Seriously, when someone says something is easy to do I should never think that that will apply to me. Setting up this blog — ridiculous. I still can’t figure out how to apply categories and tags to my posts – as if I even knew what those things really were. I’ve wanted to start this blog for months but I couldn’t figure out which title I should use. I’ve come to learn that I actually pretty much stink at making decisions. I didn’t realize how badly until I became a single parent.
I think on some level I always thought I wanted to make all the decisions in our family, but now that it’s truly my responsibility…not so much. I hate making decisions and when I finally do I spend most of the rest of the time second-guessing the decisions I made. I’m STILL stressing over decisions I made 3 years ago…I’ve got to let go!
I think it’s the massive amount of things that require decisions that I can’t wrap my brain around. I joke about working with half a brain — try wrapping half a brain around anything…not so easy. Today, I could take up all the space in this blog listing the things I need to deal with and soon. There are 1,000,000 small things and 10,000 big things…or visa versa depending on how you look at them. Every thing on my list could seem earth shattering if I let it.
I over think everything. How is this going to impact boy #1? How will girl #2 feel about this? Is this going to make girl #3 feel more secure? Will boy #2 respond better to this? Which thing is going to help girl #2 the most? How am I going to pay for this? Can I add one more thing to this crazy life? When? How? Where? What? Who?… every eventuality is considered, every possible consequence discussed (with myself usually – that’s a whole nuther blog).
I do seek advice from friends but the bummer is they think I just want encouragement when really what I want is answers. Would someone just tell me what to do…and take responsibility for the results? Yeah, no one wants that position. Me either.
So I’m trying to figure out how to step up to the plate and be a decision maker rather than a decision wobbler. God keeps bringing verses to mind for me. I hope you don’t mind if I share a few that really blessed me.
“Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not!” (Isaiah 35:3-4) This one particularly speaks to me — I have some seriously weak hands. Just put a jar in them and see how much a struggle to open it. That makes my heart sink, seriously, it’s a little reminder that my husband isn’t there to help me even with the little things. And the feeble knees…definitely! I approach most decisions, issues and challenges with trembling knees. And my heart? You could say it is at times anxious. Anxious that I will fail. Anxious that I will disappoint. Anxious that I will miss something important. Anxious for the future..mine and my children’s. Once again, I love what God says to say to my heart – to myself. BE STRONG; FEAR NOT! I have God on my side — He’s got my back! God is good. I can trust Him. He will provide. He will help.
“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
So I will quote those verses, I will speak truth to my heart and I will trust that God can work through me and my decisions to bless my family and those in my life.
Hey, I just made a decision!!!