Prayer

Following the Conductor

/ Sue Birdseye / 5 Comments
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There is a rhythm to life now. Although I’m still a tad awkward, I think I’m getting the hang of it. My life like a musical score with all its high notes and low notes and harmonies and minor clashes and key changes…it’s beautiful in its unpredictability and challenging in its complexity. Still, it is a masterpiece of God’s design, even with the many movements which don’t seem to get easier but flow with a different rhythm and more complicated harmonies.

Things go better when I allow God to sing the lead…it’s difficult not to jump in when it seems like the harmony isn’t exactly what I wanted to do, and the lead seems like a much easier line to take.

It never is though. God makes it sound…. look…. easy. Surely, I can handle this… how hard can it be?

Hard.

It can be hard.

Or, how about…I can let God lead. Oh my, how many times have I heard someone say, “Let God lead you. Follow Him”? Well, let’s just say a lot. And how often in the past ever so many years or maybe the whole measure of my days, have I tried to lead only to stumble and fall when the music takes a turn from the expected…when measure after measure changes into something unrecognizable…I thought for sure I knew where the music was going when the resolution would come, when the key would change to one with fewer sharps and flats.

I was wrong.

Golly, I get tired of being wrong.

I know one thing I’m right about…God is better at leading than I am. He knows where the music is going…there is no warble, no wobble, no missed words, no wonky notes, no flats and sharps where there shouldn’t be…He wrote it after all. He should know it well.

When will I ever be satisfied just following His lead? Letting Him pick the next measure of my life. Allowing Him to conduct while I follow.

All the life music, all about Him, all written by Him, all sung beautifully by Him…that’s what I mean.

Do you know what I mean?

Lately, well, for quite a while, I’ve been trying to be more than just a voice in His music. I’ve wanted to be the soloist, conduct the orchestra, lead the choir, and sometimes even write the music as we go.

The result?

Cacophony might be the best word for it.

Or maybe caterwauling.

It’s a racket, that’s for sure, and not something I recommend adding to any playlist.

I must admit that I’m surrendering to God for the first time in a long time. I am letting Him take control of the melody, harmony, music, orchestration, and choir. He can have it all!

All of it.

In a sense, I’m giving up. The whole shebang. Not in a bad way. I’m not walking away. I’m not giving up any responsibility…just the idea that I can control things and make life better just by sheer effort. Maybe I’ve been putting in a bit more effort apart from God than I thought.

It sure is easy to start singing my own tune without His music in front of me. Skipping measures, avoiding repeats, ignoring diminuendos and decrescendos, moving from one song to the next willy-nilly as I please. God implores me to look at Him to lead me and conduct my life. It could be a masterpiece if I would keep my eyes on Him.

A few years back, I sang a solo in our city’s choral guild performance of “The Messiah.” It was a huge honor, and I was terrified. During the performance, I locked eyes with the conductor and followed her lead without hesitation. I trusted that she cared as much about my performance as I did. She knew the score even better than I did. She knew every instrument that needed to play and when. She knew everything about the musical score that required a response from the musicians and me. And she knew how to do her job to lead us through the music to create a beautiful experience.

I need to lock eyes with God, the conductor of my life. He wrote the score and knows it intimately. There is not a measure He has not prepared me for, not a note He is surprised by, not a pause in the music He doesn’t fill with Himself.

My life’s score has all the notations that I need. Rests when I need to be quiet and refreshed. Crescendos when I need to stand up and be brave. He changes the tempo of my life to match what He knows will bring me closer to Him.

I’m standing expectantly, straightening my back, taking a deep breath, and fixing my eyes on Jesus.

I’m ready to sing the song He has written for me.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” Psalm 100

Prayer Is…

/ Sue Birdseye / Leave a comment

Prayer has been both my first response and my last resort. 

It has been the thread of sanity through difficult seasons. 

The words that put me back to sleep during a restless night. 

Prayer is the ending of long days

The blessing offered with my children at night. 

The quiet of the morning and the pleas in the middle of the day. 

The silence of trust in all the noise

The breath between sobs and the sighs in laughter. 

Prayer is comfort and confrontation.  

thanksgiving and whys. 

lonely and together. 

worship and worry. 

Prayer is my refuge and my release.

  my lifeline and my lovelife.

my quiet place in a storm.

There is no place prayer can’t be heard…no place prayer isn’t needed.

In my life, there is no place prayer is unwelcome or unwarranted. 

Prayer is my perspective changing. 

My hope revealing

My joy increasing.  

My smile brightening

My failure diminishing

My success beginning

Prayer is my seeking and my finding.

Prayer is my cry for mercy and my eyes opening to goodness.

Prayer is my power play.

Prayer is relief, rest, and release.

My hope for healing and help

Prayer is my holding tight and my letting go

Prayer is being heard

Prayer is provision

Prayer is protection

Prayer is grace

Prayer is faith

Prayer is love

Hopefully

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Advent – Hope

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

How simply beautiful is the phrase “God of hope”. The God who breathes life, speaks creation, and loves unceasingly, intensely, completely, faithfully, and without hesitation is our hope…the Source and the Giver.

I wonder if I even truly grasp the depth of hope’s meaning. I live like hope is just for better days, easier living, peaceful sleep, less stress, and true happiness.

I’m pretty confident that hope is a lot more than simply my circumstances being better or getting better or just ceasing to be difficult. I believe it’s a perspective, a focus on Him, an expectation that Jesus will fill me with all that I need. 

To be filled with joy and peace sounds heavenly, but in order for that to happen I must trust in Him.  

