When I first began reading the Christmas story, I’d always start at Matthew 1:18, “This is how the birth of Jesus the Messiah came about”. A few years ago, I decided to read the genealogy of Jesus recorded in Matthew 1: 1-17, and I was beautifully reminded how gracious, merciful, and loving God is to us. How thoughtful and compassionate. How overwhelmingly sweet. How grateful I am that God stopped my skipping and put a spotlight on the people on that list.
I find kindred spirits in that genealogy…people who were weak, disobedient, and chose to turn their back on their faithful Father. God put broken people in the line of Christ so that we could understand that no matter our failings, God doesn’t kick us out of the family.
See, I have voices that wander around in my brain that tell me I’m not enough, I’m a failure, I’m weak, I’m a mess, I’m unworthy, I’m not lovable. I’m not capable, wise, or discerning. I’m only worthy of scraps from the table rather than sitting at the banquet.
These are definitely not from my Father. These are thoughts to take captive. Bind up and toss away. They are awful untruths that do not define me. They only fill me with fear and give me a hopeless perspective that no child of the King should have.
Throughout the years, I’ve made lists and even written about who we are in Christ…who I am and Whose I am. I think I could jot down a fair number off the top of my head. Sometimes I wonder if I just think that those descriptors are only true of the Believers who live lives that are not fraught with missteps and mistakes. But then I look at the lineage of Jesus, full of sinners and scoundrels – just ordinary people like us – and I am reminded that God finds us all valuable and worthy, that God’s love is not just for the successful, seemingly sinless people. He loved us so much that He gave Jesus a record of ancestors that we can all relate to pretty perfectly because they are imperfect just like us.
Here are just a few to consider….
Judah was Joseph’s brother. Joseph had a story of tragedy and redemption that is awe-inspiring, but his brother Judah is in the line of the Redeemer. Judah, who sold his brother into slavery, allowed his father to believe his beloved son Joseph was dead, and slept with a prostitute who turned out to be his widowed daughter-in-law (yuck) (Genesis 37-38).
Her name is not listed in Matthew, but Judah’s mom was Leah, the one less beautiful than her sister Rachel, the one whose husband was tricked into marrying her, the one whose husband preferred her sister more, the one who knew loneliness and hurt (Genesis 29).
Rahab was a prostitute in the city of Jericho. She hid the Israelite spies, helped them escape, and saved her entire family by trusting in the Lord (Joshua 2-6). Her son, Boaz, married Ruth, a widowed Moabite who had followed her Israelite mother-in-law, Naomi, back to Israel. Moabites were pagans who did not worship God, but Ruth did. Her son was King David’s great-grandfather, Obed.
David was a “man after God’s own heart” and a hot mess. An adulterer, murderer, and father who did not protect or defend his daughter, Tamar, when her half-brother Amnon raped her. His children struggled and his family fell apart because although he loved the Lord, he did not always follow Him well.
King David’s son, Solomon, was the product of his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba. Although she is referred to as Uriah’s wife in Jesus’ lineage, not David’s wife. Uriah deserves to be mentioned – he had been one of David’s Mighty Men whose loyalty to both David and his men was admirable. David committed adultery with Uriah’s wife, had him killed, and then took his wife as his own. Solomon struggled with lust and the number of women in his life was astonishing!
And, maybe the most poignant for me, are all the people I don’t know anything about…all the “nobodies” who are somebody because God loved them fiercely, completely, and put them in the lineage of Jesus. We are those somebodies because God chose us. All our hang-ups and hurts, all our bruises and brokenness, all our insufficiencies and insecurities, all our off-base thinking and off-hand comments, all our actions, and reactions made in haste without thought, all our trips into temptations and swings into sin…none of those keep God from loving us, using us, and making us His own.
If we could only grasp the depth of God’s love for us. If we could only understand how deeply, passionately, and completely we are loved. God’s love is never unfaithful, never hurtful, never condemning, never wrong. He doesn’t love us in spite of who we are…He loves us as we are…His precious children. His dear ones. The apples of His eye. Chosen by Him for Him. He sacrificed Himself to take on the penalty of our sin. Thank you, Lord! But, He also was born and lived and died for us because He wants us to be His…to know His love, His presence, His peace, His hope, His joy. He wants us to know Him and by knowing Him, love Him.
And now, we are His children! In His family just like all those amazingly imperfect people in that geneology of Jesus.
What wondrous love is this!
He doesn’t love us in spite of who we are…He loves us as we are…His precious children. His dear ones. The apples of His eye. Chosen by Him for Him.
I few years ago I had the privilege of leading a women’s retreat for a church I used to attend. The title was “In Spite of Me.” (I cannot take the credit for the title because my friend Phoebe came up with it.) I loved it. I still do, because my salvation is totally in spite of me.
Actually so many good things happen in spite of me…probably some bad things too.
In spite of me…God loves me.
In spite of me…God is faithful to me.
In spite of me…God is kind to me.
In spite of me…God provides for me.
In spite of me…God blesses me.
I find myself thinking the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, speaking the wrong thing, and feeling the wrong thing A LOT. It is so easy to be wrong.
I can’t seem to get myself to be the woman I want to be…
Thankfully, God can.
I’m in awe of grace…overwhelmed.
“The gospel of justifying faith means that while Christians are, in themselves still sinful and sinning, yet in Christ, in God’s sight, they are accepted and righteous. So we can say that we are more wicked than we ever dared believe, but more loved and accepted in Christ than we ever dared hope — at the very same time. This creates a radical new dynamic for personal growth. It means that the more you see your own flaws and sins, the more precious, electrifying, and amazing God’s grace appears to you. But on the other hand, the more aware you are of God’s grace and acceptance in Christ, the more able you are to drop your denials and self-defenses and admit the true dimensions and character of your sin.” Timothy Keller
Recently I heard someone tell my children if they weren’t good they weren’t going to go to heaven. In fact, this person told my children they need to be perfect.
