There is this thing I keep talking about. This thing called thankfulness. I keep coming back to it in my life and in my writing.
I think it is because God keeps bringing me back to it. Over and over and over again.
Today my devotional time included the verse I often use to deal with anxiety in my life (another common theme).
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
But what struck me was the thanksgiving part.
I know that the antidote to anxiety is gallons of gratefulness, but I have missed one significant aspect of this in my life.
And maybe this is just me, but I think that God is calling me not to just find something for which I can be thankful just to be thankful (although that is not bad), BUT to find something in the challenge, crisis, difficulty, stress for which I can thank God.
Right now my job feels very stressful and sometimes I find myself struggling to have a positive attitude about it. So, in my effort to have a better attitude I say, “But I’m so thankful for my house. I love the home God has provided for my children and me. I love the yard and the blooming gardens.” It definitely gives me a better attitude (at times), but it doesn’t necessarily change my attitude about work.
I think what God wants me to do is thank him for this job. This job that wrings the life out of me…that robs me of sleep, time, and my emotional and mental stability. (See…my attitude stinks.)
Yesterday as I was driving home I was pondering the joy and gratefulness I felt upon hearing I had received this job. How thrilled and thankful I was at that moment! Now, I keep asking, “God, what was your plan in this? Because I was already pretty weary and exhausted before this job…I got nothin’ left to give.”
Tonight I prayed, “Father, I know that this is the place you have me right now. Please show me the things I can thank you for in it. Please change my attitude, change my mind about this job. Please open my heart up to what you are doing. And Father, please please show me how to not be so very overwhelmed with all I have to do, all the insurmountable challenges, all the things that cause me to have anxious thoughts and fussy feelings. Lord, please be glorified in even this.”
Even as I pray that prayer, I’m thinking, but Lord please change my circumstances for the better. Please make being a single working mom less difficult.
And then I think, but why should it be easier for me? Why should I deserve better?
How many single working parents feel overwhelmed? How many single working parents are exhausted, weary, and desperate for a change of circumstances? I daresay, a fair number.
Maybe the answer won’t be a change of circumstances, or maybe it will and those won’t be much better…yikes. (way to think positively…Lord, I’m thankful for the ability to think…please let it be positive.)
Our prayer could be, “Lord, if this is where you have me, please give me your peace.”
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trust in you. Isaiah 26:3
How often have I quoted that verse? Times without number I have grabbed hold of that verse and begged for that perfect peace. I have thought, Lord I’m trying to keep my mind on you, but it wanders often because there is so much to do and so little time and I feel like such a failure. I can’t figure out how to get on top of things. I can’t figure out how to do this life well. I want relief. I want peace. Perfect peace.
Lord, help me stay my mind on you.
And then, I looked up this verse and I thought, “Yes! I get part of this!”
Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving, and perform your vows to the Most High, and call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me. Psalm 50:14-15
Did you see the word? The word that just jumped off the beautifully well-worn and underlined pages of my beloved Bible?
Thanksgiving can be sacrificial.
Sometimes my gratefulness seems forced. Thanking God in the challenges and disappointments of my life can be difficult. Sometimes I do it out of obedience.
In my little notebook, I make lists of things I love and am thankful for…silly stuff like the sound of a car driving over gravel, the squeak of shoes on a basketball court, the smell of dinner in the oven, the feel and potential of a completely blank page in front of me, the smiling eyes of my children, still reading with my 15 year old son at night, laughter, a lesson plan completed and successful, a quiet classroom, and even pulling weeds in my lovely gardens (at least I hope they are weeds!).
My lists can put me in a better place for a moment, but the big difficult thing still looms over me and I can’t seem to find a good word to utter about it. And it takes mere moments for the big difficult thing to stomp out all my joy and pour stress, anxiety, and irritation all over me.
I think that big difficult thing needs to be stopped, but God hasn’t stopped it yet. So what do I do with it?
I think I can make that big difficult thing smaller by finding something about it that isn’t terrible…something that is relatively good…maybe something that I can genuinely thank God for.
Maybe this is the solution for all my big difficult things! I have a fair number of them right now…imagine all the thankfulness I could have if I threw a little the way of each big difficult thing!
Truly. That would be a fair amount of thankfulness.
I believe when I shut off this computer and pull out my journal later tonight, I will not just list my thankful thoughts. I will list my big difficult things and make some notes of things I can find to thank God for even regarding those big difficult things.
Then my focus won’t be on how big those things are, but on God and how even in those things that I can’t figure out, can’t stand, can’t bear, can’t beat, God is there blessing me.
That sounds like some staying of my mind on God.
And I’m sure that as I do that God will give me peace…perfect peace that passes all understanding.