Deep, abiding trust doesn’t come easy for me…at least not anymore. Life has messed with me a bit on that front. But again, my focus seems to be more on my circumstances than on Jesus. Circumstances are sometimes deceivers.

Regardless of what I feel or experience, I need to trust in Him. Lean on Him. Let Him handle it all. Let go of my life and let Him have it. When I say, “I need to trust Him” it’s like me saying “I need to breathe.” It is imperative to my life…to living. It isn’t just some activity or practice that will show my devotion to God or my tremendously awesome Christian walk, it is what I need to live and love and be blessed.

I want to trust God radically. 

I typed radically and thought, “Hmmm…is that the right word?” It didn’t seem to be until I looked up the definition. By radically, I mean “in a thorough or fundamental way; completely”. 

I want to be like Mary who said yes to God even when faced with a daunting call that could have led to the end of her hope to be a wife, estrangement from her family, and even her death. This young girl didn’t shy away from the life God gave her, she answered simply, “I am the Lord’s servant. May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1:38 NIV).

Carrying a baby out of wedlock in that time period should have assured her that she would lose her betrothal to Joseph, her parents would most likely disown her, she would be ostracized by her town, and very likely killed for committing adultery. That is what Mary said yes to…all those potential outcomes. And yet, she trusted God when it seemed like a crazy, dangerous, and scary thing to ask of her.

She didn’t ask for time to think about it. She didn’t run to seek counsel. She didn’t recognize the potential difficulties and ask for things to be a little bit different. She went full board into the fray and accepted God’s calling for her. 

I like to think of myself as a problem-solver…or a potential problem-solver. I have ideas and plans. I desperately want to make things better, easier, and happier. Very rarely, if ever, do I truly solve anything. I wish I would learn to release my grip on things and hand it over to the Lord. Trust Him enough to let go. This morning I had the epiphany that I can talk with God about trust. 

“Lord, what do you want me to do today to show that I trust you? What step can I take today to strengthen my walk of trusting You rather than myself?” 

That verse says that the result of trusting Him is joy and peace and hope. If I do that life will no longer be my doing, my failing, my frustrations, or my plans…it will be trusting God and resting in the knowledge that He can handle it and definitely is a better problem-solver than me.

There will be joy if I can get it through my thick skull that God only ever and always does the very best thing, makes the very best plans, leads on the very best paths, opens the very best doors, and brings the very best into my life. If my perspective could change to be more like Mary’s…” I have heard what you have said. I want it to happen to me just like that” (EEB) there will be joy in my life

Releasing my grip on my life…all of it…even the things I think and feel and want and hope for…and letting God take it. And keep it. Do what He will with it…that is trust. 

Woman, just trust, please!

I want to overflow with hope – not just have it, but have it spill out of me. Imagine what a blessing to those around me…particularly my children. 

The Holy Spirit will enable my willing heart to overflow with hope and my life to be filled with joy and peace. 

He will give me hope because He has given me Himself and He is my hope. 

In my head, I have absolutely no doubt that God is completely trustworthy. But sometimes I live like He isn’t. I have this ridiculous continuous habit of attempting to handle it all, take care of things, make things better, and, maybe, also believing if I don’t do it then no one else will, including God. 

And just look where that has gotten me… stressed out, confused, frustrated, emotional, and a little hopeless at times.

Letting God take control of things, listening to Him, seeking His divine intervention rather than my disastrous attempts to fix things, and believing that no matter what I can follow Him and trust that He is able and willing and loving and kind.

Like Mary, I want to humbly release control of my future to God and trust His calling no matter the path it takes.

When Ordinary is Not Enough

/ Sue Birdseye / 1 Comment

I’m determined to begin this new year with a renewed sense of the need for and the power of prayer in my life. 

I can tend to pray with the primary purpose of asking for what I want or think I need. It’s become a means to try to achieve the happiness I long for, but I believe that prayer is more than just a means to an end…it is the beginning, the middle, and the end. 

Prayer is my faith revealed in my relationship with my God. Prayer is the practice of my faith. It reveals my understanding that God is who He says He is…my God, Father, Savior, Friend, Counselor, Protector, Provider, Refuge, Strength, Hope, Joy, Peace, and Love. 

When I understand who God is…how can I not talk to Him? How can I not bring everything to Him? How can I not lean into Him when life is too hard? 

Those were kind of meant to be rhetorical, but I’m realizing I really do need to ask myself those questions and wait for my answer.

I know who He is and how He loves me and yet I live like He plunked me down here and said, “Have at it, girlie! Good luck!” 

Goodness, I just need to look at His Word to see how much He longs for me to talk with and to Him, for me to listen quietly and trust Him.

God encourages us to pray all the time. God tells us to pray always, continually, and faithfully (Luke 18:1, 1 Thess. 5:19, Romans 12:12). Do not give up!

He doesn’t tire of us or our requests, questions, or comments, but prayer is so much more expansive than just rehearsing needs. Prayer is praise, thanksgiving, repentance, and forgiveness.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests with this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 
Acts 4:31

I’ve been praying for answers and changed circumstances, for blessings and bounty. This year, I want to pray for a change in perspective. A way of living that is marked by a constant awareness of my God and His love. 

Living like that requires me to take my eyes off what I’m dealing with, what I feel, and what I hope for, and turn my gaze to my Savior. To fix my eyes on Jesus, the author, and perfecter of my faith (Hebrews 12:1-3)

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:3-4

If I’m looking at Him, my perspective will be His not mine. My thoughts will be about Him rather than me. My hope will be in what He can do in my life, not what I can do about my life. I’m always looking for fixes, ways to make things not wear me out so much…God is saying, “Look at me. Look to me. Let me handle everything. I am able to do immeasurably more than anything you could possibly come up with in this situation.” 

