Posted on by Sue Birdseye

My Agenda for Strength

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I’ve been trying to get strong. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. My arms are still the same ones that wiggle when I wave. I’m still forgetting stuff. I’m still a bit emotional about things that I could probably let slide. And I’m still working on letting God handle things without so much input from me. My agenda for strength.

I really just want to be Wonder Woman. Strong. Beautiful. Smart. Calm. Godly.  

I want to be able to kick butt and take names! I want to handle this life well…better than well.

But God doesn’t say that He will give us His strength so that we can do things on our own. He gives us strength so we can live the life He has given us. We can do all the things he has called us to in whatever place, circumstance or situation we find ourselves.

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.  I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

That verse gets applied to many situations as if God is going to give all the strength we need to accomplish our life’s to do list, be who we want to be right now, make life happen the way we want it to.  

It is more than that and maybe less than that in some ways.

No matter what circumstance I find myself in, no matter how difficult or wonderful life is, God will give me the strength to live gracefully.  To make the difficult but godly choices. To face temptations and not fall. To overcome the past so that I can live in the present with purpose and joy.  To be content…not always longing for the perfect fix, the “thing” that is going to make everything better…the thing that is going to make me better.

I wonder if the phrase I utter the most is, “Lord, please give me strength.”  Sometimes it’s said in a quiet whisper, sometimes through clenched teeth, and even at times in a wail of desperation.

There are moments I feel that I have not one ounce of strength left and there are still so very many things to do… children to love on, papers to grade, lessons to plan, homework to help with, dinners to make, lunches to pack, activities to drive to, laundry to fold, dishes to scrub, and innumerable other things that cause weariness to crash over me like a tsunami.

I feel weary of parenting challenges like my little girl whose will could bend steel or a tweenager who can’t resist just one more snarky comment. I find myself fearful that I will be completely unprepared to address any parenting challenges with any discernment.

There are days when I believe I have nothing left…not enough energy to make wise decisions and stick by them. No strength to keep moving forward when things just refuse to be resolved easily.  No strength to stay up one more minute and do the things that really do need to be done. No strength to live the life for Christ I so desperately want to live.

And I wonder why do I still not feel strong?  It is one of those mysteries to me…how do I live strong in Christ when I feel so weak in me?

I keep thinking that God is going to give me strength to live the life I want to live. I have to ask myself what is this life I want to live and why do I feel that I’m not living it?  

It is a vision I have.  And I realized today that I want God to give me the strength to make it happen.  And because I don’t seem to be able to do that, I sometimes feel weak, ineffective, and defeated.  Maybe I have this strength thing all wrong. (I think that is a fair assumption at this point.)

So I decided to look up all the verses on strength and figure it out.  The first verse brought me to one of my favorite stories in the Old Testament.  When things were so difficult during my husband’s departure from our marriage, our family, and our daily lives, this passage brought me so much comfort.

The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation.  Exodus 15:2

Moses makes it pretty clear that his strength is found in the Lord.  This is in reference to the Lord saving the people of Israel at the Red Sea.  I love love love that story. I know that I have written about it before, but it always thrills me to remember the hopelessness of the situation and the amazing rescue of the Lord.  The reality was that the Israelites were surrounded on every side – mountains to the right and left, a sea in front, and the Egyptian army barreling down from behind. Not an ideal situation.  Had the Lord saved them from slavery to place them in an impossible situation now? Heavens, no! He had already planned the glorious escape! The mind-blowing thing for me was the east wind was blowing from across the sea, parting the water to them!  Moses didn’t raise his hands and the water parted before him…the water parted from the opposite shore and came to them! God was already making a way out of the impossible before they knew they needed it! I love our God! Impossible situations are never impossible for God!  So the strength Israel needed in that situation was the strength to trust that their God who had brought them out of Egypt with hands full of provisions…their God who had led by day and night with pillars of smoke and fire…their God who had saved them would indeed save them again.   The strength came from trusting the LORD.

The second time the Israelites crossed water – the Jordan River – into the Promised Land, the priests had to stick their toes in the overflowing water and stay there until the people all crossed safely to the other side.  Once everyone was on the other side, Joshua instructed a man from each of the twelve tribes to take a stone from the place where the priests’ feet had stood. These stones which must have been quite large because they had to carry them out on their shoulders, were to be a remembrance of what God had done.

