This Place at This Time

IMG_0499I was shuffling through my bookcase – reorganizing and deciding which books I’d like to keep and which books I’d like to donate – when I found a book that a friend had written and sent to me a few years ago.  It’s called “Walks with Rich” by C.W. Hambleton.  I opened up to the first chapter and read this quote by Rich Mullins:

“People always say, ‘I don’t know where the Lord is leading me.’  I always say, ‘It don’t really make a whole lot of difference.’  The important thing is to be where He has led you to already.  If He has led you into a marriage, than be faithful there.  If He has led you into being single, then be faithful there.  If He has blessed you with many material goods, then be a good steward of those goods.  And if He has blessed you by allowing you to imitate His life of poverty, then imitate it with great joy.”  

Be where God has led me.  

It is interesting that God led me to open up this book at this time and read these lines.  I had started a blog last week that I called “The To-Be List”.  About being where God has me.

My constant prayer is “I don’t know what to do. Lord, please show me.”  

I’m realizing that in many things I kind of do know what to do, I just don’t know how to be.

I want my circumstances to be different, so I want to do something to make that happen.  I want some of my problems to be solved…who am I kidding?  I want all of my problems to be solved.  I want things to be easier all the way around.

I want the decisions I’ve made that have had consequences that are difficult to be erased from my past.  I want to be able to drop the burdens I carry at His feet and leave them there.

And I keep asking God to give me the ultimate to-do list…the to-do list that will change things, the perfect to-do list, the one that actually moves us forward not just gets us by.  I keep thinking that there has to be a way to make life better, but maybe that isn’t what God wants me to get out of this place He has me.

I believe God wants me…me…to get better through this.  It isn’t it about what I do, but who I am.

Maybe its me who needs fixing, not my life?

But how am I supposed to be?  

The first thing that popped into my brain was “Be strong and courageous.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Really that one?  Strong and courageous?

I guess it kind of makes sense for me, because I have things that seem hopeless in my life.  Being strong and courageous would certainly help me face challenges boldly and with confidence in God…instead of my woe-is-me, it-feels-hopeless, can-I-please-catch-a-break self.

Usually I face challenges trying to be strong and courageous all by myself.  

“I can do this!!!  I can fix this!!!  I got this!!!”

All said with great enthusiasm!  But not too much later, a quiet whisper of “I don’t know what to do. Oh my goodness, it just won’t get better. Why won’t things get better?”  

So again, I’m left with the realization that as much as I want to fix things, I CAN’T!

And instead of believing I’m hopeless because I can’t fix things, I want to turn to God and say, “It’s yours.”

Lord, please forgive me because I know I am not without hope…I do have eternal hope.  But honestly, I’m struggling a little bit to be hopeful about the here and now.

Sometimes I read other people’s stories, know of other people’s situations, listen as a friend pours out their heart, and I think what in the world am I complaining about?

Why can’t I just live and not feel so overwhelmed and exhausted?  You have placed me here in this time and this place.  How do I live here joyfully?

Maybe part of the problem is that when I think about joy, it gets mixed up with happy.  That happy that means I should be smiling and a little bit bouncy.  I smile a lot…even laugh, but it isn’t that carefree kind of happiness I long for.  

And bouncy…yeah, that’s not happening.  Slogging.  Slumping. Trudging. Slouching.  That’s me.  

But that happy isn’t joy. So what is this joy of which I speak but know not how to live?

Joy, I have heard, is an attitude of the heart.  It isn’t based on circumstances or people or things.  

Happiness does seem more dependent on circumstances.  Joy seems more like an attitude for living.

I can be joyful in my circumstances, but not necessarily happy.  

What does joyful me look like if she isn’t bouncy and perky and smiling incessantly.

Joyful me isn’t easily angered.  She’s calm.

Joyful me isn’t easily frustrated.  She has perspective.

Joyful me isn’t living in fear.  She is courageous, bold, and trusting.

Joyful me isn’t overwhelmed.  She is peaceful and focused.

Joyful me isn’t looking back.  She is focused on Christ.

I guess I see joyful as calm in my circumstances.  Being where God has me without the angst I tend to carry.

This past week I was told by a doctor that I have a tension headache in my chest…a headache in my chest???  Wouldn’t that be a chestache…in my chest?  I don’t know, I’m not a doctor and all, but I’m pretty sure my head and chest are two different parts of my body!  I’m just kidding…I understand what he meant.  The stress in my life is centered in my chest…can’t take a deep breath, feel like an elephant is sitting on top of me stress.  BUT now that I know what it is, there is a relief and maybe my elephant has gotten a bit smaller.  But…I want joy not just tiny elephants.

Being blessed to be where I am…even if it isn’t the blessed I hoped for.

How do I get that perspective?  I mean really.  

There seems to be this idea that if we can just get our life organized or just do something differently, things will change for the better.  Is that true?  Always?  I don’t think so.  At least not for me.

How do I live in this moment, in this place, in these circumstances with joy when I can barely breathe sometimes?

It must be a choice I need to make…a shift in perspective.

Joy seems so far removed from my life and yet, I know that I’m called to it…that I do have so many, many things to be thankful for, so many things to be joyful about…and yet, I am not.  I just feel fussy.

Is it possible to be fussy AND joyful?  I’m feeling like the answer is definitely no.  So I pretty much have to choose.  

Choose joy.

Choose not to be fussy.

Change my attitude.

How many times have I told my children to change their attitudes about something?  

Father, are you telling me to change my attitude?  I imagine you are.  I do feel like a petulant teenager…all scowly and stompy.

Father, please forgive me.  

Maybe all the discontent and feeling miserable about circumstances has a purpose?

“Could that be so we are nudged to seek after God and find our true fulfillment and complete rest in Him and Him alone?  Someday we will be called Home, and then we will find complete peace and rest.  But until then, we are to follow Him wherever He may lead us in the full assurance that He will bring us into that rest.”  C. Hambleton

Father, I know there are praises to sing, prayers to utter, and petitions to place at your feet.  And maybe those praises, prayers, and petitions will work to change my adolescent attitude.  There really is no maybe about it, I know they will.

