I wrote this blog last week and hadn’t posted it yet because I can’t seem to catch up with school, work, and house…well pretty much anything. I was sharing with a friend some of things that I’ve been thinking about and writing about lately. This dear friend challenged me to share a happy post I’d… Continue reading Grief Upon Grief Upon Grace Upon Grace
I’ve been trying to figure out a good way to start this post. I just can’t think of one. So I guess I’ll just share stuff with you and hope that God uses my fuzzy thinking to bless! He’s good that way.
Yesterday my Dad went to be with the Lord. I was blessed to spend his last hours with him and my Mom. It was more difficult than I can adequately express in mere words. I wanted nothing more than to comfort my father as he struggled and yet I was terrified to watch him die. I wanted to be there for my Mom, but I didn’t really know what to do. I felt lost in wanting to be both caregiver and cared for. But in the midst of it all, God was so clearly there. I felt His presence…His assurance in my confusion and fear. I felt His peace even as I struggled to maintain composure…which I did not do well at all in the end.
Today I opened up my email to see that a post I had written for MomLifeToday was up. I’ve attached it because this one probably isn’t gonna be so great and maybe that one will bless more 🙂 I often have to reread what I write because I can’t remember it well…honestly, I can’t remember much well at this point…my family has been laughing at me for the past couple of days because I’m such a goof. Anyway, I digress. I reread what I had written in my post “No Pretty Little Bow” and God so sweetly reminded me through my own words that He can be trusted.
See there are a lot of things I wish I could have done differently this past week. There are a lot of things I don’t understand. And sometimes I can be a self-beater-upper. But if I truly believe that I can trust God with everything, why do I have to play Monday morning quarterback with everything? I can second-guess with the best of them…my friend says I need to stop “shoulding” all over myself…ain’t that the truth.
Today I’m reminding myself that God can be trusted. God does love me. There is nothing more I can do because He has done it all. I need only rest in the knowledge that my life is in His hands…my father’s life was in His hands…my children’s lives are in His hands.
He will guide my footsteps. Sometimes we will go places I’d rather not, but if I keep my focus on Him it’ll all turn out just fine in the end. It has to…that’s His plan and His plan is always perfect.
“Everything is going on around me as if nothing is happening…as if my world is not crashing…exploding…imploding…” I remember thinking those words when my marriage began its shattering. Nobody knew. And life continued. I recall standing up before a class of 5th and 6th graders teaching them grammar and thinking, “How do I do this?… Continue reading Is Life Ever Gonna Be Normal?
“Momma, I don’t want grandpa to die, but I know he will feel so much better in heaven.” My sweet 12 year old son uttered those words as we sat in an Urgent Care waiting to see the doctor for the two of us, and while my father lay in a hospital bed waiting for… Continue reading hospice, hope and healing