Maybe I need some memorial stones to remind me of the strength the Lord has given me in the past, of the many miraculous and beautiful ways God has walked me through difficult things, of the times He has given me wisdom, discernment, and grace to live well for Him.  What would my memorial look like? My beautiful children…perfect pictures of God’s love and blessing to me. Probably my book, “When Happily Ever After Shatters” because it is a true retelling of how God was with me throughout my husband’s abandonment and our divorce.  Maybe all the things I write down that honor God’s hand in my life.

I know and I’m reminded by His word that the only way to tap into His strength is to be with Him.

Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!  1 Chronicles 16:11

I do not believe it is possible to live in His strength without living in His presence.  Acknowledging Him. True strength is found in the presence of God. And of course the beauty of the Lord is that He chooses to stay with us…to live with us.  It is part of the Covenant. He truly does never leave us nor forsake us. I am reminded of all the times I found solace in His word. I could not hold God’s hands as I poured out my heart to Him, but I could open up that precious dog-eared book and find comfort in His words written for me.

But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. 2 Timothy 4:17

I almost took that verse and wrote only the first part because that was all I technically needed for what I want to convey.  But I believe that God’s word is richer for the context. Paul is sharing with Timothy that God was with him giving him strength in the life he was called to live.  God had called Paul to many difficult things and He stood beside him and strengthened him in every task…even the arduous ones. To say that Paul walked a challenging path is quite an understatement…beatings, imprisonments, shipwrecks…and yet, he is the writer who says,

Rejoice always, praying without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus in you.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

God’s will is for me to rejoice each step of this path…to continually be with Him…to be grateful, because He knows without a doubt that living a joy-filled life is living strong.

…for the joy of the LORD is your strength.  Nehemiah 8:10

This seems to go back to what Paul said about finding the secret to living in any circumstances.  Can I find joy even when things are decidedly different from what I’d have chosen? Can I find joy in my weariness?  Can I find joy in my life? The answer to those questions is yes. But I must ask myself, “Will I find joy?”

It’s like that old teacher joke when a student asks, “Can I go to the bathroom?”  And the teacher asks back, “I don’t know, can you?” There is no question that I can do something about living joyfully.  The tougher question is, “Will I?”

Will I seek strength in the Lord, or continue to search for it in myself?  Without the Lord, I do not have the strength I want to live well. There is no joy to be found in and of myself.  All that I need is found in Him. Will I seek Him?

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.I will be found by you, declares the LORD… Jeremiah 29:13-14a

I will find Him when I seek Him with ALL my heart.  In looking up verses on seeking God, I was brought to Hebrews 11 – the “By Faith” chapter.  And I was reminded that most if not all of those precious people mentioned were called out of comfort.  They were challenged to trust God. To believe that He could do immeasurably more than all they asked or imagined…in whatever circumstances they found themselves.  To believe that their strength was in the Lord, not their abilities or their circumstances. Oh to have that kind of faith…daily.

To believe that God is able to not just do the God-sized tasks, but the everyday pain in the rear overwhelming tasks of life as a single parent…as any parent, as any person for that matter…that is the blessing…that is the trusting…that is the strength.

Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees, Say to those who have an anxious heart, “Be strong; fear not!”  Isaiah 35:3-4

There is an element to this strength thing of just doing it.  Just believing God to be faithful to provide. I think sometimes I assume that strength is just going to pour over me like cool water on a hot day…reviving, energizing, and giving me what I need to keep keeping on.  But I believe strength is a decision to live for the Lord…to look beyond the struggle to the Savior.

I know, I know.  Sue, what do you mean?  How do you look beyond the piles of laundry, the stacks of bills, the teetering towers of dishes?  How do you hear His voice past the noise of children, the constant cell phone notifications, the emails that pile up in inboxes…

It is quite simple really.  You take a moment and pray. You make time to read His word.  You do it. You seek Him. Believe me, no….believe Him…He says when you seek Him, you WILL find Him.  

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

 

Posted on by Sue Birdseye · 2 Comments

Invisible

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I was standing in the shower thinking. It might be the only place that I can think because it drowns out all the other noises in my house, including the child jiggling the door knob and calling my name. I was thinking how I so want to write something encouraging.  Right now God has me as a single parent…a well-loved and supported single parent, but a single parent nonetheless. I don’t want to write just about the trials and tribulations or challenges and chaos of single parenting, but rather, I want to share the moments of triumph and the beauty of trusting God. Unfortunately, I don’t know where to start. I’m so busy living this life, I haven’t had time to write about this life!