Lord, being here where you have me sometimes feels very, very difficult.  I struggle to understand the plan, Your plan.  I wish I understood it all.  I want to choose joy, to choose an attitude of joy.  I want to have that full assurance that You will indeed give me rest.  I want to be a woman of joy, a woman of peace, a woman of thankfulness.  Lord, please show me how to live joyful in these circumstances, in this place, at this time.

I’ll convert their weeping into laughter,  lavishing comfort, invading their grief with joy. Jeremiah 31:13 (The Message)

 

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Middle of the Night Thinking

night-skySleeping has become a bit problematic for me lately.  In fact I’d say that sleeplessness has become the defining feature of my nights, so much so that I almost dread putting my head down on my pillows…almost.  I’m so dang tired that I gotta at least try to sleep.

Falling asleep.  Not a problem.  Staying asleep.  Feels impossible.

I find myself tossing and turning and thinking. Sometimes that thinking turns into panicking.  Overwhelming fear.  Heart palpitations.  Heavy chest. Shallow breathing.  Fear that makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

And if I weren’t so tired I’d just get up and do something…anything to take my mind off of my fear…off of my thoughts.  But I’m tired…bone-weary, aching joints tired.  And in some weird way I don’t think I want to go downstairs and watch TV and pretend that I’m not afraid.

I feel like I might have to feel this to deal with this to overcome this.  Something can’t be fixed if I don’t acknowledge it, right?

This past month these episodes of over-fearful-thinking have happened a fair amount.  It isn’t even about one thing.  Most of the time, in the morning everything feels a little less daunting.  Still concerns, but not terrors. Am I going crazy?  I’m not saying that to be silly, I’m truly sharing a fear…another fear.

I feel like there is just so much to do and think about and I feel like I can’t do it all…all the thinking.  All the little things and all the big things.

Thinking about my children.  Each one with unique needs, concerns, hopes, dreams, struggles, decisions, issues.

Thinking about the house.  Repairs. Cracks. Drips. Wobbles. Clutter.

Thinking about work.  Lesson plans, class management, expectations, assessments, communication, and time management

Thinking about finances.  How?  How do I get in a better place?  How do I deal with the guilt of decisions I thought were good, but haven’t had the desired effect?  How do I fix the mess?

Thinking about relationships.  How do I love well?  Trust again?  How do I let go of fear when sometimes it’s so physically overwhelming I can barely breathe?  How do I let myself be loved?  How do I make friends when I barely have time for my children?  How do I mourn the changes that have happened with friendships I thought would never change?

Thinking about church.  Thinking about family situations.  Thinking about how to take care of my mom.  Thinking about groceries, toilet paper, toothpaste, and Band-Aids. Thinking about oil changes, car batteries, tire rotations, and brake pads.

It all makes my head spin.

And in the middle of the night, it makes my body toss and turn and my head hurt and my chest ache and my heart pound.

I don’t know what to do.  I don’t have a spiritually astute solution.  I pray hard.  I beg for rest.  I let things slide.  I reduce caffeine.  I make lists.  I tear up lists.  I pray harder.

But things don’t get better.  And not sleeping has so many repercussions…mentally, emotionally, physically, vocationally, and spiritually.

And then I wonder, is it all spiritual?  Is it because I’ve lost my focus on Jesus?  Because I’ve let the cares of this world overwhelm me? Because the weight of my own failures feels too great to carry.  Because I can’t seem to figure out how to walk this path gracefully, without stumbling.  Falling on my knees…not how I want to fall…in prayer.  I fall in fear, in failure, in fatigue.

And I think, wasn’t it just last week?  What did I even write about?  What did God lay on my broken sometimes healing heart?  What did He reveal to me about Himself that brought me such hope? I don’t have the faintest idea.  Am I truly that tired that I don’t remember the hope?

I had to reread my own words.  How pathetic.  I remember now.

All things are possible with Him.  This life.  This is possible with Him.

Why does sleep, rest and peace still feel impossible?

Sorry, I’m fixated on the sleep thing – it just seems so important, vital, life-giving.  I’m afraid of what will happen if this continues.  I’m afraid of being ill.

I’m trying to trust.  Trying to trust that this season of sleeplessness is part of the plan.  What plan could this be, God?  Why?  What purpose when life is already so challenging?

Tomorrow I go back to work – I was hoping that I’d be well-rested.  Unless there is a miracle tonight, I’ll go back as exhausted as I left.

Bummer.

Ugh.  I sound like such a complainer.  I’m sorry.  I’m wondering though is anyone else struggling to understand why things are the way they are?

I mean I get the whole “in this world you will have trouble” thing, I guess I’m not getting the “fear not for I have overcome the world” thing.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”  John 16:33

What does that mean for this place?  This place of sleeplessness and fear and anxious thoughts and overwhelming demands?  Those are the troubles…for me.  What is the overcoming?

Overcoming.

“To get the better of in a struggle or conflict; conquer; defeat; to overcome the enemy.” (Dictionary.com)

To get the better of.

What an interesting phrase.  This struggle has definitely gotten the better of me.

A new day.  A new month.  A new year.  Seems like a good time to turn the table.  But how?

Especially because my table is upside down.  It needs to get flipped completely before it can even be turned.  But maybe that’s the point?

Maybe all my thinking needs to be flipped.

I’m so focused on the struggle (again) – I can’t see any good.

When I was in the process of editing my book, the editor commented on a section where I shared about getting up early and staying up late to study the Bible and pray.  She said that it wasn’t realistic.  Nobody would believe that that was what I was actually doing.  But it was what I was actually doing.  It was the only way I survived that season – God upheld me.

Maybe He is asking me to do that again?  Maybe, in the middle of those sleepless nights, He is whispering in my ear, “Dearest, trust me.”

Trust me with your fears.  Trust me with your anxious thoughts.  Trust me with your mistakes and failures and hopelessness.  Trust me with your anger, frustrations, and irritations.  Trust me with you children, your relationship, your home, your work, your finances, your time.  Trust me with your love.

