I have had a lot of time to sit these past few days.  I’ve been in ERs and ICUs for three days and although my tushy is tired, my heart is being moved continually by the time I’ ve had to ponder His word and to consider my life, my family, my hopes, my struggles, my decisions, and my circumstances.

I can’t say that I have answers yet…still waiting for some leading…but I’ve been convinced that although I write and speak often of prayer, I’ve not prayed often.  I’ve not approached the throne of grace with confidence.  I’ve not approached the throne of grace much at all.

I’ve glanced at it.

I’ve thought about it.

I’ve even studied it.

But I haven’t approached it.

And today, God has reminded me again and again that there is something for me at that throne…there is Someone for me at that throne.

Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.  Hebrews 7:25

Why I continue to wrestle with things when I have a Savior who already wrestled everything down to the ground baffles me.

Why do I choose torment over trust?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

I’ve been reminded repeatedly today that I can bring everything to God.

The God who cares to number the hairs on my head surely cares about all the other little things in my life.

And even the very hairs on your head are numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:30-31

I haven’t modeled much praying for my children.  I think the only time they see me on my knees is when I’m sorting laundry in my daughters’ room.

There have been so many opportunities for prayer…so many…and I’ve been too tired or busy to take advantage of them.

I’ve been so busy not handling things well that I’ve forgotten to whom I can hand everything.

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7

Today I have taken the time to pray.  In fact, I have prayed a lot.

My heart is still a bit heavy, but God is working.  I have a great anticipation of what He can do with my life and the lives of my children.  I have great hope for what awaits us!

I haven’t had this hope and expectancy in a long time.  In fact, I think I’ve been just plain worried and anxious about things.  And I’ve had the sense that nothing good will happen, difficult things won’t change, and life will remain what it is for a very long time…how different from the way God wants me to view my life.

I have settled in on fear and worry instead of settling down at the mercy seat.

I wonder sometimes if I have some things I need to take care of before I can move forward…before change will happen.

Not that I’m limiting God…because God is able to do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine…He doesn’t NEED me to do anything before He works, but maybe He wants me to…maybe He wants me to recognize some things, learn some things, or let go of some things.

I have a hard time letting go.  I hold tightly to things, especially things I love.  God has asked me to give up a lot of things I’d prefer to keep.  That Frozen song “Let It Go” has become my theme song.  (Now you have that song running through your head…you’re welcome!)

I’m really looking forward to the day when God says, “Hold on, Sweetheart!  This is for you!”

Maybe it will be sooner rather than later.  Maybe He is simply going to ask me to hold on to Him.

Hold on to Him.

He is enough.  He is more than enough.

I know that, but I’m afraid of saying it.  Ashamed to admit it.  Scared He will want me to prove it. But I know that isn’t how my Father works.  He doesn’t wait for me to pray some prayer that enable Him to womp me with a lesson.  I hate that I fear that sometimes.

My God loves to be kind to me…loves to make me smile…loves to see me laugh…loves to bless me.

I know that and I want to pray for that perspective more than my gloomy gal perspective.

Like William Carey says, “Expect great things from God!”

I’m ready to do that!  I’m ready to see God work.  I’m ready to take a step of faith, pray a big prayer, and watch God do something amazing!