Lately it’s been difficult to grasp that I’m lovable…that anyone could really and truly love me.
And yes I know that God loves me…perfectly, relentlessly, beautifully, unconditionally, and passionately…all the ways I want to be loved. But I guess after my husband left, I’ve wanted someone to love me – to be willing to fight for me. To love me enough to do this life with me no matter what God calls us to.
But today, God loved me so tangibly I really and truly got it. I felt it to my core that God loves me.
I have to stop here and say God has loved me in this way before, often. Especially after my husband left…golly, did He love me! It’s just that I got my eyes off of Him and started getting all insecure in my life rather than recognizing that God knows me and loves me completely!
This morning I had my ladies’ Bible study and I was practically skipping afterwards. God just loved on me through those ladies and His word. How blessed I was to be reminded that He does indeed work all things together for good to those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) He turns all that sorrow into joy…He gives us beauty for ashes.
My Bible study this week was actually on Isaiah 61:1-3
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion – to give them a beautiful headdress, instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the plantings of the LORD, that he may be glorified.
God has sent Jesus to bring us good news, bind up our broken hearts, free us from the things that hold us captive like fear, insecurities, anxiety, sorrow, and sin, to comfort us and give us beauty instead of ashes.
That passage has so much in it. I just want to pull it apart and ponder it all. But today God just poured beauty all over me.
The ashes of sorrow and shame and sadness were replaced with a crown of beauty. A crown because I am a daughter of the King. A beautiful crown because I’m a dearly loved daughter of the King.
What a wonder!
It’s God and me…no matter what happens in my life…He will never leave me nor forsake me.
Forsake means “to quit or leave entirely; abandon; desert.” Those things have been my experience with the most important person in my life. And yet, although I struggle with much because of his decision to leave, there is a greater love I have found.
For me, the key to living in security, strength, and without sorrow and fear has been to focus on His love for me…to study His word, to get to know Him better, to know His character, and to find Him to be all that I need…even all that I want.
I wrote this a few years ago…God reminded me of it today:
“So here I am: single, divorced, and exhausted. I have to be brutally honest, this is so not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. Being single in my forties is not ideal. But even though my fairy-tale glass slipper was shattered before I got to the ball, my carriage turned into a pumpkin at 10:00 pm, and my prince was certainly no prince, I’m doing all right.
I have a better Prince who has truly rescued me. He might not hold me tight at night and whisper sweet words in my ear, but His presence is comforting and His words are encouraging and true. My fairy tale might not have followed the story line I had hoped for, but I know that the ending is going to be sweet! I’m excited to see what God is going to continue to do in my life and the lives of my children.” (When Happily Ever After Shatters, p125)
It’s Him and me.
I love Him and He loves me! I’m so thankful!
Beautifully written. I can relate to the negative experiences and, I’m happy to say, to the positive ones as well. He truly is all we need. I never thought I would feel that way a couple years ago, but today, I am grateful that He has filled me with that love. I am reminded of Randy Alcorn’s “Heaven”, and his description of Christ redeeming our entire fractured lives, so that we will stand as the perfect image bearers of God on the precipice of eternity. He also mentions replacing what was lost in our earthly lives, with something far greater in Heaven. I have written something similar on my blog. Feel free to check it out if you’d like. Rejoicing with you, my Sister, in the bounty of His enduring love!
I wish I was at this stage in my healing, but I’m just not. I just got back from taking my kids on my first “single parent vacation” since my husband left. I was proud of myself for having the courage to do it, but at times it was just so discouraging. Everywhere I turned I saw families, or Dads playing with their kids and it just made me feel so alone. I know God loves me and my kids, but I still long for that human love, the one that was promised to me “til death do us part”. Does that make sense?
I totally understand and often feel the same way. I long for my love, my partner, my best friend. I long to be loved and to love again. And I believe that that is from the Lord…right now, I’m focusing on pouring that desire into my relationship with Jesus. And my prayer is that through that God will prepare me for the blessing of companionship again. I’m hopeful but I trust God whatever lies ahead!
Oh Susan how I understand exactly what u r saying. I also just returned from our 1st vacation with the 3 children since our separation a year and half ago. Being a single mother of 3 (2 of them teens) has been a journey I never thought I would travel or even ever wanted. I know God many great and wonderful plans for each of us and I just want to hold on to him knowing he knows way better than I what he has in store. THANK U for ur courage to be real and share it has been such an encouragement to me!! Hugs Susan!
Thank you for sharing. You echo so much of my heart. So thankful that God is trustworthy with everything.
Hugs right back atcha!
It makes sense to me. I believe the longing for human love and companionship is God-inspired. This gives me an idea for a post that I am going to try and get to after I get the kids to bed! God Bless, Danny
Sue, Its refreshing to see you with a positive post. I feel so bad for you since most all of your other posts full of all your pain. Ive read thru your blogs since the beginning and I hope that soon you will be able to embrace the Lord..not after you struggle and hit the wall but before that.
Your post today about being loved was one of the first that have been positive. I hope that means you are coming out of the disorder in your life to living not just a joyful life but a happy one too.
Kelly, Thank you so much for reading all my blogs! Good golly that’s kind of you! And I appreciate your concern for me. I want to assure you that my life is a joyful one and I find great happiness in much of it, but it is also a life that has its fair share of struggles, sorrow, and frustration. Right now, God has called me to share from my heart how He meets me in those places. God and I are very close! He is my constant companion, my friend, my Savior, my everything. But I am a sinner and sometimes in those difficult moments I forget that He is all that He says He is…that He has and always will be faithful and loving. Thank you again for taking the time to read all my posts! I pray that you will see the heart from which they were written and that they are me sharing a moment in my life and how God meets me in those moments!
In His Care,