I think I do, but then I toss and turn and tear up and I don’t understand why it all has to be so hard.

I want to, but I don’t understand what it looks like when things seem so daunting and hopeless, particularly in the middle of the night.

I don’t know how to stop the ache.  I don’t know how to not feel.

There has to be something that can be done…something that can make a difference.  Because, honestly, in those moments I really feel like I’d do anything to get away from all those feelings and thoughts that beat me down.

They are relentless in their assault.

And I’m tired of just lying there taking it.

Time to turn or flip the table…or turn and flip myself and my thinking.

My thinking needs to change.

I’ve learned this before.  Said this before.  Written this before.

I KNOW THIS.

Thankfulness.  Gratitude. Gratefulness.

I know this thankfulness thing.  I know it is the answer.

In those moments when I despair, pray thankfulness.

In those moments of fear, focus on blessings.

Simple. Profound. Powerful.

I can rest in that.  I can redeem the time from tossing and turning to thankfulness and trust.

I can do this.

All things are possible with God.

I can do this…with Him.

 

 

 

 

Are You More than Just Living?

IMG_4295

I’ve been studying 1 John this past week.  There are a lot of verses that grab me in that little book.  And there are a lot of verses I want to grab hold of too.  

God has used those words to convict, confirm, and mostly comfort me this past week.

My study has brought me back to some of the verses in the Gospel of John as well.  One of the phrases that grabbed me and held me tightly was:

In Him was life.  (John 1:4)

To me, the word life is more about living than just being alive.  I’m not just alive because of Christ, but I can live – really live.  Not just exist.  Not just survive.

But how do I do that when life feels very much about surviving?  It seems that today

Today two people shared with me about the power of thankfulness.  How being thankful even for the problems and challenges is powerful.  How giving thanks opens us up for blessing.

Usually I shy away from adopting a prescription for blessing…the idea that if I do something I will get something from God goes against all I believe about grace.  I can tend towards works-righteousness and I certainly want to be careful of choosing words that imply that if we do something we will be guaranteed a blessing.

But I cannot deny that there is blessing in thankfulness.  It might not be that God opens the floodgates of prosperity in our lives as the world describes it, but I believe recognizing that God is worthy of praise and thankfulness is healing and comforting and strengthening for us.  

The blessing is in remembering.  When I cannot see what He is doing and I don’t understand what His plan could possibly be, I can remember that He was and is faithful. That He has proven Himself trustworthy throughout my life.  

Difficulties come and go, but God remains the same.

My circumstances change.  My attitude changes.  My faith falters.  My fear creeps in.  My thoughts waver.  Temptation wins.  My obedience turns to disobedience.  But my Savior remains constant.

Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  Hebrews 13:8

I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Joshua 1:5  

That is something to say a big thanks for…no matter where I am, He is there loving me. No matter how good or bad or indifferent I am, He never leaves me or disowns me.

I might have said in the past, “Although I bet he might want to…” maybe a bit as a joke, but I will not joke about that now because I know that no matter what, God will not abandon me because His love for me is not at all – AT ALL – contingent on anything about me.  

Oh the relief that floods my heart as I sit here.  The blessed assurance that Jesus is mine…my Savior, my Friend, my Life.

…Christ who is your life… Colossians 3:4

I love that little phrase.  That little phrase with a HUGE implication.  My life is not just in Christ but is Christ.  I’m in awe of that.  My head wobbles a bit as I ponder the marvelousness of it.  

Hear the rest of the passage:

If then you have been raised with Christ seek the things that are above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.  For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.  Colossians 3:1-4

How can I live when I have died?  How can my life be hidden with Christ in God and Christ be my life both at the same time?  

I love how God gives us these things to think about…to realize how rich and wonderful our lives are because of Him…and He blessedly gives us the answer if we will but read further into his word :).

I have died to my sin…I have died to the old me. (vs. 5-9) The verses seem to be saying that I have to continually put these earthly things to death as I seek to put on the new me, “which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.”  (v. 10)

So now my life…this new life…is full of Christ.   “Christ is all, and in all.” (v. 11)

I’m identified as His and He as mine.  I’m His chosen one, holy and beloved… (v. 12)  

God tells me to put on a compassionate heart, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.  He commands me to bear with one another and forgive as I have been forgiven. “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace of Christ rule in my heart.”  And be thankful.  (v. 12-15)

Back to thankful.

What can I be thankful for?

Love.  Forgiveness.  Peace.  Compassion.  Kindness.  Humility.  Meekness.  Patience.  

My children.  Zachary.  Emma.  Peter.  Elizabeth.  Allison.

Practically thinking…My family.  My friends.  My neighbors.  My coworkers.  My home.  My yard.  My car.  My job.

Really within each of those there are many things to be thankful for.  Many.  Even just realizing that the love, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience he calls me to are the very same things He calls us all too.  What a lovely thing it would be if we all answered that call.

My children.  Where do I begin?  I cannot imagine my life without each of them.  They each enrich my life in more ways than I can fathom.  I’m blessed beyond measure by these people.

You see where I’m going right?  In every big thing I am thankful for there are many smaller, precious things to be thankful for as well.

My job…well, let’s just say, I’m weary.  BUT I work with some of the best, funniest, kindest, most generous people I know.  And those students God placed in my classroom…there are moments I’m acutely aware of the privilege I’ve been given to play a small role in their lives during the tumultuous awkward drama-filled middle school years.  

My home…the other day I was walking through my yard just praising God for this dream house of a home for my family.  It isn’t a mansion by any stretch, there is so much to do, we have been rooming with a few hundred ants lately, and summer is approaching so the dog is molting all over the house…BUT I love this place.  I love that this weekend I get to finally have my neighbors over and I can’t wait.  Although I haven’t figured out when I’m going to get it all ready, but I am excited nonetheless.  

Oh I’ve listed my grateful list before…I know.  I know I’m repeating myself.  BUT again God keeps showing me the powerful role thankfulness plays in my life.

