Money

What Sized Task Are You Dealing With?

/ Sue Birdseye / 4 Comments

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Do any of you feel like you are living in a world of God-sized tasks?

I feel like I am.

In fact, recently while dealing with a rather big issue in my life, I was again reminded of the God-sized task world that seems to be mine.

Unfortunately, right now the biggest God-sized task is a financial one. I hate financial things. That’s why I majored in English – I was sure to not have to work with numbers. Seriously, financial stuff is apparently not my gifting, but oh how I want it to be.

My financial situation hit me full in the face a few weeks ago.  That night, I had a mini-nervous breakdown  and a few days later figured out a plan that seemed like the answer to prayer. It was going to work beautifully. I was thrilled, excited, beyond blessed.

But…

why is there always a but?

A mere week later something happened that changed my financial plan significantly. My great plan went up in smoke…poof. And with it went my hope to ever be in a better place. So frustrating.

Money is one of the things in my life that cause the most fear and anxiety.   I feel like I should be able to do this financial thing better. I should be able to make this work. In fact, I’m horribly embarrassed to share this with you. I have shared the intimate details with only a few and that hasn’t come without regrets.  I’m praying that sharing what God is showing me through this will be a blessing to someone and I will have no regrets.

Its difficult to share something you feel like a failure at…something that is such a ridiculous challenge. I feel like it shouldn’t be such a challenge. Why is it Lord?

Today I was speaking to my sweet sister, sharing my struggle and praying with her. And I realized something – I had put my hope in my own ability to figure it out, develop and implement a plan.  I had given myself a sense of peace because I saw that I had the ability to fix things. I didn’t need anyone or anything…all me! I was going to get this done. I wasn’t going to ask for nothing from nobody! And someday I could say to anyone who asked that I had overcome this huge Sue-sized task.

But

(there it is again)

But God wants me to see Him do it. God wants me to know that it is Him and only Him. It is indeed a God-sized task.

Writing this now reminds me of the story of Gideon in Judges 7. “The Lord said to Gideon, “The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, “My own hand has saved me.” (v. 2)

Oh dear…that does sound a bit like me. I have all of a sudden realized that I really want to say that I have done it. The I have successfully navigated this mess of a financial situation. I have figured it, conquered it, overcome it.

I don’t need anyone to help me, thank you very much.

All me. All amazing, smart, savy Sue.

Yeah…not so much.

Not that a plan and a vision are bad…I think it is the heart in which it is developed and implemented. My heart was all pride.

God again is showing me that my life is about Him…about relying on Him, about trusting Him, about watching Him work, provide and love me in ways I never imagined. My God is able to do far more abundantly than all that I ask or imagine, according to the power at work within me. (Ephesians 3:20)

Recently I heard someone say that all the money in the world is God’s. It’s not like He can’t provide for me and mine…and you and yours.

Finances can seem to me like the thing that God can’t do. The thing God has to do in a natural, not supernatural, way…doesn’t He have to work within the confines of what my income is and what my expenses are? Can He do something differently? Can He provide in ways I can’t imagine?

You betcha!

So today, I’m sitting here thinking…Okay God, I’m ready to give this to you. I’m ready to let you have this…I’m ready to see what you can do to fix the mess I’m in…the mess I’ve made.

Please show me what you would have me do. What opportunities should I grab hold of to help me provide for my family? Where should I focus? What is the plan?  Lord, please show me what to do.  Father, please provide a way to get out of this mess.

And even as I pray that, I wonder am I being selfish to ask? Do I deserve to be able to pray a prayer like that?

Sometimes I don’t think I even remotely grasp how much my Father loves me.  And yet, I struggle.  I wonder is this the thing that God wants me to do…to be a better steward of things? Should I just suck it up and deal with things the way they are?  Accept that this is going to be very, very difficult, but I made the mess and I have to clean it up.

No. That can’t be the way God wants me to handle this. It has to be about trusting Him to provide. It has to be about knowing that God can handle this. It has to be that He wants to show me what my Father can do to make things better…my Father specializes in God-sized tasks.