My imagination is so small and my plans so tiny compared to God’s. He has set things in motion I cannot even imagine. I’m so busy wanting small things to make life easier, and God is telling me to ask for big things that make life extraordinary. 

I’m not talking about a lottery win or a dramatic change of circumstances. I’m talking about things like lives changed by the Holy Spirit, healing and restoration of faith, a full understanding of how much we are loved by God, and a  peace that surpasses all understanding.

I’m so busy praying for things that are temporary that I forget to pray for eternal things. The things that truly matter. Instead of praying that God will make my children’s lives less challenging, I could pray that God uses the challenges to grow them into people of great faith, courage, and strength. That challenges would make them compassionate and kind. That difficulties would drive them to the Lord. That problems would give them an eternal perspective. 

Prayer is more than just me communicating my needs to my Father, it is me relying on my Father, renewing my faith in my Father, trusting my Father, resting in the knowledge that He loves me beyond comprehension and that He is working all things together for good…extraordinary good.

I’m so busy wanting small things to make life easier, and God is telling me to ask for big things that make life extraordinary. 

Advent, a Little Doubt, and A Lot of Prayer

/ Sue Birdseye / 2 Comments

It is there staring me down… the questioning look of doubt on the faces of some of my children. They wonder if God really loves them. It makes sense. I understand. And yet, I long for them to know that He does. He loves them so much. But when they look at their circumstances, it is really easy to go there…to assume that God is withholding rather than holding. 

Holding like a father holds his precious newborn baby…ready to do anything to protect, defend, provide, and love. Pure love. That is God, all the time. 

No withholding.

Hard to understand in seasons of “No” and “Not yet.” Hard to grasp when all you seem to be asking is, “Why?” and “When?” and “How?” I get it. I often find myself there, but I have years of seeing God work out the seemingly pointless, awful, and sad things of life into beauty. Beauty from ashes. But when all you see is ashes of what life is supposed to be like… at least what you think it should be like…what it seems like in other people’s worlds … it’s easy to wonder if God even loves you.

Telling, texting, stating, messaging, singing, writing, begging, and pleading with my children to know that God loves them is not as effective as I’d hoped. I so want them to know Him the way I do. To know that even in the doubts, He is there. Even when the answer seems to be a repetitive no and it feels like something (anything) needs to go your way just once, He is there. And by He is there, I mean He hasn’t left, He hasn’t forsaken, He hasn’t forgotten, He hasn’t stopped loving. 

How do you convince someone of that fact…that God loves them? 

I have been pondering this for a long while now…and the other day, I realized for the umpteenth millionth time that God’s love isn’t determined by my circumstances or my feelings; God’s love is a sure thing regardless of anything else. God has already shown His love to me when He willingly gave up so much to be my Savior. It almost sounds trite to just write one sentence like that to describe how much God loves me. Loves my children. Loves us. 

It is easy to forget the whole process of incarnation…the denying deity, helpless babe in a womb, cared for by and dependant upon His own creation, misunderstood, denied, harassed, ignored, criticized, and ultimately beaten, bruised, and murdered for me. Completely cut off from the source of all goodness and love and peace and joy…for me. For us. 

Jesus gets how it feels to feel unloved…truly.

Sometimes I forget about Jesus being the baby, toddler, child, teenager, young adult…that whole living life down here instead of in perfection. He who knew perfection chose imperfection…and we who only know imperfection long for perfection. Assume that imperfection means God doesn’t love us. Means God doesn’t care, isn’t listening, isn’t answering, isn’t here at all.

This season of Advent, preparing for Christmas, is always filled with so much emotion. First of all, I always (and I mean always) have such grand plans for Advent readings and prayers. And I always (and I mean always) fail to make it happen consistently, if at all. This year is not different, but I have been thinking and praying and talking with some of my children. Not collectively, one on one at times. About what it means to trust God, to know that He loves us, to believe. 

My youngest daughter asked me the other night, “What if we are all insane?” She was talking about faith. I said, “I have had those thoughts too. But, I will tell you, I know Him. I know He is real. He loves me. He has walked with me through so much. I have known peace where it just didn’t make sense and joy when misery was the only reasonable option.” 

And at that moment and many others since, I knew that there isn’t anything I can say, text, or do to change my children’s hearts or minds. I’ve been looking for a way when the only way is God.

He didn’t need me to do anything to save me. He doesn’t need me to do anything to save my children. 

Life-changing. Difficult to live, but life-changing. I like to make things happen, be in control, and make a difference. But in this instance, it isn’t about me…actually, in many instances, it isn’t about me. Maybe most. It’s about Him and what He is doing.

Months ago, when I was going through a rather difficult time, God brought me to Isaiah 43. One passage of many that stood out to me is this: 

Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, “Give them up!” and to the south, “Do not hold them back.” Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth – everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Isaiah 43: 5-7

There is nothing in that passage about God sending me on a great mission to go get my children and bring them to Him. He gathers them, brings them, calls them. My job…trust that He will do His.

All your children will be taught by the LORD, and great will be their peace. Isaiah 54:13

I have the responsibility of being willing to listen, share what I believe and why, share His Word, and discuss and debate and ponder together. To have Him be a part of our family as much as any one of us is. Be real and honest and willing to share and talk. Trust that God loves my children even when they don’t feel that He does. Believe for them. Pray for them. 

Love the Lord your God will all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:5-9

Sometimes I forget the power of prayer…or I doubt it…or discount it as a true thing to do to help my children. Maybe I struggle to believe that God will answer…no maybe about it, I do. Sometimes I imagine that there is something else I need to do to deserve Him listening and responding in a way that makes sense to my kids and me. Often lately, He hasn’t. And after that happens enough times, it certainly is easy to think there must be something wrong with me because He is God, and He is perfect. 

