Heavenly Father

What Sized Task Are You Dealing With?

/ Sue Birdseye / 4 Comments

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Do any of you feel like you are living in a world of God-sized tasks?

I feel like I am.

In fact, recently while dealing with a rather big issue in my life, I was again reminded of the God-sized task world that seems to be mine.

Unfortunately, right now the biggest God-sized task is a financial one. I hate financial things. That’s why I majored in English – I was sure to not have to work with numbers. Seriously, financial stuff is apparently not my gifting, but oh how I want it to be.

My financial situation hit me full in the face a few weeks ago.  That night, I had a mini-nervous breakdown  and a few days later figured out a plan that seemed like the answer to prayer. It was going to work beautifully. I was thrilled, excited, beyond blessed.

But…

why is there always a but?

A mere week later something happened that changed my financial plan significantly. My great plan went up in smoke…poof. And with it went my hope to ever be in a better place. So frustrating.

Money is one of the things in my life that cause the most fear and anxiety.   I feel like I should be able to do this financial thing better. I should be able to make this work. In fact, I’m horribly embarrassed to share this with you. I have shared the intimate details with only a few and that hasn’t come without regrets.  I’m praying that sharing what God is showing me through this will be a blessing to someone and I will have no regrets.

Its difficult to share something you feel like a failure at…something that is such a ridiculous challenge. I feel like it shouldn’t be such a challenge. Why is it Lord?

Today I was speaking to my sweet sister, sharing my struggle and praying with her. And I realized something – I had put my hope in my own ability to figure it out, develop and implement a plan.  I had given myself a sense of peace because I saw that I had the ability to fix things. I didn’t need anyone or anything…all me! I was going to get this done. I wasn’t going to ask for nothing from nobody! And someday I could say to anyone who asked that I had overcome this huge Sue-sized task.

But

(there it is again)

But God wants me to see Him do it. God wants me to know that it is Him and only Him. It is indeed a God-sized task.

Writing this now reminds me of the story of Gideon in Judges 7. “The Lord said to Gideon, “The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, “My own hand has saved me.” (v. 2)

Oh dear…that does sound a bit like me. I have all of a sudden realized that I really want to say that I have done it. The I have successfully navigated this mess of a financial situation. I have figured it, conquered it, overcome it.

I don’t need anyone to help me, thank you very much.

All me. All amazing, smart, savy Sue.

Yeah…not so much.

Not that a plan and a vision are bad…I think it is the heart in which it is developed and implemented. My heart was all pride.

God again is showing me that my life is about Him…about relying on Him, about trusting Him, about watching Him work, provide and love me in ways I never imagined. My God is able to do far more abundantly than all that I ask or imagine, according to the power at work within me. (Ephesians 3:20)

Recently I heard someone say that all the money in the world is God’s. It’s not like He can’t provide for me and mine…and you and yours.

Finances can seem to me like the thing that God can’t do. The thing God has to do in a natural, not supernatural, way…doesn’t He have to work within the confines of what my income is and what my expenses are? Can He do something differently? Can He provide in ways I can’t imagine?

You betcha!

So today, I’m sitting here thinking…Okay God, I’m ready to give this to you. I’m ready to let you have this…I’m ready to see what you can do to fix the mess I’m in…the mess I’ve made.

Please show me what you would have me do. What opportunities should I grab hold of to help me provide for my family? Where should I focus? What is the plan?  Lord, please show me what to do.  Father, please provide a way to get out of this mess.

And even as I pray that, I wonder am I being selfish to ask? Do I deserve to be able to pray a prayer like that?

Sometimes I don’t think I even remotely grasp how much my Father loves me.  And yet, I struggle.  I wonder is this the thing that God wants me to do…to be a better steward of things? Should I just suck it up and deal with things the way they are?  Accept that this is going to be very, very difficult, but I made the mess and I have to clean it up.

No. That can’t be the way God wants me to handle this. It has to be about trusting Him to provide. It has to be about knowing that God can handle this. It has to be that He wants to show me what my Father can do to make things better…my Father specializes in God-sized tasks.

My earthly father, who is now with my Heavenly Father, was always willing to help me. I had but to ask and he was there. I miss him. I miss his advice, his wisdom, and the way he cared about me.  I know that my father would always do whatever he could to help me because he loved me. My Heavenly Father is no different. He loves me. He has the world at His fingertips…it is all His. He will take care of, provide for, and love on me.

