In my garage is a giant white box. It’s an albatross of sorts. It’s been sitting in there for months. It’s my wedding dress, and for the life of me I can’t figure out what to do with it. I got married in 1990 so it’s big and poufy – beautiful, but big and poufy nonetheless. I doubt, unless fashion comes WAY back around, that any of my daughters will ask to wear it. I don’t know if I’d want them to – I’m not superstitious but ugh.
I keep thinking that maybe I could donate it, but where? My oldest daughter recommended making pillows with it – those would be some gaudy pillows to be sure! I’ve thought about keeping some of the fabric – it’s gorgeous, but truly it’ll just end up in a box in the basement with all the other fabric I’m not going to do anything with for the next 15 years. (The number of projects I’m saving for my empty-nest years is staggering!)
There is probably some interesting psychological issue for me keeping it in the garage, haphazardly thrown between the freezer and the bikes. Keeping it is probably the bigger issue – not the throwing. Throwing it anywhere including away would be more understandable in some ways. What am I doing with this silly dress – or maybe I should ask, “What am I going to do with this silly dress?”
I have a box of wedding and marriage memorabilia in the basement. It‘s full of those sweet things you keep from your wedding day and honeymoon. There are love notes and cards – even ones I received during the months before my husband left. I keep them because I want my children to see that we really loved each other. I hope that’s a good idea. The dress won’t fit in that box – otherwise I’d probably cram it in.
There are plenty of pictures of me in the dress. That should suffice. I guess I want that blasted dress to mean something it can’t anymore. My dress is just a picture of lost hopes and dreams. Betrayal and lies. Wow, that sounds like a made for TV movie, “The Wedding Dress” “Lace and Satin turns to lies and scandal!!!! Watch this weekend at 9 on Lifetime!!!”
I guess in some ways I’m blessed because I don’t look at it with any regret. I’m thankful that I had 17+ joyful years of marriage. There is something to be said for blissfully unaware. Marriage wasn’t always easy or fun, but I loved being married – maybe that’s why I struggle with what to do with the wedding dress. I don’t have bad memories – well, not until the end. Ugh…and those memories were about someone very different than the man I walked towards down that church aisle. God is so gracious to give me good memories and a pretty okay perspective about the present. It is ALL Him! I’m so thankful. Otherwise, I’d probably have burned this dress in the middle of the cul-de-sac!
As I write this I’m realizing that it really doesn’t symbolize anything good or bad. It’s just a dress I wore not anything more. It was lovely and a joy to wear. I’ll leave it at that. Maybe there is some dear young bride who would enjoy my beautiful dress? Maybe they can de-pouf it?
I suppose I have my answer. Clean-up day at our house is fast approaching. I think I will add one more thing to the list.
#142 Find a good home for that big white box.
Love your perspective! You can feel pain, but let the bitterness go. That is an amazing gift. Thanks for sharing it with us. I think some other bride could enjoy that dress, or maybe even a girl getting ready for her Quinceanera. Those white dresses are often poufy and beautiful!
Love you, sister!
Do donate it to a thrift store, so that it goes to a bride without any history attached, and becomes a big blessing to her.
Or sell it on ebay?
I had to cry when I read all the trials you went through, but God has been sufficient and has comforted you. You will be a stronger person because of the trials and tribulations and by wriing about it, it will console some single Moms who are going through what you are going through. Your children need you and feel happy to have a sweet Mom like you. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Your kids need you. I was entertained reading about your life.
You expressed yourself very well. God Bless you.
Love, Aunt BettyCastro