For the past several years as my life has changed repeatedly – sometimes for the better, sometimes not – I have had moments of desperation and hopelessness as I look at all that I dislike about my life.  But if I will only take a moment to remember…remember how God has answered my prayers in the past, how He has continued to love me in unexpected ways, how He has provided for me when I thought there was simply no way, how He is faithful regardless of how faithful or faith-filled I am?

I need to remember.

I need to remember that this life is not about this earth…it is about Him.  

At times, my circumstances might feel hopelessly difficult.  I might see no way to change things for the better as I’d like to, but Jesus.  

Jesus is not just better.  Jesus is best.    Jesus, who is my life, is ready to bring me back to life…out of the darkness and into the light!

My life is Christ.  All I have to do is go to Him and living is mine.

John says he is sharing all this so that our joy may be complete.  (1 John 1:4)  

That my joy may be complete.  

Try wrapping your brain around that one.  I can’t seem to, but I don’t know if I need to.  I just want to accept it and live it.

Because I think that is what God is calling us to.  

And it begins with Jesus, our life.  It begins with Him and the gospel.

(You knew I was going there, right?)

The gospel.

Love it.

Thankful for it.

Couldn’t LIVE without it.

Couldn’t LIVE without Him.

Somebody Save Me Please

IMG_1600What if this life is about more than surviving?  Have you ever heard that saying about thriving instead of just surviving?  I don’t know what I think about that quote right now.

What is thriving anyway?

Is that even possible?

I don’t use the word thrive very often…I don’t even use the word survive very often.  I’m kind of in triage mode – that’s the phrase I use a lot.

Just living in triage mode…the most immediate disaster gets my attention first…the loudest complaint, the biggest boo-boo, the nearest deadline, and sometimes the easiest fix…if I’m honest.

And sometimes, living in triage mode means that the most important stuff doesn’t get met…it isn’t a good place to live.

Believe me.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to get out of it, but it appears to me right now that the only way is to walk through it…sometimes it seems like it’s getting darker rather than lighter though.

Darker?  I don’t want to do darker….bring on the spotlight!  Goodness, I’d take a flashlight…the little $1 one from Walmart.  Just a little light for the path again…

I’m tripping over angry, falling over frustrated, crashing into overwhelmed, and washing out over weariness.

Honestly, if I stub my toe one more time…

But what if…what if I’m called to something more than thriving or surviving?

What if I’m called to something not even in the same category?  Something radical?

Something like blessing?

What if my life is about blessing?

Blessing God….glorifying God and enjoying Him forever.

How do I do that in this?

This messy life.  This life full of tumult and tears.  This sleepless, exhausting life.  This life full of endless to-dos, responsibilities, expectations, and needs.  This life…

This life full of children…noisy, scruffy, feisty children who I love desperately.

This life full of home…untidy, laundry-full, dishes-full, wonky-floored home that I’m ever so thankful for.

This life of work…stressful, endless demands, difficult situation work that provides for my family.

This life of finances…busted budgets, fearful feelings, and exorbitant expenses that God always seems to work through.

This life of family…missing, needing, and loving family.

This life of friends….missing, needing and loving friends too.

This life of busyness…frantic, never-ceasing activity that blesses my children with fellowship, encouragement, and strength.

This life…this life is full of blessings.  It’s how I look at them that seems to make the difference.  It’s what I pay attention to…lately, I’ve pretty much only paid attention to my troubles.

Even my blessings have often seemed like HUGE burdens more than anything else lately.  Ever felt that way?

No wonder I can’t get my head in the game.

No wonder I’m always feeling on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I keep trying to do all this stuff in my own strength…as if to prove that I can.  Maybe to show myself worthy of…I don’t even know what.  Worthy of love? Worthy of admiration?  Just plain worthy?

Maybe I just want to be strong.  So often I feel so weak, but honestly if someone wanted to step in and “save” me from all this stress I’d take it.

Wait a minute…

There are some verses about that…

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.  Psalm 55:22

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Matthew 11:28-30

I have a Savior and He says to give it all to Him and the burden I get back is easy and light.

Oh my goodness!  How awesome does easy and light sound right now?!?

So practically speaking, how do I do easy and light when all heck seems to be breaking loose every other day in some area of my life…(wish I was exaggerating.)

All I can say is that I think it all has to do with my focus and my attitude.

If I can please remember that the Lord loves me and that HE DOES HAVE A PLAN in all of this and HE does want to help, provide, and care for me.

If I can please acknowledge with my attitude that Jesus is my Savior in all areas of my life.  He cares about everything.  He didn’t just check off the Savior box when He died on the cross.  He is the Savior of every second of my day.

Why can’t I live like I know that?  The gospel isn’t just for getting me into heaven…it’s for me every day.  It’s not just for life after death…it’s for life before death.  It’s for a life of thriving not just surviving (there I said it) not just hanging by a thread until heaven.

It’s a life of blessings because I have a big God and wonderful Savior.

Lord, show me how to live that way.  Show me how to step out of this triage mode into faith mode.  Please open my eyes to the blessings around me and help me to stop just focusing on what I see as the mess of my world.  Thank you Jesus for being the Savior of my soul and my situation.  I love you Lord.

Whatever It Takes

IMG_1718I’ve become a late-night person…through no design of my own.

I desperately need more hours in the day…more days in the week…and more sleep in my bed.

Last night as I lay my head down on my crazy configuration of multiple fluffy pillows, I began to pray for friends and family, for my children and myself.

I want my people to know the Lord.

I’ve been praying “whatever it takes” off and on for someone.  Actually a few someones.

I began to utter that prayer again and the thought crossed my mind, “Gosh, I hope someone isn’t praying that prayer for me!”

I stopped praying.

Then I thought, “Wow. How you have changed Sue.”

What happened that I fear that prayer now?

Is it that I think God is a father who would say, “Ok, I accept that challenge!  Let’s see what it takes.”

That is not my Father…He is not willing to play with my faith or my life.  He loves me too much.

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore, I have continued my faithfulness to you.  Jeremiah 31:3

Or is it that I know myself better today than 7 years ago when I was willing to pray that prayer for myself and anyone else I loved.

