About three months ago I began a program to get my teaching license and eventually my Masters in Education. At the time it seemed like a really good thing…even though I don’t have the money to pay for the program nor is the time to do it clearly evident. In fact when I was interviewing with… Continue reading When You’ve Got Nothing Left to Give…and need some help and some hope
What’s Your Choice?
This past weekend my youngest daughters started playing basketball with a local Christian program. It’s such fun to see them playing. They’ve never played before and at times it looked like a cross between football, soccer, rugby, and wrestling. I was laughing a lot. But another feeling crept in as I sat in that gymnasium. I… Continue reading What’s Your Choice?
No 3-2-1…Our Missing 3 Seconds
For the past several years my kids and I have celebrated New Year’s Eve with snacks, sparkling cider, and movies. We always have a great time hanging out together and New Year’s Eve is no different! This past year (all of 3 days ago!) we rang in the New Year in the same way. Although… Continue reading No 3-2-1…Our Missing 3 Seconds
Do You Transition Well?
It’s been five years and still I struggle with transitions. I would have thought by now there’d be no problem whatsoever when my ex-husband picked up our children. And yet…there is There is no conflict between him and me…no issues of arguing or glaring or anything…it’s just the transition. It’s not like I even think… Continue reading Do You Transition Well?
Anybody Got The Trust Thing Down?
“You’re not my mom, Mom.” When my 6 year old said this we all chuckled a bit that while referring to me as Mom she declared me “not mom.” Lately my sweet daughter has discovered that she can wield a pretty hefty weapon against me. Unfortunately, I still haven’t figure out the proper defense. My… Continue reading Anybody Got The Trust Thing Down?
One of those words that doesn’t bring a lot of joy. Who wants to be broken?
I assume we are all on the same page and don’t want that word to describe much if anything in our lives. In fact, the only phrase with broken in it that I can think of ever wanting to use is “broken fever”.
For a while I’ve tried to figure out a different word to describe my family other than broken. Initially I thought it was just too negative. I started trying out different descriptive words. Wounded. Bruised. Hurting. Anything but broken.
I wanted to stand up and holler, “WE ARE NOT BROKEN!!!!”
But you know what? I believe we are. And I’m realizing that that’s okay.
We are broken but healing. God, the Great Physician, is fixing up all the broken parts.
A couple of things have brought me to this conclusion.
The first was reading this verse:
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 2 Corinthians 4:7-10
After reading that verse I looked up the meaning of “jars of clay.” One of the definitions said that the jars of clay would have brought to mind a common household jar – probably inexpensive and fairly easy to break. It would probably have cracks and chips from being well-used.
There is so much to get from this verse, but the idea that struck me was that the brokenness of the jar of clay allows what’s inside to be seen – to flow out.
The brokenness of our lives allows God to shine through us. Oh my goodness, that sounds like some really syrupy sweet quote to post on Facebook. Unfortunately for all of us I can’t think of a better way to say it.
I just know that when everything in my world went cablooey, God was the only explanation for why I didn’t personally go cablooey. It was abundantly clear that the strength I had to move forward came from God and God alone – “the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.”
One of my first fears following the shattering of my marriage was that my testimony was toast. I kept thinking of all the people that would think we were just absolute frauds. I felt like a fraud. Or maybe I should say I felt like I’d been defrauded. Everyone, including me, thought we had a great marriage. How could I speak about my relationship with God, if everyone thought I hadn’t been honest about my relationship with my husband?
But God showed me that my testimony wasn’t about what I could or couldn’t do…my testimony is what God has done and is still doing in my life.
And He worked mightily in those days following the shattering. He loved me and my children through our church, our homeschool community, our neighbors, and even the city where my husband had worked. He provided for us in amazing ways. He gave us peace and even joy in the midst of our pain and breaking. It was HIM, all Him.
Just as light shows through or water pours out of cracks in a broken pot, Jesus shows through our brokenness.
He showed through broken vows when He gave me the strength, peace, and perspective to fight for my marriage in the face of my husband’s betrayal. Believe me it wasn’t me.
He showed through the broken relationships caused by my husband’s actions when He gave our friends wisdom, kindness, compassion, and grace to pursue my husband and love him despite his response.
He showed through our broken home by strengthening the bond my children and I have, strengthening our faith, and gracing us with love and joy.