My earthly father, who is now with my Heavenly Father, was always willing to help me. I had but to ask and he was there. I miss him. I miss his advice, his wisdom, and the way he cared about me.  I know that my father would always do whatever he could to help me because he loved me. My Heavenly Father is no different. He loves me. He has the world at His fingertips…it is all His. He will take care of, provide for, and love on me.

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)

It is just something He does. He loves perfectly.

I don’t know if God will jump in to this mess with me and fix it tomorrow, or if it will be a longer process that requires patience on my part. (Oh please, please don’t let it be the patience one…please, please, please.)

There are decisions that I have to make that are dependent upon those silly financial issues. Not only do I need provision, but I need wisdom and discernment. I feel excited about this.

No longer is trepidation trampling my emotions. At least not at this moment. God has given me a fresh perspective – a hope when things look rather hopeless. A peace when a glance at my budget does anything but create peace.

Believe me, that hope and peace make no sense at all in lieu of the facts. That’s what I love about God…that and a thousand other things…that when everything seems beyond hopeless, He pours on the peace.

This overwhelmingly big God-sized task ?  I’m giving it to my Father…it’s all His.

My Money Faucet…Quick!! Someone Get a Wrench!

/ Sue Birdseye / 4 Comments

money faucetSo I know in polite conversation you aren’t supposed to talk about God, politics or money. I already talk about God because He’s everything to me. And although I have very strong opinions about most things, I’ve decided to refrain from politics. But today I just gotta vent a bit about money.

Oh my goodness!!! I think it is literally pouring out of my bank account…there must be a faucet turned on that I’m unaware of and I desperately need to find it…FAST!!!

Yesterday I had to get new glasses…and since I’m over 40 they’re transition lenses. It’s a worthwhile investment (I hope) but ouch! Today the A/C motor went out and as the repairman gave me the quote I seriously wondered if we could just go without A/C upstairs this summer. Oh well…it’s just money right?

Tomorrow the car goes to the shop because I believe it has some serious indigestion problems. I’m hoping I get a mechanic that won’t take advantage of my inexperience with cars.

I also need to write a check to my community pool for the summer. We don’t do vacations…we jump in the pool! I just have to join.

In a few days I have to write a big ole check to the state of Virginia. I love my state but golly! Not THAT much!

I wish those were the only things…but it just goes on and on and on…

The year after my husband left I was so frugal that even with my tight budget I could save. And I took great comfort in that savings account. It was my security blanket.

My Dad asked me once how I was doing financially and I said, “I’m actually doing okay.” And I thought, “Wow! I am.” And then I patted myself on the back for having a savings account and being so careful. And I thought how wonderful it was that I had that safety net.

And then almost instantly I realized that I was trusting my own ability to take care of myself and my children. Not that it isn’t important to be wise with money, to be frugal and to save, but I had put an awful lot of faith in myself – in my ability to provide for my family. It was no longer about just being prepared it was about being in control.

I prayed for forgiveness and the right perspective. And BOY! Did God give it!

All of a sudden it seemed like everything needed repairs or to be replaced. Apparently my house had reached “middle-age” and needed some TLC. Unfortunately that TLC came at the expense (and I do mean expense) of my security blanket.

My savings account dwindled down in a surprisingly fast fashion. But I began again to put my trust in God…I didn’t have the money to trust anymore…therefore, the ability to control or at least feel in control was gone too.

I’m thinking maybe I didn’t learn that lesson adequately enough
…or God likes me in this place.

Because money just refuses to enter or stay in my account. I mean really…it’s getting almost comical. (Almost.)

I’m not sure how to approach it. I don’t know that I can add another thing to my life. But I gotta pray – maybe God will open my eyes to opportunities around me or ways I can save more.

But even though there is a bit of panic in my heart and head about this, I’m determined to trust that God will provide all that I need.

Okay…so while I’ve been typing this the repairman has been trying to fit the universal motor in my a/c unit and guess what!?! My unit will have none of it … they have to special order the part. It’s gonna cost more!!! ROTFL!

Seriously, I can’t stop laughing.

You know what…just bring it…God’s got this.