I have 241 blogs started but not finished or posted. Two hundred and forty-one. That smacks of something, but I don’t know what to be honest. (That’s the topic for another post.)

I read one a while back, and I honestly felt encouraged because I realized that I’ve learned something since then, I’ve grown up a bit in my faith, and I’ve even made some strides in my life that I am proud of…which is a big deal for me.

The blog I read was called “Even in the Mess”.  I shared that sometimes I struggle to ask God to help me with things I feel are my deal, my doing…my mess. 

I shared that sometimes I didn’t want to bother God with stuff I thought I should be able to handle. As if He was too busy and couldn’t be bothered.  I struggled to trust God with my mess, even as I told my children that nothing was too small to bring to the throne of grace… and yet, I found myself not approaching the throne of grace with any confidence.

…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your request to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

But the bigger thing…the a-ha moment or oh dear moment (not sure which is more appropriate)…was when I realized that I withhold things in my life that I struggle with if I consider them natural consequences of my decisions.  As if when I make mistakes, God says, “Sorry, Sue. You broke it, you fix it. You messed it up, you clean it up. Your decision, your deal.”  

Somehow that doesn’t seem like my Father. My Father who says things like:

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened for you.  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.  Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent?  If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”  Matthew 7:7-11

And then I wrote about decisions that hadn’t turned out as I had hoped. How I was struggling to really give it to God because it felt like a natural consequence of my poor planning and incompetent decision-making. It was my mess to clean up. I should have known more, made better plans, thought things through more effectively, just been smarter all the way around…

But God has shown me that He loves me, loves to be kind to me, and wants the best for my children and me. His plan for my life isn’t about punishment, but about hope 

The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin…  Exodus 34:6-7

There is no part of my life that God doesn’t want to walk through with me. 

All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.  John 6:37

He does not expect me to solve my life struggles and problems apart from Him.  He does not want me to beat myself up continually about things, but rather to move forward trusting that He will not leave my side…and that He will even guide me forward…and drag me along if necessary. 

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Psalm 25:4-5

I have learned to lean into God rather than away from Him. He is not surprised by my struggles or shocked by the outcomes of my decisions. He is only ever loving me. 

Now I pray,  “Father, I need you TODAY.  Would you help me TODAY?  Father, would you show me what I need to do TODAY so that you will be glorified, so that I can improve my life, make wise decisions, raise my children well, do what you want me to do, and stay in your will.  Father, please lead me forward every second of every minute.  And Father, I know you know that my heart’s desire is to honor you with everything I have and do and say…please show me ways to honor you with whatever is in my life right now  (whether good or bad, easy or hard).  

Teach me your way, O Lord, that I may walk in your truth; Unite my heart to fear your name.  Psalm 86:11

Lord, the messes I’m in, whether my own doing or not, would you please take them, Lord?  Make something good out of them…help me through them.  Show me what you would have me do, how you want me to think, and even what you want me to pray. Lord, I am yours.  Lord, my life, all messy and complicated and frustrating, is yours.  Lord, my life, all beautiful and chaotic and joyfilled is yours.  You are my hope, Lord.  Being perfect is not my hope.  Being organized is not my hope.  Being rested is not my hope.  You and you alone are my hope

Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God; let us hold fast our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one whoHebrew in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:14-16  

Lord, I pray all this in the name of Jesus, who is my hope.  Amen.

Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come.  Psalm 71:3