He showed through my broken heart when I was able to comfort with the comfort I’d been given (2 Corinthians 1:4).
I could probably think of a million more ways that God has shown through the brokenness of my life. I’ve seen it in others too. My friends who have or who are battling illness…the grace they have while suffering greatly. The way my suffering friends reach out to others in their grief and pain. The compassion I see in my children because they understand what it means to be loved by others while going through difficulties. The love I see in those who have had their hearts broken, but are still willing to open up to love again.
So I’m thinking that maybe being broken isn’t such a bad thing.
Especially if God is allowing the breaking…which I believe He does. If God allows it He is going to use it. If God allows it He is going to bring good out of it. If God allows it He is going to bring us through it. If God allows it He is going to be glorified! All those things are good…very good.
I really am okay being referred to as broken. I’m not a broken woman…I’m a woman broken by the Lord so that I can be healed. And I believe that I’m much better as a healed woman than I ever was before the breaking.
I have a long way to go and there is a lot of brokenness that needs to be healed.
I’m realizing this is a big topic. One that I’m going to have to ponder more. Because it’s one thing for me to be broken and to watch God work with me towards healing. It is another thing all together to watch how the breaking of so much in our lives has affected my children. That has been very very difficult for me. I’m definitely going to have to pray about that before I share my thoughts.
I believe it’s going to be me again recognizing that I have to entrust my children to God. I have to believe that He is working good for them in all of this too.
A lot to pray and ponder to be sure.
Thank you so much for being willing to walk this path with me. For being interested in my thoughts.
I pray that they have encouraged you that no matter what way we describe our families…whole, broken, wounded, healing, etc…God has us and it is good.
Someone shared with me recently that if a fire fighter trips and hurts himself while trying to save you from your burning house, you can be sued…for a lot of money. I’m not sure why my friend shared that with me…well, maybe it was a subtle encouragement regarding the clutter in my home. Golly, I… Continue reading Blissfully Aware
I’ve been trying to figure out a good way to start this post. I just can’t think of one. So I guess I’ll just share stuff with you and hope that God uses my fuzzy thinking to bless! He’s good that way.
Yesterday my Dad went to be with the Lord. I was blessed to spend his last hours with him and my Mom. It was more difficult than I can adequately express in mere words. I wanted nothing more than to comfort my father as he struggled and yet I was terrified to watch him die. I wanted to be there for my Mom, but I didn’t really know what to do. I felt lost in wanting to be both caregiver and cared for. But in the midst of it all, God was so clearly there. I felt His presence…His assurance in my confusion and fear. I felt His peace even as I struggled to maintain composure…which I did not do well at all in the end.
Today I opened up my email to see that a post I had written for MomLifeToday was up. I’ve attached it because this one probably isn’t gonna be so great and maybe that one will bless more 🙂 I often have to reread what I write because I can’t remember it well…honestly, I can’t remember much well at this point…my family has been laughing at me for the past couple of days because I’m such a goof. Anyway, I digress. I reread what I had written in my post “No Pretty Little Bow” and God so sweetly reminded me through my own words that He can be trusted.
See there are a lot of things I wish I could have done differently this past week. There are a lot of things I don’t understand. And sometimes I can be a self-beater-upper. But if I truly believe that I can trust God with everything, why do I have to play Monday morning quarterback with everything? I can second-guess with the best of them…my friend says I need to stop “shoulding” all over myself…ain’t that the truth.
Today I’m reminding myself that God can be trusted. God does love me. There is nothing more I can do because He has done it all. I need only rest in the knowledge that my life is in His hands…my father’s life was in His hands…my children’s lives are in His hands.
He will guide my footsteps. Sometimes we will go places I’d rather not, but if I keep my focus on Him it’ll all turn out just fine in the end. It has to…that’s His plan and His plan is always perfect.
Affluenza Vaccinations Needed
The other day I posted this blog to Fredericksburg Parent Magazine. It’s a constant struggle to teach my children about what’s truly valuable in life!
Hope you enjoy!
Thank you so much for all YOUR prayers! I’ve been blessed by all your sweet encouraging words and prayers as my family deals with my Dad’s failing health! God has been so very gracious and kind to us all! It’s very difficult but His faithfulness abounds!
Thank you again!
I hope you enjoy this post for MomLifeToday. 🙂
In His Care,