Back then I was the “righteous one” – I was the victim of someone else’s sin – or so I felt about myself.

Today, I am just me and my own sin…my own failures and fears….my own faithlessness.

God’s been opening my eyes to things in my life…I feel it’s just layers and layers and layers of stuff.

It is painful and difficult.

I’m tired of painful and difficult.

I think that might be why I’m struggling to pray that prayer.  I think I don’t want to go through anything else…I’m tired of doing hard things.

Living hard.

I’m tired of others struggling with hard too.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.

In this world you will have trouble.  But fear not, for I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Well, that confirms what I already knew…Jesus is a man of His word.  I got trouble.

But if I do…God has to have a reason for allowing it.

God doesn’t mess with me.  He sometimes allows messy but not messing.

Lately, as God has been showing me my layers and layers of issues and sins, honestly, I’ve had some moments of despair.  I’ve felt that I must be the most hopeless case ever.

But then….God.

(There is that “But God” thing…)

Then God reminds me that as big as my sin is…the cross is so much bigger.

The gospel.

Sometimes I forget.

Sometimes I live at the foot of the cross rather than the door to the empty tomb.

Sometimes I forget that although my sins put Him there, His love took me from the cross to the throne of grace.

There is a place for self-reflection…for a moment.  A place for recognizing that I still need my Savior.  A place for seeing my sin and its effects, but my eyes aren’t supposed to be fixed there.

My eyes focus intensely on Christ.

The Author and Perfecter of my faith.

Sometimes I think that my faith is all about me…It’s my job to protect it, strengthen it, reveal it, and nurture it.

I was never given that job…my job is to have it.

Have faith.

Trust that God can bring me safely to my inheritance.

Trust that God knows me better than I know myself, and, amazingly, He still promises to never leave me nor forsake me.

Trust that God doesn’t play games with my life.

Trust that God knows what He is doing…and it is good.

He can’t do bad.

Sometimes I just need to remind myself of that…God can’t do wrong.

And if He can’t, then I can pray that prayer…even if I have flocks of butterflies in my stomach and bats in my chest while I utter the words, “Whatever it takes…”

Whatever it takes to strengthen my faith.

Whatever it takes to make me the mom my children need.

Whatever it takes to keep me walking with You.

Whatever it takes to grow me into the woman after Your own heart I so want to be.

Whatever it takes to have a life that You can use for your glory.

Hard prayers…and yet, not.

If I trust Him, I can pray for those things and know He loves me and whatever it takes is worth it.

I can’t say that I’m joyful or even excited about some prayers I feel called to pray, but I can say that I feel loved and peaceful in the care of my Father.

And maybe it doesn’t really matter if I pray those prayers or not…God is going to do what is best in my life…whatever brings me closest to Him…whatever it takes.

 

A Moment of Still

photo (35)A long wooden farm table, enough to seat a quiverful and some friends, tea in the cup my oldest daughter chose for me while at the beach with friends, a highlighted, underlined and well-loved Bible open before me, and quiet…my perfect morning.

God has blessed me this morning with this beautiful moment of still.

A moment of reflection of all that He has done for me.  Today my heart overflows with gratitude for a new home which has already become filled with laughter and joy.

I feel like David when he knelt before the altar and prayed these words:

“Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?  And yet, this was a small thing in your eyes, O Lord GOD.  You have spoken also of your servant’s house for a great while to come, and this is instruction for mankind, O Lord GOD! And what more can David say to you?  For you know your servant, O Lord GOD!  Because of your promise, and according to your own heart, you have brought about all this greatnesss, to make your servant know it.  Therefore you are great, O LORD God.  For there is none like you, and there is no God besides you, according to all that we have heard with our ears.” 2 Samuel 7:18-22

Indeed, who am I Lord?  How have you blessed me so?  And yet, it was no giant thing for you because you are so wonderful, loving, faithful, and kind.  Nothing is too great for you, Lord.  Your power is beyond my understanding.  You have been faithful to me and my house.  You have promised to never leave me nor forsake me, and I believe you will not.  You love me Lord – despite my failures and sins.  You are the source of all that is good in my life, Father.  And I know it!  There is no God like my God.

The second night we were in our new home amist hastily packed boxes of odds and ends (those dreaded odds and ends), I stepped outside to take clothes off the clothesline (I had specifically prayed for that clothesline and God even provided that little detail!  How sweet is my Father!).  As I walked across my beautiful yard I was overwhelmed with gratitude and awe of how deeply I am loved by my Creator.  How kind He is to me and my children.

In this blessing of a home  –  which we prayed mighty hard for – God has shown us His love in not only the provision of a home but in a hundred little things too.  Sometimes it’s the little things that speak loudest to me.  The hoped for clothesline, the bountiful berry bushes, the precious nests of baby birds on the porch, the porch swing, the pretty mailbox, the lovely window treatments left behind…there are so many little blessings all around us.  Each room holds a treasure…something that reminds me how my great God takes care of not just the big things but the little things as well.  That He is not a God of just the big prayers answered, but little wishes and hopes fulfilled.

It reminds me of the verses about God taking care of the sparrows and the flowers.  (Matthew 6:25-34).  It is a beautiful reminder that God provides.  My new yard is full of flowers, which I am fervently hoping I can nurture because I most certainly do not have a green thumb!  It feels like each day I find another glorious bloom somewhere in the yard.  It is awe-inspiring to me.  Such beauty and grace simply growing in my yard.  I’m so thankful.

I keep having to pinch myself.  This house, this yard, these children…all my blessings?  Truly?  How kind and loving is my Father!

My Father is beyond generous to me…I always know that no matter what He will provide, help, and love me.

And boy oh boy!  Have I been blessed!  Provided for!  Helped!  And loved!!!

As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.

 1Timothy 6:17

I have never noticed that verse before…it says “enjoy” – not need, but enjoy!  Wow!  How cool is that!

I know that God supplies all my needs, and I see that in the house He has provided for us.

I know that He also richly supplies things to enjoy as well, and I see that in the home He has given us full of reminders of a God of loving details.

