’t necessarily have described as “good” that I can now be grateful for because of their part in making me who I am now. Maybe that’s the testing of my faith that produces steadfastness that leads to me lacking nothing? (James 1:2-4 again )

Once again, I’m reminded that my joy, my peace, my ability to give thanks, and my endurance are all because of my Savior. It is not because I can make myself joyful, peaceful, grateful or strong on my own…I know I can’t. But with Christ, I can be all those things and more. I know that God will bless me with the ability to endure.

I totally didn’t follow the sermon I heard on Sunday…see what happens when I don’t take notes!! Stream of consciousness writing…yikes!

Lord, I pray we will know your peace, that thankfulness will be nurtured in our hearts and you will give us the grace to live joyfully no matter the circumstances of our lives.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Thessalonians 5:16-18

Definitions taken from:
Webster’s Collegiate Thesaurus (1976) and The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (1973)

Divorce Survival Faith Friendship Joy Single Parenting Thankfulness

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uptomytoes

Hope & Humor for Single & Divorced Parents

A Quiver Full of Wonderful

Are You Stuck in a Miry Bog Too?

Loving the Unlovable…Seriously Unlovable

Prayer and My Best Friend

My Money Faucet…Quick!! Someone Get a Wrench!

My Peace Symbol

Being Right and Other Wrongs

The Most Important

Anyone Else Feel Done?

Joyfully Enduring

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