The reality is… He is perfect, and I am not. And that means that the way things happen is for the best regardless of what I think. I am sure this season of “nos” is preparing my children for something profoundly better. I pray they get that surety too. That they believe He loves them beyond measure, relentlessly, completely, unwaveringly, without hesitation. 

Oh, that I truly grasped that myself. This Christmas season, I want to focus on what it really means that Jesus came down here. Not just that He did, but all that He endured from conception to crucifixion from incarnation to resurrection.

Because maybe in grasping truly what He went through for us, we, as a family, can grasp how our lives fit into a grander plan. How enduring difficulties doesn’t reveal a lack of love from God but rather reflects God’s love. He loves us enough to allow hardship for holiness, and pain for a purpose, and seasons of seeming silence for bountiful blessings beyond. 

The answer to those doubtful looks is to turn our eyes to the One who is the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). The One who knows us by name (Isaiah 43:1), who has engraved us on the palm of His hands (Isaiah 49:16), who has called us His own and promises to be with us no matter where life takes us (Isaiah 43:1-2), who hems us in behind and before (Psalm 139:5), who considers us precious and honored in His sight and who loves us (Isaiah 43: 4). 

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

Grateful and (a little) Stressed

/ Sue Birdseye / 2 Comments

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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.  Romans 15:13

This morning barking dogs disturbed my semi-peaceful slumber…at 4:15 am. 

Sometimes I wonder why sleep remains so elusive for me. I found myself asking God, “Really Father? 4:15?”

I know God created me to need sleep so why can’t I have some? 

This morning after trying to ignore the noise, I decided to just get up, take a shower, make some coffee, and have my quiet time. 

I grabbed my journal and unfortunately my first thought was to begin to list my complaints, and just a few in I felt this overwhelming sense of God saying, “Trust me.”  

I stopped writing, looked up, and thought, “God, do I trust you even in this? Not getting sleep? Feeling unhealthy, exhausted, and overworked?”  

I had to say, “Oh Father, I’m so sorry…not completely.”

I trust God with a lot, but there is a fair amount I keep in the “really God?!?” pile. It’s full of the things that seem so unfair, so frustrating, so out-of-my control, so relentlessly difficult and complicated…does anyone else have this pile? And I think maybe I’ve given up a bit on that pile..resigned myself.

On top of the difficulties and struggles is this knowledge that God could easily make everything better. It would take nothing for the Creator of the world to let me sleep all night, to bless my children in all the ways I desperately want them to be blessed,  to let my house not have one more issue, to let life calm down ever so slightly so I could take a breath and get healthy…I have so many “I just don’t understand why, God” moments.

Years ago while discussing challenges in life and the questions that come with them, one of my friends asked, “Why not us? Why do we deserve a life of no difficulties?”

I get it. I even agree. But ugh. It doesn’t seem to help in the thick of things to recognize  that I don’t deserve anything or that I am blessed so much or I should be thankful for where I am, not always longing for where I want to be…I truly do believe that, but I have to live this life…survive this life. And sometimes those truths are just hard.

Recently while discussing the stress in my life, I was challenged to list what I am thankful for…it’s a challenge I’ve accepted many times, but this time I wanted to say, “That isn’t the same thing!” Having stress and being thankful for blessings are not two opposing teams. I can be grateful for many things and still stressed by my circumstances. Can’t they exist together?…if I don’t allow my stress to overwhelm my thankfulness?

I guess in truth it is easy to get overwhelmed right out of thankfulness…particularly at 4:30 a.m. I’m tired, but part of the reason I’m tired this morning is because, just as I was going to sleep last night, my 17 year old son came up to chat. We stayed up having a great conversation for over an hour. I am so very thankful for that…blessed and grateful…and also sleepy.

Do I trust that God has a plan even when I’m beyond tired? Do I trust God when things just refuse to go smoothly? Do I trust God when my children are hurting? Do I trust God when I know He could alleviate the stress, hurts, fears, and challenges, but He doesn’t? I’m asking myself again…Do I trust Him?

Honestly, it’s too easy to say yes. After all, I know it is the correct answer.

I’m just not sure.

But oh how I want to say yes. Yes, Father, I trust you! I do. I do. I do.

In my head I do trust. I trust He loves me. I trust He will do what is best.

Maybe where I’m struggling is I know that trusting Him doesn’t mean that my prayers for rest will be answered. That things might not get better even though I know He could very easily make them so.

That old standby – Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not be anxious…couldn’t it be rephrased, “Do not be stressed”? Anxious means “to be troubled with cares” – sounds like stressed to me, but lack of sleep and difficult challenges add an element of stress that isn’t necessarily anxiety…it’s just stress. Nevertheless, I know that the answer lies in this verse…because the answer is always to involve God.

God’s advice – pray, ask, be grateful – lay it all before Him and let Him give you peace that you can’t even understand. I know most of you probably already realized this, but it doesn’t say that He will fix the situation that made you anxious. It says that He will give you peace that you can’t comprehend. That kind of infers that your peace will be despite your circumstances and struggles. So I can further infer that I’m supposed to pray, ask God for what I need, be grateful for what I have, and trust Him that He will do what is best…hard truth.

There are a few other things in Philippians that speak to this…right after this exhortation, Paul says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (4:8) And if that wasn’t enough, Paul shares this, “Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Two things I take from that…

  1. What I think about makes a difference.
  2. A peaceful life comes from trusting God to give me strength to be content in my circumstances.

Part of my struggle is that the things that give me stress are all around me…I can’t really get away from them no matter how much I try. I’m surrounded! Maybe that is why God says to pray without ceasing…just continually give it to God.

Lord, I just desperately need sleep and it seems so impossible to get…thank you for time with you in the morning and for your sustaining even when I’m exhausted. Lord, you are always with us, I know that. And Father, I know that you love my children and me. Please Lord, would you work mightily in our lives? Show us that you care. I know you do.

Maybe that’s where I start…remind myself that God cares.

“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Luke 12:6-7

He cares about it all.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Through Christ, I am comforted. Lord, please help me understand what that looks like. Please allow me to feel comfort even in my stressed and grateful state.

 

My Agenda for Strength

/ Sue Birdseye / Leave a comment

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I’ve been trying to get strong. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. My arms are still the same ones that wiggle when I wave. I’m still forgetting stuff. I’m still a bit emotional about things that I could probably let slide. And I’m still working on letting God handle things without so much input from me. My agenda for strength.

I really just want to be Wonder Woman. Strong. Beautiful. Smart. Calm. Godly.  

I want to be able to kick butt and take names! I want to handle this life well…better than well.

But God doesn’t say that He will give us His strength so that we can do things on our own. He gives us strength so we can live the life He has given us. We can do all the things he has called us to in whatever place, circumstance or situation we find ourselves.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

That verse gets applied to many situations as if God is going to give all the strength we need to accomplish our life’s to do list, be who we want to be right now, make life happen the way we want it to.  

It is more than that and maybe less than that in some ways.

No matter what circumstance I find myself in, no matter how difficult or wonderful life is, God will give me the strength to live gracefully.  To make the difficult but godly choices. To face temptations and not fall. To overcome the past so that I can live in the present with purpose and joy.  To be content…not always longing for the perfect fix, the “thing” that is going to make everything better…the thing that is going to make me better.

I wonder if the phrase I utter the most is, “Lord, please give me strength.”  Sometimes it’s said in a quiet whisper, sometimes through clenched teeth, and even at times in a wail of desperation.

There are moments I feel that I have not one ounce of strength left and there are still so very many things to do… children to love on, papers to grade, lessons to plan, homework to help with, dinners to make, lunches to pack, activities to drive to, laundry to fold, dishes to scrub, and innumerable other things that cause weariness to crash over me like a tsunami.

I feel weary of parenting challenges like my little girl whose will could bend steel or a tweenager who can’t resist just one more snarky comment. I find myself fearful that I will be completely unprepared to address any parenting challenges with any discernment.

There are days when I believe I have nothing left…not enough energy to make wise decisions and stick by them. No strength to keep moving forward when things just refuse to be resolved easily.  No strength to stay up one more minute and do the things that really do need to be done. No strength to live the life for Christ I so desperately want to live.

And I wonder why do I still not feel strong?  It is one of those mysteries to me…how do I live strong in Christ when I feel so weak in me?

I keep thinking that God is going to give me strength to live the life I want to live. I have to ask myself what is this life I want to live and why do I feel that I’m not living it?  

It is a vision I have.  And I realized today that I want God to give me the strength to make it happen.  And because I don’t seem to be able to do that, I sometimes feel weak, ineffective, and defeated.  Maybe I have this strength thing all wrong. (I think that is a fair assumption at this point.)

So I decided to look up all the verses on strength and figure it out.  The first verse brought me to one of my favorite stories in the Old Testament.  When things were so difficult during my husband’s departure from our marriage, our family, and our daily lives, this passage brought me so much comfort.

The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.  Exodus 15:2

Moses makes it pretty clear that his strength is found in the Lord.  This is in reference to the Lord saving the people of Israel at the Red Sea.  I love love love that story. I know that I have written about it before, but it always thrills me to remember the hopelessness of the situation and the amazing rescue of the Lord.  The reality was that the Israelites were surrounded on every side – mountains to the right and left, a sea in front, and the Egyptian army barreling down from behind. Not an ideal situation.  Had the Lord saved them from slavery to place them in an impossible situation now? Heavens, no! He had already planned the glorious escape! The mind-blowing thing for me was the east wind was blowing from across the sea, parting the water to them!  Moses didn’t raise his hands and the water parted before him…the water parted from the opposite shore and came to them! God was already making a way out of the impossible before they knew they needed it! I love our God! Impossible situations are never impossible for God!  So the strength Israel needed in that situation was the strength to trust that their God who had brought them out of Egypt with hands full of provisions…their God who had led by day and night with pillars of smoke and fire…their God who had saved them would indeed save them again.   The strength came from trusting the LORD.

The second time the Israelites crossed water – the Jordan River – into the Promised Land, the priests had to stick their toes in the overflowing water and stay there until the people all crossed safely to the other side.  Once everyone was on the other side, Joshua instructed a man from each of the twelve tribes to take a stone from the place where the priests’ feet had stood. These stones which must have been quite large because they had to carry them out on their shoulders, were to be a remembrance of what God had done.

Maybe I need some memorial stones to remind me of the strength the Lord has given me in the past, of the many miraculous and beautiful ways God has walked me through difficult things, of the times He has given me wisdom, discernment, and grace to live well for Him.  What would my memorial look like? My beautiful children…perfect pictures of God’s love and blessing to me. Probably my book, “When Happily Ever After Shatters” because it is a true retelling of how God was with me throughout my husband’s abandonment and our divorce.  Maybe all the things I write down that honor God’s hand in my life.

I know and I’m reminded by His word that the only way to tap into His strength is to be with Him.

Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!  1 Chronicles 16:11

I do not believe it is possible to live in His strength without living in His presence.  Acknowledging Him. True strength is found in the presence of God. And of course the beauty of the Lord is that He chooses to stay with us…to live with us.  It is part of the Covenant. He truly does never leave us nor forsake us. I am reminded of all the times I found solace in His word. I could not hold God’s hands as I poured out my heart to Him, but I could open up that precious dog-eared book and find comfort in His words written for me.

But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. 2 Timothy 4:17

I almost took that verse and wrote only the first part because that was all I technically needed for what I want to convey.  But I believe that God’s word is richer for the context. Paul is sharing with Timothy that God was with him giving him strength in the life he was called to live.  God had called Paul to many difficult things and He stood beside him and strengthened him in every task…even the arduous ones. To say that Paul walked a challenging path is quite an understatement…beatings, imprisonments, shipwrecks…and yet, he is the writer who says,

Rejoice always, praying without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus in you.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

God’s will is for me to rejoice each step of this path…to continually be with Him…to be grateful, because He knows without a doubt that living a joy-filled life is living strong.

…for the joy of the LORD is your strength.  Nehemiah 8:10

This seems to go back to what Paul said about finding the secret to living in any circumstances.  Can I find joy even when things are decidedly different from what I’d have chosen? Can I find joy in my weariness?  Can I find joy in my life? The answer to those questions is yes. But I must ask myself, “Will I find joy?”

It’s like that old teacher joke when a student asks, “Can I go to the bathroom?”  And the teacher asks back, “I don’t know, can you?” There is no question that I can do something about living joyfully.  The tougher question is, “Will I?”

Will I seek strength in the Lord, or continue to search for it in myself?  Without the Lord, I do not have the strength I want to live well. There is no joy to be found in and of myself.  All that I need is found in Him. Will I seek Him?

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.I will be found by you, declares the LORD… Jeremiah 29:13-14a

I will find Him when I seek Him with ALL my heart.  In looking up verses on seeking God, I was brought to Hebrews 11 – the “By Faith” chapter.  And I was reminded that most if not all of those precious people mentioned were called out of comfort.  They were challenged to trust God. To believe that He could do immeasurably more than all they asked or imagined…in whatever circumstances they found themselves.  To believe that their strength was in the Lord, not their abilities or their circumstances. Oh to have that kind of faith…daily.

To believe that God is able to not just do the God-sized tasks, but the everyday pain in the rear overwhelming tasks of life as a single parent…as any parent, as any person for that matter…that is the blessing…that is the trusting…that is the strength.

Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees, Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not!”  Isaiah 35:3-4

There is an element to this strength thing of just doing it.  Just believing God to be faithful to provide. I think sometimes I assume that strength is just going to pour over me like cool water on a hot day…reviving, energizing, and giving me what I need to keep keeping on.  But I believe strength is a decision to live for the Lord…to look beyond the struggle to the Savior.

I know, I know.  Sue, what do you mean?  How do you look beyond the piles of laundry, the stacks of bills, the teetering towers of dishes?  How do you hear His voice past the noise of children, the constant cell phone notifications, the emails that pile up in inboxes…

It is quite simple really.  You take a moment and pray. You make time to read His word.  You do it. You seek Him. Believe me, no….believe Him…He says when you seek Him, you WILL find Him.  

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

 

Living Strong

/ Sue Birdseye / Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking about strength lately, mostly because I really need some. I’ve been praying about it a lot too. And I realized that I’ve been living under the assumption that at some point God will just zap me with strength so I can get busy doing all the things I think I need to do.  

Yeah. I know…that’s not how it works.

God doesn’t say that He will give us His strength so that we can do our things without Him.  He doesn’t give us strength so we can march away from Him with our to-do list in hand ready to do our stuff on our own.  

He gives us strength so we can lean on Him as we live the life He has given us.  So we can do all the things He has called us to in whatever place, circumstance or situation we find ourselves.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound.  In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

That verse gets applied to many situations as if God is going to give all the strength we need to accomplish our life to do list, be who we want to be right now, make life happen the way we want it to.  

It is more than that and maybe less than that in some ways.

I think it means that no matter what circumstance I find myself in, no matter how difficult or wonderful life is, God will give me the strength to live gracefully.  To make the difficult but godly choices.  To face temptations and not fall.  To overcome the past so that I can live in the present with purpose and joy.  To be content…not always longing for the perfect fix, the “thing” that is going to make everything better…the thing that is going to make me better.

I wonder if the phrase I utter the most is, “Lord, please give me strength.”  Sometimes it’s said in a quiet whisper, sometimes through clenched teeth, and even at times in a wail of desperation.

There are moments I feel that I have not one ounce of strength left and there are still so very many things to do… children to love one, papers to grade, lessons to plan, homework to help with, dinners to make, lunches to pack, activities to drive to, laundry to fold, dishes to scrub, and innumerable other things that cause weariness to crash over me like a tsunami.

I feel weary of parenting challenges like my little girl whose will could bend steel or a tweenager who can’t resist just one more snarky comment. I find myself fearful that I will be completely unprepared to address any parenting challenges with any discernment.

There are days when I believe I have nothing left…not enough energy to make wise decisions and stick by them. No strength to keep moving forward when things just refuse to be resolved easily. No strength to live the life for Christ I so desperately want to live.

And I wonder why do I still not feel strong?  It is one of those mysteries to me…how do I live strong in Christ when I feel so weak in me?

I keep thinking that God is going to give me strength to live the life I want to live.  I have to ask myself what is this life I want to live and why do I feel that I’m not living it?  

It is a vision I have.  And I realized today that I want God to give me the strength to make it happen.  And because I don’t seem to be able to do that, I sometimes feel weak, ineffective, and defeated.  Maybe I have this strength thing all wrong.  (I think that is a fair assumption at this point.)

So I decided to look up all the verses on strength and figure it out.  The first verse brought me to one of my favorite stories in the Old Testament.  When things were so difficult during my husband’s departure from our marriage, our family, and our daily lives, this passage brought me so much comfort.

The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.  Exodus 15:2

Moses makes it pretty clear that his strength is found in the Lord.  This is in reference to the Lord saving the people of Israel at the Red Sea.  I love love love that story.  I know that I have written about it before, but it always thrills me to remember the hopelessness of the situation and the amazing rescue of the Lord.  The reality was that the Israelites were surrounded on every side – mountains to the right and left, a sea in front, and the Egyptian army barreling down from behind.  Not an ideal situation.  Had the Lord saved them from slavery to place them in an impossible situation now?  Heavens, no!  He had already planned the glorious escape!  The mind-blowing thing for me was the east wind was blowing from across the sea, parting the water to them!  Moses didn’t raise his hands and the water parted before him…the water parted from the opposite shore and came to them!  God was already making a way out of the impossible before they knew they needed it!  I love our God!  Impossible situations are never impossible for God! So the strength Israel needed in that situation was the strength to trust that their God who had brought them out of Egypt with hands full of provisions…their God who had led by day and night with pillars of smoke and fire…their God who had saved them would indeed save them again.   The strength came from trusting the LORD.

The second time the Israelites crossed water – the Jordan River – into the Promised Land, the priests had to stick their toes in the overflowing water and stay there until the people all crossed safely to the other side. No easy task…it required bravery, trust, and strength to stick toes in frothy, foaming, rushing water…all while holding the Ark of the Covenant…and then to stand in the middle while the people crossed. Once everyone was on the other side, Joshua instructed a man from each of the twelve tribes to take a stone from the place where the priests’ feet had stood.  These stones which must have been quite large because they had to carry them out on their shoulders, were to be a remembrance of what God had done.

Maybe I need some memorial stones to remind me of the strength the Lord has given me in the past, of the many miraculous and beautiful ways God has walked me through difficult things, of the times He has given me wisdom, discernment, and grace to live well for Him.  What would my memorial look like?  Probably my book, “When Happily Ever After Shatters” could be considered one because it is a true retelling of how God was with me throughout my husband’s abandonment and our divorce. Maybe the answer is another book of the past several years as a single parent. (Would you pray with me about that one?)

I know and I’m reminded by His word that the only way to tap into His strength is to be with Him.

Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!  1 Chronicles 16:11

I do not believe it is possible to live in the Lord’s strength without living in His presence. Acknowledging Him.  True strength is found in the presence of God. And of course the beauty of the Lord is that He chooses to stay with us…to live with us.  It is part of the Covenant.  He truly does never leave us nor forsake us.  I am reminded of all the times I found solace in His word.  I could not hold God’s hands as I poured out my heart to Him, but I could open up that precious dog-eared book and find comfort in His words written for me.

But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. 2 Timothy 4:17

I almost took that verse and wrote only the first part because that was all I technically needed for what I want to convey.  But I believe that God’s word is richer for the context. Paul is sharing with Timothy that God was with him giving him strength in the life he was called to live.  God had called Paul to many difficult things and He stood beside him and strengthened him in every task…even the arduous ones. To say that Paul walked a challenging path is quite an understatement…beatings, imprisonments, shipwrecks…and yet, he is the writer who says,

Rejoice always, praying without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus in you.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

God’s will is for me to rejoice each step of this path…to continually be with Him…to be grateful, because He knows without a doubt that living a joy-filled life is living strong.

…for the joy of the LORD is your strength.  Nehemiah 8:10

This seems to go back to what Paul said about finding the secret to living in any circumstances.  Can I find joy even when things are decidedly different from what I’d have chosen?  Can I find joy in my weariness?  Can I find joy in my life?  The answer to those questions is yes.  But I must ask myself, “Will I find joy?”

It’s like that old teacher joke when a student asks, “Can I go to the bathroom?”  And the teacher asks back, “I don’t know, can you?”  There is no question that I can do something about living joyfully.  The tougher question is, “Will I?”

Will I seek strength in the Lord, or continue to search for it in myself?  Without the Lord, I do not have the strength I want to live well.  There is no joy to be found in and of myself.  All that I need is found in Him.  Will I seek Him?

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD… Jeremiah 29:13-14

I will find Him when I seek Him with ALL my heart.  In looking up verses on seeking God, I was brought to Hebrews 11 – the “By Faith” chapter.  And I was reminded that most if not all of those precious people mentioned were called out of comfort.  They were challenged to trust God.  To believe that He could do immeasurably more than all they asked or imagined…in whatever circumstances they found themselves.  To believe that their strength was in the Lord, not their abilities or their circumstances.  Oh to have that kind of faith…daily.

To believe that God is able to not just do the God-sized tasks, but the everyday pain in the rear overwhelming tasks of life as a single parent…as any parent, as any person for that matter…that is the blessing…that is the trusting…that is the strength.

Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees, say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not!”  Isaiah 35:3-4

There is an element to this strength thing of just doing it.  Just believing God to be faithful to provide.  I think sometimes I assume that strength is just going to pour over me like cool water on a hot day…reviving, energizing, and giving me what I need to keep keeping on.  But I believe strength is a decision to live for the Lord…to look beyond the struggle to the Savior.

I know, I know.  Sue, what do you mean?  How do you look beyond the piles of laundry, the stacks of bills, the teetering towers of dishes?  How do you hear His voice past the noise of children, the constant cell phone notifications, the emails that pile up in inboxes…

I don’t mean this in a condescending or rude way at all, but I believe it is quite simple really.  You take a moment and pray.  You make time to read His word.  You do it.  You seek Him.  Believe me, no….believe Him…He says when you seek Him, you WILL find Him.  

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.   Matthew 11:28-30

Live strong by living with Him…make time for Him in the busyness…listen to His love poured out for you in His Word, share your life with Him in prayer and trust that He loves you relentlessly, find strength in the joy of knowing Jesus.

Choose Him.  Live strong.

Grab the Robe with Me

/ Sue Birdseye / 4 Comments

IMG_6929There was this song at my old church …it was a solo I sang on worship team sometimes. It was called “I See the Lord” and I loved it.

It was based on Isaiah 6:1

…I saw the LORD sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple.”

The morning after my husband said he was thinking of leaving, I was scheduled to sing “I See the Lord” at church.  I went early for practice and cried through the whole thing. I think my sweet worship leader thought I was particularly moved by the song.  Although I always was to some degree, it was not the cause of my tears that morning.  I don’t believe I have sung it since.  

Nor really have I thought about it until this past week when I was listening to a talk about the woman with the bleeding issue who reached out and touched the robe of Christ in order to be healed.

And I was thinking about that woman and how desperate she was…how she had tried everything and nothing had worked.  She thought, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.”  (Mark 5:28)

At this point, Jesus was on the way to heal Jarius’ daughter.  Jarius had said, “My little daughter is at the point of death.  Come and lay your hands on her, so that she may be made well and live.”  (Mark 5:23)

Jesus is on the way to heal a little girl who is as old as this woman’s health problem.  Both are desperate for healing.  One just wanted to touch Him and one just needs to be touched by Him.  

Jesus.  The Great Physician.  

For the woman, her ailment has meant that she is constantly considered unclean…impure  She can’t even touch another person without making them unclean along with her.  And yet, in her desperation, she is pushing through a crowd to touch the Savior.  To just grab hold of the hem of His robe.  She doesn’t even really touch Him.  She touches His robe…probably the tassels that hang down from the hem.  And instantly… instantly… she is healed.  

The years of pain and shame are over.  

And with that brief encounter…that willingness to push through the obstacles and grab hold of Him….she is healed.  And Jesus…Jesus feels it.

“And Jesus perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?”  (Mark 5: 30)

Good gravy!  The Man was surrounded with people all probably touching him with hands, elbows, shoulders and even an occasional stomped toe.  And yet, He recognized this touch as different.  This Faith Touch.  This Needing Healing Hand.  

And He knew.  It isn’t as if He couldn’t turn around and identify her.  He could, but He asks.  Maybe so she can acknowledge that something amazing has happened… that she can say, “I’m healed!  I can touch you just like I touched Him – only this time it’s all okay!  I’m clean!”  Maybe it’s so she can know that He knows.  He felt it just like her.  

Sometimes I forget that when God helps me, shows me something, heals me, provides for me, and just simply loves me well….it blesses me and Him and others, if I acknowledge it publicly.  

I reached out to God and He healed me! I reached out to God and He provided for me.  I reached out to God and He made a way where there was no way.

That robe…it’s huge.  It fills the temple.  There is plenty of space for all of us to grab hold of it.  To grab a tassel or a handful of fabric.  Whether we are pushing through the obstacles or not, whether we are crawling on hands and knees in desperation, or running to Him in fear and anxiety, God’s robe is there.  God is there.

But maybe we are like Jarius and his daughter.  Maybe we need Jesus to show up.  Maybe there isn’t anything left  and we are weary and sick and tired and we are saying, “Lord Jesus, please come to me and help me.”

The beauty is either way, He is enough.  He is there.  

He is here.

Sometimes I forget that.  I feel so weary…so, so, so weary.  And sometimes it seems that there isn’t a soul in the whole wide world who can really truly understand it…and sometimes in the depths of decisions and difficulties, it can feel overwhelmingly lonely. It is in those moments, those lonely weary worrisome moments, when I need that touch. That divine touch.

I imagine His robe not just big enough to fill the temple, but big enough to cover us all.

When Jesus stopped to talk to the woman, I’m sure Jarius was anxiously impatient.  I’d have been like “Excuse me, Jesus?  Please remember my daughter.  She’s dying….Jesus, I asked first.”

But Jesus stops.  And Jarius’ daughter dies.  

While he was still speaking, there came from the ruler’s house some who said, “Your daughter is dead.  Why trouble the Teacher any further?”

NO!  Jesus, you were coming with me!  If you hadn’t stopped…

What must Jarius have felt, thought…how must he have looked.  The worst news possible…

But God….

“But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue (Jarius), “Do not fear, only believe.”

In the worst moment, Jesus is there.  He was in the moment with Jarius even while talking to the woman.  

He is never absent.  He is always with us.  

And in our worst moments, He says, “Do not fear, only believe.”

Believe I am good.  Believe I am love.  Believe I am able.

Believe I am enough.

That robe…

Ever so gently flowing over me, covering, protecting, comforting.

Peace flowing over me.

When I make my bed sometimes I hold the edges of my sheet firmly and lift it up high to let it float down gently on my bed, covering the mattress.  That is how I imagine Jesus’ robe.  

Healing floating down over me.

I might be all goofy on this one…wouldn’t be surprising…but I’m comforted by this image, blessed by the comfort of knowing that He is big enough to cover me and all my life…He is big enough to cover all of us and all our lives.

And, when I need Him (which is always) I only need to reach out for Jesus and He is there.  

He is here.  

Just reach out and touch Him.

Grab hold of Him.  Be touched.