I don’t believe I’ve ever had such an emotional reaction to something someone said. I was shaking and wanted to scream, “NOOOO!!! Please don’t put that burden on my children!”
It has taken me what feels like forever to get grace…and, even now, I know there are many things I can’t even begin to grasp about grace.
But please don’t take grace from my family!
We need it so desperately. In fact, so does the person that discounted the power of God’s grace and spoke such wrong words to my children.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
Please don’t’ misunderstand…I want well-behaved children (desperately). I want my children to be obedient, respectful, and kind because that is what honors God and me. BUT, I also know that their behavior is not the determining factor in their salvation.
It certainly is easy to think that…if we are Christians shouldn’t we do the right thing, say the right thing, think the right thing, and feel the right thing?
I wish. I wish I didn’t struggle so much with being good.
I disappoint myself often. It is difficult to believe God doesn’t view me as a huge disappointment as well. But He doesn’t.
I don’t know how deeply I believe that even though I know it to be true. How could He not get tired of my failures? I don’t understand.
I love my children more than I could ever convey…in fact, I cannot think of an adequate adjective to describe my love for them. And boy do I get frustrated, annoyed, and angry with them…fairly regularly to be honest.
BUT God, is not at all like me (Alleluia!)
He is infinitely patient, unconditionally loving, relentlessly faithful, and forever forgiving.
He is my Advocate.
My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 1 John 2:1
He is the Author of my Faith
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right had of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2
He is my Mediator.
For there is one God and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony given at the proper time. 1 Timothy 2:5-6
He is merciful.
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger andabounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. Psalm 103:8-13
He is the Shepherd and Overseer of my soul.
He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. 1 Peter 2:24-25
I could spend the rest of this snow day (yes, another snow day) looking up scripture about who God is and who He is to me…it is so encouraging.
What a blessed reminder of the God we serve and the grace He gives. I’m blessed beyond measure.
In spite of me…in spite of me and all my sinfulness and goofiness…God loves me! He forgive me again and again and again….
I just started to write “God is the BEST!” and I thought it sounded kinda silly, but you know what? It’s true. He absolutely is the Best.
Done with disrespect and disobedience and difficulties.
Done with trying to reason with teenagers.
Done with trying to reign in kindergarteners.
Done with trying to make decisions.
Done with trying to get organized.
Done with cleaning up the mess my ex-husband has made.
Done with trying to understand how to parent all these children alone.
Done with trying to figure out how to do this life with any sense of grace, composure, or patience.
Done.
There are so many things to think about and do…I’m tired. I just wish I could take a timeout and have a replacement come in for a bit of this game. Being a single parent is hard.
I had to confront a child today on cell phone usage and school issues. Golly, you would have thought that cell phone was her only source of oxygen.
I wanted to work with her and help her develop a plan to exercise responsible use of her phone and her schoolwork. Instead I was met with all those stereotypical teenage responses. Those responses which make my head close to exploding.
Until about 4 months ago, my daughter was not stereotypical…and then boys entered the picture, and cheerleading, and that blasted cell phone.
I hate technology.
I want my children to be able to contact me while they are with their dad, but…ugh…I hate cell phones.
Unfortunately it has become, to some of my children, a right not a privilege. And what a colossal waste of time this “right” offers!
She is avoiding responsibilities and school work. My sweet, sweet daughter has become a very entitled, insecure young woman. She does not believe she is smart and therefore has no vision for what her life can become. At 15 that is a bit disconcerting. I know that her self-esteem and image issues have a lot to do with our family’s situation, but it doesn’t help me know how to deal with them.
I have had the most wonderful relationship with her for so long I’m floored by this new turn of events. I know my dear daughter is in there somewhere…Lord, please help me reach her.
I do know that some of her behavior is ordinary teenage angst, but I want my daughter to be extraordinary. I believe she is.
Everything I say to build her up she calls a “mom lie.” She says it’s like a mom telling her daughter she’s pretty even when she isn’t. Ugh. That so isn’t true. My daughter is smart, talented, and beautiful inside and out. She just doesn’t see it or feel it.
I’m broken-hearted for my darling daughter. I cannot be her father as much as I try to…I’m a miserable failure at it. I cannot give to her what her dad was designed to provide.
But even as I write in my despairing state, God has laid it on my heart that He is the perfect Father for my daughter. Oh that she knew that to her core. She does not. Her faith is wobbly at best and I’m afraid I’ve failed miserably there as well. I felt certain my children would be firm in their faith because of God’s faithfulness throughout our challenges…unfortunately, I think some of my children still only see the challenges.
I’ve not pointed out His care and provision often enough. I’ve been praising Him to everyone but my children. Father, forgive me and may your grace pour over my children and all my parenting mistakes.
A friend reminded me the other day how important prayer is…how it’s vital that we pray with our children and allow them the privilege of seeing God answer. I’m sitting her realizing that although at this point my daughter and I have made up, we have not prayed together. How is that even possible that I didn’t pray with her?
I think I best stop typing and go pray with my daughter…to show her that my strength and hers is from the Lord…that He cares about all these big and little issues…and He will answer. And I think I’ll also remind her of who she is in Christ…beloved, precious, God’s workmanship, more than a conqueror, able to do all things in Christ, forgiven and saved. She cannot say that is a “mom lie.” God said it!
Before I go, thank you so very much for listening…for allowing me to process my thoughts through my fingers, and come, as always, back to my Faithful Father and His love for me and my dear children.
uptomytoes 