A lot of people have told me lately that I’m too hard on myself. That I refer to myself as a mess way too much.
I believe them.
The problem is that I feel like a mess…I feel like I just can’t get my life together…any part of it.
I told a friend recently that I feel like a spinning top…all wobbly and going in circles. See…that’s not positive either. Honest but not positive.
My friend replied that I’m not a spinning top. I just have a lot of spinning plates and some of them are wobbly. I think they are all wobbly…but that’s just me.
The problem is that my life is messy….maybe I’m not the mess…maybe it’s my life. And I’ve never been partial to playing in the mud.
I believe I’m kinda in the muck right now. It’s a rather yucky place to be. I’m not very fond of it.
Muck reminds me of some verses:
I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon the rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3
Do you know what a miry bog is? It’s like a muddy swamp. When I think of a swamp I think of a slimy, smelly, wet place. (Actually it also makes me think of Scooby-Doo….the swamp monster or beast or whatever it was called. There are days when I think I might be the swamp monster!?!)
A miry bog is a place where our feet get trapped in mud…where we can sink down and get stuck.
Right now, miry bog feels about right. I’m feeling rather swampy…although I don’t believe I’m slimy or smelly or wet. Just a bit…
ugh…a bit down and stuck.
It’s a difficult place for me. I thought I was done with down. I did the down and stuck thing when my husband left…I don’t want to do it again.
So in the midst of my swamp, what am I to do?
Psalm 40 says I’m to wait patiently for the Lord…at least that’s what the psalmist did. I can do that…I think. I mean honestly my feet are kinda stuck here…my heart is sinking…and my mind is definitely muddy.
Stuck feet…sinking heart…muddy mind. Oh dear.
The cool thing about reading a whole passage of Scripture not a verse or two is that you often get a very beautiful thing…a lovely present from God.
I decided to read all of Psalm 40 and how very glad I am that I did. God showed me is that this psalmist is speaking my heart.
The psalm begins with a remembrance of God’s deliverance and a time of praising God for all He has done…for His continued faithfulness and provision.
The psalmist also reminds God that he has been faithful to share all the wonderful things God has done.
I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O LORD. I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation; I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation. (9-10)
The next part of the passage is the psalmist asking again for God’s deliverance. He’s facing new trials.
For evils have encompassed me beyond number; my iniquities have overtaken me, and I cannot see; they are more than the hairs of my head; my heart fails me. Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me! O LORD, make haste to help me! (12-13)
That’s how I’m feeling right now. When my husband left and divorce became a reality and single parenting became my life, God faithfully inclined his ear to me and heard my cry. He delivered me. He gave me a song of praise to share.
But now things are all wonky again and I need some serious rescuing…again.
And, like the psalmist, I believe and trust that God is going to deliver me. I even on some level have an excitement about what God is going to do. I just know that He is going to do something grand in my life. Even if it isn’t grand by the world’s standards, it will be a blessing by mine.
As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God! (17)
How often have I wanted to say, “Do not delay God! Please work quickly!”
I know that God’s timing is always perfect…maybe I should say that it always results in the perfect thing, but His timing definitely does NOT feel perfect sometimes. Sometimes perfect to me means RIGHT NOW!! Who am I kidding…not sometimes, ALL THE TIME!
BUT I trust Him. I know Him to be faithful and I know that He will always and only do what is the very best thing for me and mine.
As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me! (11)
He’s taking me to a deeper understanding of His love for me…it’s a glorious thing but oh I have so much to work through in my own heart so that I can receive all that He has in store for me.
Thankfully He does not leave me to work alone…He is totally in charge of the work and the worksite! I’m excited to see what He does and where He takes me in His word and in my life.
God is teaching me so much about Himself and myself. I can’t wait to share. I just want to get my thoughts in order and make sure that what I share blesses you.
Praying that you will seek God, be glad in Him and continually say, “Great is the LORD!”
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the LORD!” (16)
Oh my goodness you are not alone I wanting God to answer the right now. We are getting towards the end of school and moving, with the hopes of a job for next year. I sure would like to know now if I have anything, but I am trying to be patient and let God do His perfect thing. I think that I constantly hand it over. So hang in there and thanks for the, I am there too. It helps to know your not alone in this.
Thank you! Praying for everything to fall into place and for God to give you peace as you patiently wait on Him!
Thank you so much for your transparency and your honesty as you share your heart with us. Sadly, my situation is so very similiar to yours, so I appreciate your openness with how you are really feeling. The days can seem soo hard and soo “unfair” sometimes but we have such an amazing God full of His steadfast love and mercy to help us and to carry us through each day! And just like you, I KNOW and wait expectantly and excitedly to see what great things God IS going to do in and through my life! And I wait with great expectancy for the great and big things He has prepared for you and your precious children!! I cant wait to read of the wonderful blessings He has poured out into your life!!! God can do exceedingly and abundantly above all that you could ask or think….so I say to you…. Get ready!! 😉
Thank you so much! I’m so sorry that we walk a similar path, but how wonderful that both of us have found our God to be faithful even in difficulties! That is a blessed thing to be sure!
Waiting with great expectations with you!
Thank you for your blog. I found you on Focus on the Family’s broadcast. I have just begun walking your path. My husband moved out in January. I have a 16-year old daughter and a 14-year old son. We have all been walking on eggshells for about 6 years. This was the 4th and the last time their Dad will leave them. I am learning so much along the way. One thing that strikes me is that we get in such a hurry, when God’s time is God’s time. Perhaps we feel stuck in that bog because we don’t really see anything happening. But he is working all things for good. He is working behind the scenes. If we honor Him, he will honor us. Keep on being an awesome Mom to your kids and putting your story and what you learn out there. I also know turning my negativity toward being thankful has been such a gift to me. Have you read Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts? I have logged over 800 things to be thankful for…..Blessings on you and all your readers.
Sue,thank you for your blog and this post in particular. My ex-wife left the kids and I almost two years ago. Since that time, I, like you and the Psalmist, have been stuck in a miry bog. The conditions you have described in the bod are accurate to a ‘T’. While in the bog, I have learned a lot about myself and whole lot about God. Of all the things I have learned about the Lord is that, He is faithful in his promises. I know I will get out of this miry bog someday, all I have to do is follow the instruction on my GPS (God’s Positioning System or Bible for short). I pray that your journey through the bog is short.
Amen to getting out of the bog!!! Thank you for sharing! Praying that God blesses you with strength for the day and hope for tomorrow!
In His Care,
Hello: I came across this particular post while doing bible study of Psalm 40. I am in a miry bog right now concerning my career and purpose and what my next steps are after a painful job loss. I loved reading this. It really opened my eyes and I feel compelled to share what I have been going through on my own blog. I am writing because I wanted an update on your story. This was 3 years ago. Is there another entry as to what wonderous deeds God has worked in your life since? What was the outcome and what new song are you able to sing. I would love to hear. We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. God bless you sister in Christ.
you don’t have so much to do in your heart to receieve His love. God witholds no good thing to those who walk uprightly. Tell Him thank you for everything you read and everything He tells you that He has done. Tell Him ‘I believe You when You say________ (fill in the blank). I believe I will see or have __________(fill in the blank) today in my life because you have told me so!’. ETC.