Single parenting was never something that even crossed my mind…it wasn’t even on the list of things to avoid because I thought it was a given I wouldn’t ever be faced with these circumstances.  After all, I love the Lord. I married a Christian man. We didn’t even use the dreaded “d” word. It was super easy to avoid any thought of single parenting. Even seeing a single parent at church or out and about…all I felt was a bit of compassion.

I had no idea.

No idea how difficult this life is and I’m ashamed that I never reached out to any single parent that I can recall. Not once did I offer to babysit, make a meal, drive a child somewhere, visit, listen…not once did I even think about them. Maybe I did and I don’t recall, but I really don’t remember.

Single parents were the invisible people. The tired, harried looking people. Did they make bad life choices and now were suffering the consequences? Ugh. Did I ever really think that?  Maybe. I hope not, but I can see that my black and white  life of judging others would have led me to a self-righteous attitude towards those in less than perfect life situations. Oh my goodness, how difficult it is to think that about myself.

Thankfully, I do know that one of the benefits of going through adultery, abandonment, divorce, and single parenting is that my faith is softer, gentler, more grace-filled. I see people as people not their circumstances. I understand that although God’s truth is absolute, life is absolutely not.

Life is not an absolute. Unless we are going to say that it is absolutely not predictable. There is no formula for perfect success. There is nothing in the world that guarantees health, wealth, and happiness. The only solid foundation and hope and source of joy that does not disappoint is Jesus.

Even as I write that, I’m reminded of my prayers the other night. They were not the type of prayers that start or end with “Thank you Lord that you never disappoint me.” My silent prayers were angry and frustrated. I told God what I thought about what my child was experiencing. How it was simply, completely, and disappointingly unfair. “Lord, why does she have to suffer more? Why can’t things just be easy? Just one thing, Lord. Can just one thing in our life be uncomplicated and simply happy? No issues. No questions. No quandaries. No second-guessing. No frustrations. Just one blasted thing. Especially when it comes to these little people who just shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff.”  

I’m thankful that I can do that…that I can be totally honest about how I’m feeling with my God. No lightning hit me. No sudden illness overtook me. No ill-effects whatsoever. There is comfort in being honest. It isn’t like He was unaware of the situation or my feelings about it.

The interesting thing is my daughter who was sharing and crying in my arms, stopped and looked up at me. (Thankfully she was unaware of my tumultuous prayers.) She said, ‘You know Mommy, I was watching a boy sing on a show and he shared about his life. It was really bad. He didn’t have anything, even any parents. He’s adopted now, but he wasn’t until he was 9. And I thought that I shouldn’t be always complaining about my life. His was much worse. My life is not bad.”  (actual words)

Out of the mouth of babes…as they say…into the ears of the old. Yes Lord.  

Not that I think we should live without recognizing our struggles and challenges because God allows things to happen in our lives that can feel and are very difficult. But sometimes it is good to be reminded that even with those struggles and challenges we are blessed.

I am blessed.

Maybe as we talk about single parenting, that is the best place to start.  Recognizing that even though these life circumstances are not awesome, we are still blessed. Those small (or sometimes big) people God has graciously given us to love and raise are blessings. Huge blessings. It seems like a no-brainer to say that, but sometimes I act like this parenting thing is a burden not a blessing. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the stuff involved in parenting, I forget to just look at these precious people.

Just look at them…oh my heart!  

And honestly, I can think of about a hundred little things I take for granted that I shouldn’t. Like the fact that I can read words, type on a laptop, have a moment of quiet early in the morning, drink my hot cocoa coffee, sit on a comfy sofa in my comfortable and safe home, sleep on a bed loaded with pillows and blankets, feed my children 3 meals a day, drive us all to school together, buy the clothing and supplies that we need, wash and dry my clothes at home, afford to eat out every once in a awhile, talk to friends any time I need to, fellowship at church every week, and occasionally buy a book I can’t wait to read.

Better than all the small things – God has given me people who graciously love me.  Friends who never wavered when my life exploded or imploded or however you want to describe it.  Friends who include a single parent and her people in their family activities. Friends who love me regardless of my life circumstances. 

And even better, Jesus loves me…relentlessly, unconditionally, and compassionately.

I am not invisible to Him. Never was. Never will be.

I truly am blessed.