I’m so excited to share God’s blessing and provision – how He has begun turning my mourning to dancing; and loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness!  (Psalm 30:11-12)  How my joy has come this morning!  (Psalm 30:5)

The past 10 months have been some of the most challenging of my life…I have felt overwhelmed, exhausted, sorrowful, and even a bit hopeless at times.  Although I struggled, I knew deep down that I could trust God…I didn’t always feel it, but I did know it.  I described it as my feet firmly planted in the peaceful current of belief in a faithful and loving God even while the storm raged around me.  Living in a hurricane.

Now I feel a respite from the storm…a peaceful moment of blessing.  Oh how I have needed this…how my childen have needed this.

And right now, I want to encourage you that God is working in your life…even while things are difficult and it seems like He has forgotten you and your circumstances.  He has not.  He is working mightily on your behalf.
It reminds me of the verses in Jeremiah when God tells Israel that He has a plan for them, a plan to prosper them and not to harm them. (Jeremiah 29:11-14) That plan was shared during their captivity.  In fact God was telling Israel that at the same time He was informing them that they were going to be in captivity for another 70 years.

“For thus says the LORD: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans I  have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.”  Jeremiah 29:10-14

During those 40 years God told them to “build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce.”  Have families, work hard, and make lives, and pray!  Pray for not only themselves but the very place they found themselves.  They weren’t just to sit in their captivity and wait for the good to happen, they were to live their lives and see God’s provision, grow from His preparation, and learn perseverance and trust.

Right not, I can look back and see what God did to get me to this place.  I cannot honestly say that I’m thankful for what I’ve been through, but I am thankful for where God has brought me.  In a several weeks I will head back to work and the children will head back to school and life will be nuts again.  And I pray that I will remember to pray, to live, to worship, to be thankful…that I will trust that on difficult days and in challenging moments God is working on my behalf.  He is always looking to my best interest.  At no point does God sit back and let things go willy-nilly on their way.  He has a plan, a good plan, and I’m part of that plan.

So today, I sit quietly reflecting on what He has brought us through and where He has brought us.  I sit gratefully praising my Father for His kind and loving provision.  And I sit expectantly of all that He will do in our lives…how He will enable me to use this home for His glory.

Spaghetti Girl

supergirl My quiet time is happening rather late in the day, but I’m so very thankful for it whenever it happens.

Last night I was blessed to spend time with all 5 of my children to celebrate Peter’s 14th birthday!  My oldest drove down to spend the evening with us.  It was so nice to have all my chicks under one roof again.

Unfortunately, it also made me realize that I gave that up when we moved here.  Taking this job required us to be here, and his job and classes required him to stay there.  It was one of the most difficult parts of my decision.  Although he is turning 21 this year so I imagine it didn’t impact him nearly as much as it impacted me J.

The time went by so quickly and this morning when we parted to head to our different jobs – mine 15 minutes away and his 1 ½ hours away (I definitely had the better commute this morning) – a little bit of my heart broke.  It is hard being a momma.

I love my children so much.  Sometimes I’m just shocked at how much and how deeply I love them.

And I desperately want to make decisions that bless them, encourage them, build them up, and show how much I love them…

Sometimes I worry my decisions do none of those things.  I wonder if I make good decisions…I just feel like I’m always spinning…

This morning was one of those mornings where all I could think was, “Did I make the best decision for my family?”

I hate when I start second-guessing.  I’m so blasted good at it though.  I can second-third-fourth-fifth-sixth guess with no problem at all…it’s so easy for me.

So this morning I had to pray and remind myself AGAIN that this was a good decision.  I listed the good things AGAIN to myself.  I thanked God for the blessings AGAIN.

And I did start to feel better.

I just wonder if in this world any decision is going to feel like a slam dunk?

It is kinda funny (not ha-ha funny) but one of the times I felt absolutely sure I was following God’s will was when I married my ex-husband.  I’m not sure how to feel about that…

I believe part of the second-guessing I hear so many single parents or divorced people share is because one of our very biggest decisions (if not the biggest) didn’t end well.  There’s nothing like that to destroy any confidence in the ability to make decision.

Decision-making brings out all my “spaghetti-girl” issues.  Everything affects and impacts everything.  When I feel badly about one thing it oozes over into other areas and then it makes me feel badly about everything.  When I feel sad it spills all over everything.  When I’m worried, I’m worried about everything.

It is exhausting being Spaghetti Girl!

I don’t believe God called me to be like this…I am a girl so that part has to stay, and there are certain things about being a girl that lend themselves to feeling a lot like spaghetti.  BUT I don’t want to be all goofy.

I want to trust again…trust myself to make wise decisions because I have God and trust God that He will lead me to make right decisions.

I want to be a woman who loves the Lord not just with all my heart, but with all my mind.  I believe the theme of my week of Bible study continues to be taking my thoughts captive.  God keeps bringing me back to getting my thoughts straight.  It is so easy to get overwhelmed and feel hopeless, but this verse reminds me from where my relief comes:

If the LORD had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence.  When I thought, “My foot slips,” your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.  When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul….the LORD has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge.

Psalm 94:17-19, 22

I looked up “consolations” – it wasn’t a word I was very familiar with – it means “comforts”.

God’s comforts cheer my soul.  I don’t think I reap the benefits of having my soul cheered if I don’t recognize God’s comforts in my life.

What are the comforts in my life?

Jesus

His Word

My children

Friends – dear, dear friends

Family

Within those are so many other comforts…how can simply stating the name Jesus adequately communicate the multitude of comforts I experience because I know Him.

His Word….I want to write verse after verse after verse…all my favorites.

My children…such sweet blessings

My friends…those who stay with me even in my worst Spaghetti days especially!

My family…who love me and help me in so many ways

Do you remember how often God told the Israelites to be sure to remember what He had done for them?

My favorite is Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.  And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Put God’s words on your heart.

Teach them diligently to your children.

Talk about them all the time and everywhere.

Talk about them from the start of the day to the end of it.

Keep them in all that you do, think, see, and say!

