So I realized my life is really serious. And, I’m not a terribly serious person. I’m always talking about all the things that happen in my life that are difficult to deal with because that is where I am. I sound a little like Eeyore when I’m really more like Tigger, although lately, I’ve been… Continue reading My Pot of Honey
Why is it that a cavity in one of my children’s teeth is such a blow to my mommy self esteem? I even prayed the dentist wouldn’t think I was a terrible parent because of it. Really?!? I worry too much about stupid stuff. Now I’m worried that I’ve offended someone because I used the… Continue reading A Cavity, A Concern and A Change
Today is a wistful feeling sort of day for me. I’m not sure what prompted it – maybe its planning for college for my oldest or planning kindergarten for my youngest. I’m missing a simpler time. When a perfect day involved reading on the sofa, math on the patio, and memory work in the cul-de-sac. … Continue reading Changes – the good, the bad and the just different
That’s how my sweet preschooler greeted me today after preschool. Yup. I forgot. I think I’ve forgotten more than remembered. She is scheduled for Monday morning show and tell which usually would be great for my just get it done attitude. BUT I don’t ever think about it in the crazy mad rush on Sunday night or Monday morning.
I’m pretty sure I’m the reigning most pathetic mom at preschool so I can’t bring myself to ask for a different day.
I really need to get over trying to appear like I have it all together. I joke that I can’t even give the illusion of being organized. I used to be able to at least appear like I was slightly organized. Now…not so much. Things are always falling by the wayside. I have lists. I have calendars. I have more lists. No matter how hard I try, I end up forgetting something daily.
The good thing is I haven’t forgotten any of my children anywhere yet. (Oh golly…now I’m gonna forget someone cause I said that!)
I used to be so much about appearing like I could handle this life really well – you know that organized, put-together, calm mom – on the outside, I mean. I’ve always been a bit of a mess on the inside. But now…things are different. It’s interesting how God works in our lives. Now, when my outside world seems most out of control — crazy schedule, mile long to-do list, forgotten stuff, mismatched socks on my 4-year-old (well, actually that’s her choice), cluttered living, endless laundry, too many books, papers and crayons and an unknown number of house projects — my inside world, my heart and soul, is at peace.
And by peace I mean that peace which passes all understanding – you know that God peace. I still have worries, stress and occasional emotional meltdowns. But I feel a current of peace under the storm of my life. I think it’s because I’m learning to be thankful for what God is doing in my life. I’m thankful for how He takes care of us, provides for us and shows His love for us in big and little ways. There is A LOT I would change about my life, but there is a lot I wouldn’t change at all.
You know that verse in Philippians 4 that talks about God’s peace which passes all understanding guarding our hearts and minds? That guarding peace is because we rejoice (vs 4), we are willing to put aside our rights for others (vs 5), we have an eternal perspective (vs 5), when we are anxious, we fight it with prayer (vs.6), and we are thankful (vs 7). That’s quite a list – I like lists. I believe that the key is prayer with thanksgiving.
As I’m faced with daunting tasks and difficult decisions, I’m trying to find something to be grateful for in the process. Right now I’m trying to figure out how to address my little girls’ learning issues next year. I can get rather anxious about it – it’s a big deal and the options are limited and expensive. What can I be thankful for? That these sweet little girls are mine. That there are options – and some are pretty good. That I know that He loves my little girls even more than I do – unfathomable. That I know that He has a great plan for their lives. And that He will show me the right path in His time (which, by the way, is NEVER the same as my time).
That is one of the big ones for me right now — others are college decisions and paying for college for my oldest, raising a teenage girl in this culture, a little boy who needs a godly man to step into his world and ask deep questions, and the thousands of other decisions that need my attention each day. I’m sure we all have ridiculously long and complicated lists. Even in the midst of all the yuck of our lives, we can choose to be thankful and focus on the good things. There’s gotta be a good thing or two or more. I just know it.
I might not have it all together for more than 5 seconds a day, but I have a lot to be thankful for so maybe having it all together isn’t the be all end all I thought it was. Maybe I can just be messy me who forgets stuff and gets weepy at times, who can choose to smile while tripping over the clutter of a house full of children I love with abandon and who occasionally forgets to pack show and tell for her preschoolers.
I guess what I’m sharing is — we don’t have to have it all together to be blessed or to be a blessing.
You know how sometimes something just sticks in your head like a commercial jingle? Thankfully the one sticking in my head is a song by Shane and Shane which has the refrain, “My grace, my grace, my grace is sufficient, my grace is sufficient.” It runs through my head over and over again reminding me… Continue reading Stuck in My Head
How sad is it that at 4:30 am I was trying to think of how I would describe the noise that work me up at 3:30 am. I’m not good at onomatopoeia. Pahpahumpump kinda fits, but not exactly. It was one of those times when I wasn’t sure if I’d actually heard it or just dreamt… Continue reading Things that Go Kerthump in the Night
I have a dear friend that suggested I keep a notebook to write down ideas as I think of them. It was a great suggestion so now I have little notebooks EVERYWHERE! It helps that I love paper and pens and little notebooks! It’s also a very good idea for me because like a friend… Continue reading Lost Ideas, Little Notebooks and Lots of Thanks
Seriously, when someone says something is easy to do I should never think that that will apply to me. Setting up this blog — ridiculous. I still can’t figure out how to apply categories and tags to my posts – as if I even knew what those things really were. I’ve wanted to start this… Continue reading Getting started..again..no, now..okay this time for real