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11)

It is just something He does. He loves perfectly.

I don’t know if God will jump in to this mess with me and fix it tomorrow, or if it will be a longer process that requires patience on my part. (Oh please, please don’t let it be the patience one…please, please, please.)

There are decisions that I have to make that are dependent upon those silly financial issues. Not only do I need provision, but I need wisdom and discernment. I feel excited about this.

No longer is trepidation trampling my emotions. At least not at this moment. God has given me a fresh perspective – a hope when things look rather hopeless. A peace when a glance at my budget does anything but create peace.

Believe me, that hope and peace make no sense at all in lieu of the facts. That’s what I love about God…that and a thousand other things…that when everything seems beyond hopeless, He pours on the peace.

This overwhelmingly big God-sized task ?  I’m giving it to my Father…it’s all His.

A Father’s Love…

/ Sue Birdseye / 4 Comments

 

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Tomorrow is Father’s Day.

It’ll be my first Father’s Day without my dad.  He passed away in September.

Dad was an amazingly humble man.  Generous.  Honorable.  Loyal.  Sacrificial.

Dad was a West Point grad, an Army officer who served his country with distinction, a loving husband for over 60 years, and a father to 4 children.

He didn’t brag of his awards or achievement – in fact, many I didn’t find out about until after his death.

I have many fond memories of my dad…the time he called me up during college and sang, “I just called to say I love you!”  The summer we spent together performing with a summer stock company.  Watching him putter around in the garden or garage.  His affection for the beauty of a clock.  Playing a game of tennis with him…and him always yelling to me over the net, “Don’t forget your follow-thru!” or “Stronger wrist!”

At various times in my life I would walk with him and talk about things.  He was a good listener.

His last few years of life here on earth were rough for this man’s man.  He struggled a lot.  And although he had accepted the Lord in his 70s, he wrestled with his faith during his last year.  He wanted more answers than we could give.

He finally came to the place where he just wanted peace…God’s peace.  He longed to be in His presence.  There was a moment when my sister and I were sitting on either side of him, praying, laughing, and crying a bit.  When both of us were longing for God to allow Him to come home….to truly be in His presence…to know complete peace.  That was not the moment though.

I was blessed to be with my mom and dad on my father’s last night here on earth.  I am at a loss as to how to describe the night.  Death is not natural…it is awful.  Watching my dad struggle…being unable to truly help him was devastating.  I desperately did not want him to die…and yet, desperately wanted him free of that painful, failing body of his.

There was a moment that night when I was holding him and trying to comfort him that is more precious than I can say.  My Dad couldn’t talk well…could barely whisper. (Although he could still utter a quite firm “No!” when he didn’t want us to do something – must have been the military officer in him J)  I said, “Daddy, I love you so much.”  And he whispered, “I love you too.”  It isn’t like my dad hadn’t said it a thousand times before because he had.  But in that moment when I knew every word was a tremendous labor, it meant the world to me.  I would have understood a nod, but I cherished completely those whispered words.

Those were the last words my Dad said to me.  How awesome is that?  I’m so honored that I got to be with him that night.  So thankful that God provided that opportunity.

But as I look forward to Father’s Day tomorrow…I don’t know what to do.  I can tell that it has affected me more than I thought it would.  Today I was invited to a graduation party, a wedding, and a birthday party.  And I feel like all I want to do is hide.  I just want time to think quietly.  To spend with God.

That’s part of this single parent life that is challenging.  Finding the time to be still, to be in God’s presence without interruption, to feel things…with 5 children around all the time, I find it hard to allow myself to truly feel things.  I don’t think my children need to see the depth of my emotions.  That is between God and me.  Today my kids are with their Dad and I’m trying to spend the day with my Heavenly Father.

Sometimes I feel closest to Him when I write…it feels like often He is sitting right beside me.  Reminding me of things.  Opening my eyes to His truths.  Revealing things I need to face.  Soothing my heart.

I’m comfortable in His presence because I know He loves me just the way I am.

 

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God loves me just like my dad.   He speaks that love to me in a million ways.  There is so much to be thankful for…my children who bring me to my knees daily in prayer, petition and thanksgiving, my family who loves me, my friends who stand by me, my home, my garden which is thriving despite my black thumb, the beautiful sky which my kids tell me I take way too many pictures of, this sunny, spring day, the sounds of spring outside – lawns being mowed, dogs barking, and birds chirping,  the ice cold Coke right next to me (it’s my fav), the Bible that comforts and convicts me…so many things.

 

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I look forward to the day when I can see my Dad again…and I look forward to the day when I will see my Savior face to face and hear His voice say, “I love you!”  And I will hug Him tightly and say, “I LOVE YOU TOO!”

But I can say that now.  In fact, I feel like I should live the day responding to His loving care by saying, “Father, I love you too.”

I’m so thankful that my dad is now with his and my Heavenly Father…and tomorrow when I might be tempted to be sad, I’m going to choose to instead thank my Heavenly Father for loving me so well!

And for giving me a dad here on earth who loved me too.

Worth

/ Sue Birdseye / Leave a comment

Lemonade Sitting on Arm RestRecently I began a Bible study with my oldest daughter and a few of her friends. At our first meeting all I had were Bibles and notebooks for the girls, but no Bible study book or even a topic.
My prayer going into this study was that God would reveal what these girls most need to build their faith, to understand that they are daughters of the King, and what it means to have God as their Heavenly Father
After our breakfast of pancakes, we took our PJ clad selves to the sofa. I began by saying, “I’d like this study to be more than just about the length of your skirts and dealing with boys. I’d like to really grapple with Scripture together. I’d like to grow in our faith together. So what do y’all want to study?”
Their answers blessed me. They said they wanted to understand
• Trust because they struggle with it
• What it means to be a quiet and gentle spirit.
• Modesty – not clothing but how it relates to their hearts
• Respect for themselves and others
• Words and how we handle our mouths being a reflection of what is in our hearts.
• Value – They asked about measuring their value…weren’t they worth something?
YES!!!
Aren’t we all trying to determine our worth?
As I begin to ponder our value in God’s eyes, I’m astounded how loved we are. I know I shouldn’t be…really, because I know the God I serve and love, but I am nonetheless taken aback by His tremendous love for me.
Today I kept thinking about the fact that God knows my name. The Creator of the universe, the Maker of all things, knows my name by heart. It is written on the palm of His hand.
Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands… Isaiah 49:15-16
Not only does He know my name, He knows the number of hairs on my head…even as they collect on my shower floor.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-30
He knows everything…absolutely everything…about me and loves me still.
The amazing fact that Jesus was willing to die for me while I was still a lost sinner is enough to confirm to me I’m valuable. Worth enough to die for.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:6-8
The conversations I’ve had with these precious girls has revealed a deep need in their hearts for real answers…for the ability to ask deep questions and seek difficult but honest answers. Each girl comes from a different life experience and situation. Each girl is different in her personality, her approach, and her needs. I’m ready for that. God has softened my heart through adversity. I understand more what it means to suffer, what it means to doubt, and what it means to struggle. I also understand the beauty of peace in the midst of challenges, joy in the midst of suffering, and hope in the midst of heartbreak.
My prayer is that God will speak through me…that He will open their hearts to the healing and hope that only Christ can offer. I’m so flawed…my poor daughter knows that intimately…and such a mess. Yesterday was our third meeting and my youngest daughters were just plain awful. I ended up dealing with them upstairs while the teenage girls waited downstairs. I was in tears…mostly frustrated and sad that my hopes for the morning were quickly deteriorating into a mess. But as is always the case, God redeemed the time. They were gracious as I tried to pull things together.
Again, I was reminded that, no matter what, God has the situation under His control. It might look terribly chaotic and hopeless to me, but some way or another He always makes delicious lemonade out of my lemons. Maybe that will be what I offer for drinks next time…lemonade to remind me to share that God does indeed always make good out of the difficult.
I’m honored to be able to go on this journey with these girls. How blessed to know that the waters run deep in their hearts. That they desire deeper knowledge and deeper faith. I’m excited to dive deep into the Word and into their worlds. I pray God will speak through me. That these girls will understand that they are worth far more than any costly jewel, that they are precious, and the apple of their Father’s eye.
Wondrously show your steadfast love, O Savior of those who seek refuge from their adversaries at your right hand. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings… Psalm 17:7-8
And I’m thankful that as I seek out answers to their questions, God will be revealing Himself to me as my Husband and Father as well.

For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called. Isaiah 54:5