I tend to be a “nervous Nelly”…a second guesser…a wring-my-hands in worry woman…a twisted up in knots decision-maker…
That probably isn’t a surprise if you’ve read my blogs.
I’m currently doing a Bible study about discerning God’s will. It has been great. Nothing earth-shattering, but still convicting as I seek His will on other decisions.
And, God has done something miraculous in my heart. My ever kind Father.
I was talking with one of my dearest friends on the way to Bible study last week and I shared how I felt that maybe I wasn’t supposed to feel such a burden to figure things out or worry about things. (Well, I know i’m not supposed to worry about things, but sometimes it happens….LOL.)
I felt a strong prompting to just live the day before me. Just wake up ready to obey, honor, and love God. Just wake up ready to do the tasks He puts before me today.
It hasn’t revolutionized the amount I get done (sure wish it would increase it), nor has it meant answers to decisions that I still need to make, but it has given me a sense of peace and even a sense of purpose as I seek to follow my Savior.
I wish I could say that each day I have woken up and obeyed from start to finish…honored through joy and difficulty….yeah, unfortunately not so much. I am undeniably just way too human.
My dreaded to-do list is ridiculously long and complicated. And my days are packed with errands and activities. Today hasn’t ended and I’ve already driven over 60 miles! That’s nuts!
I had planned to check off all the phone calls I need to make. Alas, I have not been able to, but I am sitting blissfully at one of my favorite places…the library. Surrounded by stacks of books because my daughters have the same love of books that I do. I’m not sure who has the largest stack. I’ve been considering in what miraculous way we are going to get all the books to the car!
Although I can’t make phone calls, I can write. Something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
I’ve never had writer’s block, but I’ve felt writer’s hesitancy (my own special condition). I have felt wary to share good things and hesitant to share difficulties. I’ve received some interesting comments about my need to be more positive about things, as well as some about how blessed someone is because I share my challenges.
I think God has me in a place of trying to discern what my voice will be at this point in my life. In this season…am I ready to mix things up a bit. To flip my very challenging life on its ear? Am I up for sharing things from a more positive point of view…and what in the world does that look like? Will it be a blessing to others? Will it offend?
My prayer is that others will be encouraged that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t think I’m completely out of my tunnel yet, and I’m sure there will be other tunnels, but I think the key to walking this sometimes dark path is hope.
And hope is what I have.
As I face each day, just this day, I have hope that God will meet me in it. He will walk with me. Stay beside me.
If this journey has taught me anything, anything at all, it is that God never leaves me nor forsakes me. Even when I leave and forsake Him. He is continually faithful and loving, even when I am faithless and unloving to Him. He is infinitely grace-filled, even when I seem to be unendingly sin-filled.
Throughtout these 6 years I have struggled in many, many ways. I have sinned in many, many ways as well. I’d prefer not to share them with you, to be honest. I pray God never requires that of me. Just suffice it to say, I’m a big, fat sinner.
BUT God (oh how I love that phrase). But GOD! He loves me like no other. He forgives me so many times…so many times for the same blasted things.
And that love and grace and mercy and faithfulness repeatedly is the story of my life…the story in my storm.
So today (and tomorrow, and the next day)….I might get overwhelmed realizing how much there is to do and the dwindling days of summer that remain…BUT GOD…God has called me to live today. Live today well.
I cannot live today well, if I’m twisted in knots about tomorrow. I cannot live today for His glory if I’m focused on my not messing up the future. I cannot love Him well, if I don’t trust Him enough to rest in what He has placed before me today.
Today…this day is almost over, but it has been a good day. Tomorrow, I hope to be even better. I could worry about it, BUT GOD…I’m choosing to trust.