Recently it seems I have had to fill out a ridiculous number of forms that all require me to write down my status…single, married, divorced, widowed… It’s amazing how much I want to deny my actual status. Who would have thought I’d ever wish I could check any box but divorced? Just being honest. I… Continue reading Little Boxes…annoying little boxes
I’ve always said that the adjective that best describes my house is “sticky” – not the most sought after description I know. But today, I feel like I might actually be living in the bottom of an old cracker box…full of crumbs and cracker dust. Seriously, everywhere I look is a preponderance of dust. Not sure what changed but…dang!
Recently I have had SO much to do and SO little time to do it. It isn’t like that is unusual for me, but this time I have a contractual deadline for a project so I gotta get it done and I can’t just do my usual fly by the seat of my pants thing. I must do this really well. Actually I’d prefer to do everything really well.
Last month was crazy busy. I don’t think I’ve ever understood that phrase to the extent that I do now. Between end of the school year activities, room mom responsibilities, senior graduation and all the accompanying things, parties, birthdays, 3 trips out of town to help with my parents’ health issues, and…oh yeah…I got the first edits of a big project in the middle of it all. Nothing like “perfect” timing. I must believe that God has this all under control because I most definitely do not.
I seem to be back in my sleep-a-little, work-a-lot mode. And unfortunately, as I’m working so hard on so many things, my house gets dustier and dustier and dustier. The dishes get done, the laundry gets done and meals get made. Well….meals…hmmmm…I feel like I’m not doing the best job on that front either…thankfully I have children who are good eaters because I’m throwing veggies and fruit at them all the time to make up for the lame meals I’m preparing. I’m blessed to have understanding children…who are also quite good at flying by the seat of their pants!
See I am helping my children without even realizing it! I’m helping them be flexible, spontaneous and not easy flustered by unexpected scheduling issues. I love how God can take one of my many flaws and turn it around to something kinda positive.
So now I’m figuring out how to breath better in the midst of my sticky,dusty chaos…I’m trying to chill a bit. Do any of you struggle with chillin’? I’m finding it incredibly difficult not to feel like I’m in a whirlwind mentally, emotionally, and even physically lately. I believe it all begins with simply too much to think about, consider, deal with and decide. I’m wanting a mental break not a mental breakdown. Being mentally overloaded tends to make me feel emotionally spent as well. I feel frazzled and a bit hopeless in my outlook which tends to make me either sad or fussy depending on the situation or day. All that mental and emotional baggage makes my bed lumpy so I don’t tend to sleep well. I have some silly health issues which make sleep imperative so if I don’t get sleep I worry about my health and then I feel worse. Know what I mean? Mind games…and not fun ones.
Thankfully, I feel like I’m coming out on the other side of my little black rain cloud…or maybe I should say my funnel cloud. And it isn’t because things have necessarily gotten “better,” but I believe I’ve gotten better at dealing with things – those blasted things that destroy my peace, overwhelm me and make my house dusty.
My faith is strengthening me – God has not abandoned me. I’m continually learning to trust Him. He is working all this for good in my life because I love Him. My friends are strengthening me with kind and encouraging words…and also a few “put your big girl pants on” words. My children are strengthening me simply because I love them so dearly and want to give them my best. They don’t need a whiny, fussy, overwhelmed mommy! And I am putting on my big girl pants because I want to be the best woman and mom I can be.
I must get my focus off of the chaos and onto the hope God gives me. And I’ll have to get used to the dust because the to do list isn’t shrinking anytime soon!
Recently I took my 5 sweeties out to dinner. It was an unexpectedly delightful evening. I even had a lady come up to the table and comment that my children were very well behaved! Wow! Did the earth stop rotating for a second?
Usually when all of us go anywhere there is a fair amount of noise, confusion and general bedlam. I have one child in particular that knows how to bring the “party” – and by that I mean the chaos. Her parties completely stress me out. How can someone so small cause such mayhem?
She is challenging and sometimes a bit rotten. And I love her fiercely. God has put a very special affection for her in my heart. I know that He made me specifically to be her Mommy. I’m comforted and blessed by that because sometimes I feel inadequate to the task.
Tonight I had an epiphany. I was praying for my youngest daughters at bedtime. Just moments earlier she was having a fit – being openly defiant and talking back. I was remaining calm (praise God!) and praying that I was responding appropriately. I finally convinced her to be still and I got on my knees between my little girls’ beds and began to pray. I was praying for God’s peace which passes all understanding to guard her heart and her mind in Christ Jesus and then I remembered that the first part of that passage of scripture applied just as much to the current situation. Philippians 4:6-7 ‘”Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
The last couple of days have been very difficult ones especially with this beautiful little person. She has challenged all that I thought I knew about parenting. And I’m pretty sure she enjoys every minute of it! Sometimes I can become very anxious about our future – hers and mine. I worry what the teenage years are going to be like if I don’t figure out how to deal with some of her stuff…and my stuff. Tonight when I was praying for peace those words about not being anxious came back to me. It struck me that I was allowing fear to get a foothold. I was holding tightly to my anxious thoughts instead of praying about them.
He says to not be anxious about ANYTHING and to pray to Him about EVERYTHING. The cool thing about God is that He doesn’t exaggerate ever. He tells it like it is…always. He can use words like anything, everything, always and never with abandon because He means it. I can’t say “always” or “never” because I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next 30 seconds much less beyond that! God doesn’t want me to worry about anything in my life. He wants me to let Him handle everything and that includes my littlest girl, my two teenagers, my middle schooler, my kindergartener…and me.
Then God makes it interesting – He doesn’t just say to pray about everything – He says to be thankful about it all too. I’ve shared before that God has shown me the beauty of being grateful. It’s amazing how I can find things to thank Him for when I actually look. So tonight instead of complaining about how difficult it is to parent my children, I thanked Him for each one. I thanked Him for my children individually and for how they had changed my life for the better. It was such a refreshing time of rediscovery. Sometimes I get so mired down in the day to day living and dealing with things, that I forget to really look at my children for the blessings that they are to me.
The final part is the best — “and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” — it isn’t just going to cover you or fill you, it’s going to guard your heart and your mind. Wow! I never thought about that before. Those two parts of me – my heart and my mind – need some serious peace. One is broken and one is questionable in is functionability. I think I’m going to take some time to check out exactly what all that implies for my life, but this post is already way too long. So tomorrow (or someday soon when I have a minute or two) I’ll share what God shows me about His peace and what guarding my heart and mind really means for me – and you!
I pray that tonight God’s peace will pour over you completely, fill you to overflowing and guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus!