Dogeared: (adj.) Having many pages with corners that have been folded down, usually a sign of heavy use.

I never used to fold down the corner of book pages. It would be shocking to me to ruin the clean, flat, perfect look of a page. Now, I almost take pleasure in bending that little bit of paper down before I close the book and put it on my nightstand. 

It’s such a small and silly thing, but I find it a bit comforting. Maybe because it symbolizes something else for me. An effort to no longer try to be perfect – as if I ever was or even came close. 

Perfection is a ridiculous expectation. An impossible goal. Destined for failure. And yet I have made it, at least in my head and sometimes my heart, a real and true objective. An objective with no other outcome than failure. And feeling like a failure is something I’m entirely too well acquainted with for my liking. 

My goal needs to be different. To live peacefully, wisely, and trustingly. And even with those, the Holy Spirit needs to make it happen. 

Or maybe it’s not going to be an adverb at all, but rather a state of being…of living.

Living as a child of God, a daughter of the King, a dearly loved and chosen woman.

Oh, that last one…that one gently wraps around me and soothes my heart. 

A dearly loved and chosen woman.

Love, at least the romantic kind, has not really worked out well for me. I have more broken and bruised parts to show for it than anything else. But there is still a part of me, not totally hidden, that cries out to be loved well by someone. Although I long for that kind of love, that isn’t the love I feel drawn to right now.

I’m drawn to the love that knows me completely and loves me still. The love that will not let me go no matter how much I pull and tug and trip and fall away. The love that will never leave me alone.

The love of my Father declares with a fierce tenderness that I am a dearly loved woman.

God invites me to take off my shoes and be comfortable, to climb up next to Him when I’m scared, to hide my face in His shoulder when I’m sad, to lean on Him when I’m tired, to vent all the things to His patient ear, to laugh with abandoned and joy in His presence.

In this dearly loved space it’s okay if my mascara is running because sometimes life really hurts. It’s even completely alright to fall asleep mid-sentence because He’ll be right there when I wake. 

God offers an ask me, talk to me, seek me kind of love. A never leave you, never abandon you, never betray you kind of love. A “you are precious and exquisitely beautiful” kind of love. A “you are chosen” kind of love.

You and me….we are dearly loved just as we are, perfectly imperfect.