God’s Word

A Strengthening Struggle

/ Sue Birdseye / 6 Comments

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I’m in a season of blog starting. I start them and save them and kind of forget about them.  I think it is because I want so desperately to be encouraging and sometimes I’m just not.  Sometime I’m just an all out mess.

And my blogs can reflect that mess quite well.

And I have these voices in my head and outside of my head that keep telling me that I should be in a better place by now.  That maybe not sharing the struggle is best.

There are many, many good things in my life right now.  Many.  But there are also many, many challenges.

There just are.

Nothing unusual.  Nothing extraordinary.  Nothing crazy awful.

Really in the grand scheme of things my life is pretty good.

But daily I must grab my thoughts and say, “Thank you Lord for this day.  Thank you Lord for the tremendous blessings you graciously give just because You love me.  And I love You too!”

And that is what I want to focus on, but I’m struggling to find the words to share.

I shared about my concerns about health issues.  They are real.  And sometimes lately they have kept me up at night.  All the “what ifs” are terrifying to me.  But even without the “additional tests” thing, there are always “what ifs”…always.

I wish I could just let things go…place things in God’s hands and not worry.

I will say though that God has been so very, very kind to me this past week.  Two snow days, a half day of school and then two teacher workdays.  Blessed relief from some of the stress of work and the joy of getting things accomplished and planned and prepared for, both at work and at home.  That should provide a few more minutes of restful sleep.

That is a beautiful example of how God provides for me even in all my whirling dervish of anxiousness. He seems to understand my stuff…my constant battle with capturing anxious thoughts.  And when I say constant…I really mean it.

I have made a two part plan to peace.

  1. Pray for strength to take thoughts captive.
  2. Hide scripture in my heart so my life is a reflection of His grace, mercy, faithfulness, and forgiveness.

I feel like a broken record.  Pray! Pray! Pray!  And yet, I put my head on my pillow each night realizing I barely breathed a prayer to my Father.

I talked about Him, but not to Him.

I know prayer is the provider of peace I long for.  Why in the world do I not pray more?

When I was walking the beginning of this single parent path, that peace was so amazing…just really awe-inspiring.  There were days I didn’t understand how I could feel it so tangibly.  Please know that it wasn’t that I didn’t weep buckets at any given moment during any given day, but even during those very damp moments I knew His peace.

I have my sobby seconds now, but I’m trying not to fall into my pit of sorrow again.  I’m trying to move forward and see…really see the many, many blessings God continues to lavish on me.  And to thank Him daily.

Part two.  Hiding scripture in my heart…when I get God’s word in my head it seems to seep down into my heart.  And before I know it, my heart beats with the rhythm of His word.  My perspective changes and I can see beauty where before all I saw was burdens. My anxious thoughts are calmed and quieted as He reminds me that He is powerful, strong, and in control.  Things might feel like they are spinning hopelessly either in circles or out of control (or a little bit of both), but truly He has a plan in the midst of what feels like chaos.  His word whispers peace in my ear and stops the voices in my head.  Those words of fear and worry are drowned out by His words of hope and faith.

I have a lot to be thankful for…a lot to hope for (even if right now I’m just hoping for good news on Tuesday).

So maybe I’m not in such a bad place…maybe the struggle is strengthening me.

And maybe having some challenges doesn’t negate a good life…a good life always has some bit of difficulty.

The secret seems to be to find some wonderful in the worries, some awesome in the afflictions, some pleasant moments in the problems, some inspiration in the inconveniences, and just some plain ole blessings in the burdens.

Now I have to figure out how to open my eyes wide enough to see all the ways God is reaching in to my day with His love and peace.

Tomorrow is Monday.  Seems like a good day to start my plan!

No 3-2-1…Our Missing 3 Seconds

/ Sue Birdseye / 3 Comments

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For the past several years my kids and I have celebrated New Year’s Eve with snacks, sparkling cider, and movies.  We always have a great time hanging out together and New Year’s Eve is no different!

This past year (all of 3 days ago!) we rang in the New Year in the same way.  Although I was also busy baking cookies for a get together on New Year’s Day and we were dog sitting two large, rambunctious chocolate labs…so it was a little bit rowdier than usual.  🙂

My oldest son picked the movie, I popped the popcorn, and we all snuggled down for a good laugh.  It ended with 15 minutes til midnight.  We poured our sparkling cider…actually this year we did Italian soda…and prepared to countdown to 2014!

10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6 – 5 – 4…

And then our TV gave the message that the DVR was set to record two programs at once and which did we want to cancel.  We all gasped and two of my kids raced to fix it.

Unfortunately their fixes cancelled each other out and the TV switched to a totally different show.

By the time we were back to the right channel all we saw lots of strangers smooching!

Instantly there were sighs and groans and blaming…it was Zach’s fault for messing with the remote, it was Peter’s fault for jumping up and pressing buttons on the box, it was Emma’s fault for scheduling her show…thankfully I remained unscathed by the guilt-throwing!

This whole missing the last 3 numbers in the countdown was pretty funny.  I have to admit.  We laughed a lot about it.  The idea that we missed those 3 seconds…of all seconds to miss.  I mean we didn’t actually miss them because we lived through them, but we did miss the acknowledgement of them and it was certainly anti-climactic to not say, “Happy New Year!!!” at just the right time!

I’m trying to figure out what the lesson for the New Year is in this wacky start?  Maybe be ready for the unexpected?  Or don’t take things too seriously?  Or don’t schedule so much at one time?  Or be kind to one another?  Or blaming is banned?  Or don’t sweat the small stuff…like 3 seconds?  Or enjoy every second?

I guess I’d say, ENJOY EVERY SECOND…the ones you acknowledge and the ones you just live!

Be there…be where you are.

Be with your children…not worrying about them or how they are going to get through the day (or the next 3 seconds)…but trusting that God can handle these next 3 seconds and the next 3 million as well.

Be with yourself…that sounds a little wonky, but I mean that we take time to rest, to care for ourselves, to spend time with friends and family, and to do those things that bless us (like reading, running, sewing, writing, or playing an instrument…whatever you enjoy!)  That we take 3 minutes to be by ourselves.

Be with God…talking to Him, reading His word, and praising Him.  It’s easy at this place in our lives to spend more time wrestling with Him about everything, rather than trusting that He’s going to handle it all in His perfect way and perfect timing and with the perfect love He has for us.

So right now…I’m going to stop being with my computer and instead I’m going to go be with my kids!  It’s freezing cold outside and there is ice everywhere but they want to play in the snow and I best put on my mittens and join them! Brrrr…..

God bless you this New Year and may every second be filled with an awareness of how loved you are!