Keep them in your home at all times!

A good list.  A plan to keep the comforts and blessings of God ever with us and before us and around us.

Kind of like that thankful list I make…which I haven’t done in a while.

Maybe if I focused more on the blessings (WHEN will I learn this lesson?) the decisions and second-guessing wouldn’t be such an issue.  I could see that things truly are in God’s hands.  I could see that God works everything, even all my decisions, for His good and my good!

I can trust God with my decisions and even my second-guessing.  I can trust Him with everything.  Maybe if I say that (write that) enough it will really stick and I will start acting like I KNOW it because I do know it!

Day 5 – What Will the Neighbors Think?

house

I have often joked that wherever we go, we are kind of like the Beverly Hillbillies.  I should just blare that music from our car when we enter the neighborhood.

I’m looking for a house right now.  I think maybe we should move out into the country!

We are loud and busy and just a lot…

My cul-de-sac in Fredericksburg knew us and loved us still…thank goodness!  I can’t tell you how blessed I was to have understanding neighbors…although I can’t imagine they didn’t shake their heads behind closed doors 🙂

The year that my husband left I had to learn a lot about the house and there were many days of decluttering, organizing, and projects…lots of throwing away and fixing.  One unintended project was a toilet bowl issues.

I had misplaced a set of keys…a big set of keys.  My friend Darcey and I tore the house apart looking for them.  No luck.  Finally, we had to figure the slow flushing powder room potty was the keys’ location.  My littlest daughter was two at the time, and we believed she was the culprit. We tried desperately to remove the keys with coat hangers, plungers, and gloved hands.  I won’t go into too much detail, but it was a very dirty job.  We finally ended up having to drag the nasty, dripping toilet through the foyer and out into the front yard so we could hose it out and recover the keys.

By this time, my friend Laurie had arrived to assist.  My friends are awesome!  Darcey, who in her first trimester, was amazing even in her nausea.  My friend Laurie was great too.  We could barely work for all the laughing.  My life had definitely become a really bad sitcom.  Darcey stated, “All your neighbors are in their houses calling their realtors right now.”  It was probably true.

After having a neighbor be front page news for adultery, watching massive amounts of stuff pile up at the curb, witnessing the craziness and noise of a big family daily, and now a toilet in the front yard…who wouldn’t second guess being neighbors with me?

But they didn’t move and instead they have laughed along with me, helped me more than I can say, welcomed my children into their homes so I could work, taken girls to AWANA, fed my children on crazy days, loaned me tools and ladders and supplies, answered questions, and prayed for me.

Now I’m moving and my heart is breaking for the loss of these neighbors.  They cannot be replaced…ever.

Right now, we are guests in my mom’s house and her neighbors don’t know us.  But they have heard us, and watched us, and probably been annoyed by us.  And I don’t have time for them to really know us.  And I wish I could.

I imagine they think I’m crazy.  Sometimes I worry what they think of me.  I wish it was summer and I could go outside and chat, but I can’t right now.  Life is just too busy.

I wonder when we move if we will have the time to invest in our neighbors like I want to.   How do single parents make friends? Build relationships.  Seriously?

I don’t know how to find time to meet people and even if I did, I wouldn’t have time to spend with them.  I know this is a season, but it is a season that I’d like to have the encouragement of friends close by.

I’m not complaining…well, maybe a little…:)  I’m ever so thankful for a job, and how could I not feel beyond blessed by my children.  It is another opportunity to focus on the positive and pray for answers to the negative.

And maybe I just need to make time to say “hi” to someone, even if I don’t have time.  And maybe I just need to call a coworker to sneak away for coffee.

I think it will be easier when I have my own home and leaving isn’t imposing on someone else…because my children rock and are happy to babysit….well maybe not happy, but willing. 🙂

There has to be a reason I’m in this place now…really trying to figure out what it could be.  Could it be to spend time building my relationship with the Lord and realizing that He is enough?

It usually, if not always, is that, right?  God wants to spend time with us. With me! Sometimes I’m so shocked by that.  Why in the world does He want to spend time with me?  That’s nuts!  But He isn’t nuts…He is loving.

I love spending time with my children.  I love hanging out and doing things.  I really do love them even when they are rotten.  I’d still choose them.

I’m so grateful that even when I’m rotten, God still chooses me.  That when my house is a mess…when my children are difficult…when our family is noisy and chaotic…when the yard is decorated with a  toilet…when our family falls apart in front of the world…God still loves us!  He wants to be with us.

He’d always choose to be our neighbor!

It’s Monday…A good time to rejoice

joy in the morningDay 2 (woohoo!)

Last night I attended a Bible study on Deuteronomy – I’m loving that book!  I wouldn’t have ever thought that I could get so much out of that book – but Jesus is everywhere in Scripture!  It is such a cool thing to seek and find Him!

Last night we talked about Deuteronomy 31:8:

It is the LORD who goes before you. 

He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. 

Do not fear or be dismayed. 

 I’m quite familiar with those verses…they have been a source of comfort like many others.  And last night as I sat there I thought, “Now, THAT is something to rejoice about!”

It was like the big picture for me.  I thought about 2 Corinthians 6:3-10

We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited.  Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way, in great endurance, in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience, and kindness; in the Holy spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying and yet we live on; beaten and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.  2 Corinthians 6:3-10

 

In all those things – good and bad – God is with Paul…God is with us.  And reading that list puts some perspective on my struggles.  Reading or watching the news does too.  But I don’t think that God ever says, “Have you seen those other people?  What they are going through?  Seriously, you are going to stress about your little problems!?”  In fact I’m positive it’s not in there.

In God’s eyes we are valuable and precious and loved.

…Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you.  Isaiah 43:4

And every one of our challenges and difficulties is important to Him.  Every one.

All this is not something new to me…I know that God doesn’t leave me or forsake me, but I think often I feel that God must be tired of me…tired of my struggles, sadness, and sins….maybe He is annoyed with me not being in a better place…maybe He is frustrated that I can’t just seem to be happy about things.

Not true!  Not true at all!

