Leaving is Not an Option…This Family is About Staying

no exit picThere is something profoundly painful about a child saying they want to leave. It cuts to the core.
I know that when my children say things like, “I’ll just go live with Dad,” or “I’ll just go live with insert name” or even “I want a different mommy,” it’s more about being frustrated than actually leaving…at least I hope so.
Lately two of my children have said those words to me. It causes me to gasp inwardly. The pain is acute. I believe this falls into the category of you hurt the ones you love. Again, at least I hope so.
Children can use words frightfully well to hurt, and they certainly know the words that push the most buttons. Oh how I wish they wouldn’t push this button. It hurts too much.
My teenage daughter said it last night. She’s in a tough spot in lots of ways and I know I’m a safe place to vent, but dang it, ouch! It hurts because it means I’m not enough…just me being mom isn’t good enough. And instantly I go to just like me being wife wasn’t good enough…I know that those things aren’t necessarily true, but they are thoughts I have…thoughts I need to take captive.
Maybe for children of divorce this is a “weapon” in their arsenals? It would make sense. It’s a stronger version of pitting parent against parent.
When my daughter uttered those words I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what to say and I feared I’d just start weeping buckets if I opened my mouth. Thankfully I was driving so I kept my eyes on the road. And I prayed.
I don’t want my children to think that leaving our family is actually a viable option…a reasonable option. It’s absolutely not. Their father used that option with disastrous results for all of us. I refuse to let this be a generational sin…it will stop with him! So what do I do?
I know my first course of action is to pray and pray hard. And I need to trust God. Trust Him with my children and their future.
And I will try to hold my tongue and my temper. And I will listen. And regardless of how unkind my children are, I will love them. Regardless of how tired I am, I will love on them. And I will model that love is a choice…a choice to stay regardless of how you feel or what you want to change or not change.
Maybe I need to share openly with my children about how their comments hurt? I’ll have to think about that one. Maybe I need to tell them gracefully and gently that leaving is NOT an option. Period. Ever.
And I definitely need to remember that my children are hurting. That my children are confused and scared. Just like me Lord, they long for life to be different. I pray that my children will find their hope and strength in the Lord and Him alone and that they know with certainty that their Heavenly Father will never leave them nor forsake them. (Joshua 1:5)
And no matter how often they declare they will leave me, I will not leave them.
Father, my sweet children are living such a different life than I had hoped and planned. We’re all struggling. God, I need wisdom to do this well. I need strength and patience I don’t feel capable of exhibiting. Father, I pray that you will protect my children and guide their decisions. Please reveal your love to them in unexpected and amazing ways. Please help them to know that you have a wonderful plan for their lives and that the struggle is doable with you. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Advertisements

4 Comments

  1. I’m sorry, sweet Sue. It’s hard to raise children when both parents are in the home, so I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to do this as a single parent. I’ll be praying John 15:7 for you every time I pray it for myself!

  2. Oh Birdseye – I shudder when I think back to some of the things that *we* said to our parents. (what was that? 30 years ago?) I never would have made it though my teenage years without your friendship – so I know that you are a strong, loving, amazing, and compassionate mother to your own teenage kids. Hang in there. Wish I lived closer….

  3. Dear Sue, I can relate. I can relate to your daughter because as a teen my parents were divorced. But now as a mom I can relate with you. Our 13 yr old daughter we adopted when she was 9. She is doing SO great but there are times now & then that her emotions just build up and she is still grieving over all she has lost, the dreams that never came true in her birth family and the pain her birth parents and some birth family have caused her as a little girl. That pain and grief almost always yes poured out on me. I know my precious little girl loves me and I have to keep reminding myself that it is not really me she is angry with. I get to experience the best part of parenting…and the hardest part of parenting. But she knows (and I just reminded her a few days ago after she had an outburst) that I will love her forever and always and no matter what! There is nothing she can ever do or say that will make me love her less. On the contrary, I love her more every day. Our kids say things spontaneously out of pent up anger. Praise The Lord we are the ones there to receive them. That’s because we are HERE, present, in their lives no matter what through the good, the bad, the ugly and the BEAUTIFUL. Love, Melissa 🙂 2 Corinthians 9:8 & Isaiah 26:3

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s