He doesn’t think those things at all!  He loves me with an everlasting love…an unconditional love.  He sees all our struggles, hears all our prayers and pleading, knows all the hurts and fears, and still He loves us unconditionally…that means that He doesn’t get tired of us ever.

When God says that He will never leave us or forsake us, that he really means it!  He really means that He isn’t going to leave our side…He doesn’t begrudgingly stay with us.

I have only to look at the cross to know that.

Who would sacrifice so much to be near me?  Who would die so that I might live with Him?  Who would bear such scorn and sorrow, so I can find joy and hope?  Noone but Jesus!

And THAT is definitely something to rejoice about!

I’m rejoicing this Monday morning that my God is going before me today and every day.  I’m rejoicing that He is with me.  I’m rejoicing that no matter what – no matter what – God will never leave me nor forsake me!  And because of that, I have no need to be afraid or discouraged by what life holds.

Lord, thank you so much for the reminder that I am never alone because you are ALWAYS with me.  Thank you Father that I don’t have to be afraid or discouraged because you go before me.  Nothing happens in my life that has not first passed through your hands.  I can trust that You will use it for good, no matter how it feels.  Thank you Father that even when it feels like everything is wonky, You are still in control.  Thank you Father for another day (even if it is a Monday!) and for loving me.  Thank you for the tremendous comfort of knowing I’m precious to You.

In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Strength for the Weary Warrior

silly knightYears ago I lead a women’s retreat called “How to Dress Like a Warrior.”

Lately I have felt anything but warrior-like.  If I am a warrior, I’m definitely a weary warrior.

Today I reread Ephesians 6:10-11

Finally be strong in the LORD and in his mighty power. 

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

I thought I’d look up the word might in my mighty big concordance.  It pretty much means strength, might, and power.   So I decided to look up other verses about God’s might…I’m in awe.

 The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. 

He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. 

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases his strength. 

Isaiah 40:28-31

 

WOW!!!! Did I need to read those verses right this very minute!  I can’t even begin to tell you how weary and faint and NOT mighty I am right now.

There is just no way around the tired…believe me, I’ve looked.  I’ve tried to get rest… get on top of things…have less going on…take charge…let go…hang on…release…you know, everything that is supposed to make life easier, but nothing really changes the crux of the matter.

I’m a single working mom with a bunch of sweeties…throw in trying to sell a house, find a house, prepare lessons, grade papers, deal with family issues, financial issues, and continuing ex-husband issues…well, there is no way to avoid the tired.

And sometimes when I consider the armor of God, I wonder if I’m even wearing it.   Sometimes it feels like I’m in a battle wearing my pjs and my only weapon is a feather pillow.

I was thinking about that verse – Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might.  I’m thinking that means that before the armor goes on I need to have the Lord’s strength working in my life.  Otherwise I’m just putting on my own armor – my own righteousness, my own truth, my own salvation, my own everything.

And honestly, I’ve got cruddy armor.

My breastplate is dented.  My shoes are Dollar Tree flip flops.  My shield is made of cardboard.  My helmet is an old baseball cap.  My sword…well, it’s more like a toothpick.  You get the idea.

If the armor must be God’s, I’m thinking the strength must be His as well.

In the New Testament that strength is often equated with the resurrection of Jesus.  Everything truly does go back to Jesus and the gospel.  I can live a life of victory and strength because of Jesus’ victory and strength on the Cross.

There’s a quote by Matthew Henry which basically says that no matter how good your armor is on the outside, if you don’t have a good heart on the inside, it’s useless.

“Let a solider be ever so well-armed without, if he have not within a good heart, his armour will stand him in little stead.”  Matthew Henry

I could have all that righteousness, faith, salvation, truth, and even the gospel, but if it all hasn’t reached my heart…it’s not of much use to me.  And if the foundation of my faith is not God’s strength, but my own…well, let’s just say that’s not much of a firm foundation.

Maybe things have been so difficult lately because I’m trying to do all this in my own might? Unfortunately I’m not sure how to do it any other way.  How do I not do everything that needs to be done…and what does it look like to do things in God’s strength, not my own?

In each ridiculously busy day, what do I give to God?  What do I let go of?  I wish I knew right now…I wish the next paragraph in this blog would hold the key to letting go and letting God.

But maybe it isn’t so much about me doing anything more or less.  Maybe it is more about me having a shift in my mindset.  Maybe I need to re-evaluate what is causing me to feel so weary.  Could it be my own expectations?  My wish and hope to have a different life?  Discontentment?  Fear?  Insecurities?  Anxiety?  Anger? Bitterness? Frustration?  Probably some of those, maybe all…depending on the day.

I keep trying to figure out how to make this life easier…get off the battlefield.  I don’t think that is God’s plan for me yet.  I think the plan is to teach me to trust despite the battle…to smile despite the frustrations…to be thankful despite the weariness…to praise despite the problems.

And as I’m listing some of what causes me angst, I’m thinking that part of the change in perspective might be stopping all the focusing on the battles, frustrations, weariness, and problems.

Good gravy!  There are good things in my life too!  The blessing of children.  The love of friends.  The provision of a place to stay, a car, a job, and food on the table.  There’s even things like beautiful clothes to wear, inspiring music to listen to, and wonderful books to read (if I had time to read).

Most morning on my way to work, I see gorgeous sunrises.  I’m also blessed to drive through a park that is often filled with deer walking quietly through the morning mist.  It is exquisite and peaceful.  A truly wonderful way to start my day!

In the evening, I can step outside and look up at thousands of twinkling stars…again exquisite and peaceful.  God does offer me peace, rest, and opportunities for thankfulness and praise.  If I would but open my eyes and take a minute away from the stress of my circumstances, I think I’d see so many more things to inspire and bless!

There will always be things that distract us…things that cause us to take our eyes off of Christ…things that sap our strength…BUT nothing can sap God’s strength!  And if God is the source of our strength, we do not need to fear the frustrations of life, we can rest assured He will provide all that we need…even the armor to get us through the battle.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church

and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen!  Ephesians 3:20-21