Just One Day at a Time

IMG_1866I tend to be a “nervous Nelly”…a second guesser…a wring-my-hands in worry woman…a twisted up in knots decision-maker…

That probably isn’t a surprise if you’ve read my blogs.

I’m currently doing a Bible study about discerning God’s will.  It has been great.  Nothing earth-shattering, but still convicting as I seek His will on other decisions.

And, God has done something miraculous in my heart. My ever kind Father.

I was talking with one of my dearest friends on the way to Bible study last week and I shared how I felt that maybe I wasn’t supposed to feel such a burden to figure things out or worry about things.  (Well, I know i’m not supposed to worry about things, but sometimes it happens….LOL.)

I felt a strong prompting to just live the day before me.  Just wake up ready to obey, honor, and love God.  Just wake up ready to do the tasks He puts before me today.

It hasn’t revolutionized the amount I get done (sure wish it would increase it), nor has it meant answers to decisions that I still need to make, but it has given me a sense of peace and even a sense of purpose as I seek to follow my Savior.

I wish I could say that each day I have woken up and obeyed from start to finish…honored through joy and difficulty….yeah, unfortunately not so much.  I am undeniably just way too human.

My dreaded to-do list is ridiculously long and complicated.  And my days are packed with errands and activities.  Today hasn’t ended and I’ve already driven over 60 miles!  That’s nuts!

I had planned to check off all the phone calls I need to make. Alas, I have not been able to, but I am sitting blissfully at one of my favorite places…the library.  Surrounded by stacks of books because my daughters have the same love of books that I do.  I’m not sure who has the largest stack.  I’ve been considering in what miraculous way we are going to get all the books to the car!

Although I can’t make phone calls, I can write.  Something I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

I’ve never had writer’s block, but I’ve felt writer’s hesitancy (my own special condition).  I have felt wary to share good things and hesitant to share difficulties.  I’ve received some interesting comments about my need to be more positive about things, as well as some about how blessed someone is because I share my challenges.

I think God has me in a place of trying to discern what my voice will be at this point in my life.  In this season…am I ready to mix things up a bit.  To flip my very challenging life on its ear?  Am I up for sharing things from a more positive point of view…and what in the world does that look like?  Will it be a blessing to others?  Will it offend?

My prayer is that others will be encouraged that there is some light at the end of the tunnel.  I don’t think I’m completely out of my tunnel yet, and I’m sure there will be other tunnels, but I think the key to walking this sometimes dark path is hope.

And hope is what I have.

As I face each day, just this day, I have hope that God will meet me in it.  He will walk with me.  Stay beside me.

If this journey has taught me anything, anything at all, it is that God never leaves me nor forsakes me.  Even when I leave and forsake Him.  He is continually faithful and loving, even when I am faithless and unloving to Him.  He is infinitely grace-filled, even when I seem to be unendingly sin-filled.

Throughtout these 6 years I have struggled in many, many ways.  I have sinned in many, many ways as well.  I’d prefer not to share them with you, to be honest.  I pray God never requires that of me.  Just suffice it to say, I’m a big, fat sinner.

BUT God (oh how I love that phrase).  But GOD!  He loves me like no other.  He forgives me so many times…so many times for the same blasted things.

And that love and grace and mercy and faithfulness repeatedly is the story of my life…the story in my storm.

BUT GOD…

So today (and tomorrow, and the next day)….I might get overwhelmed realizing how much there is to do and the dwindling days of summer that remain…BUT GOD…God has called me to live today.  Live today well.

I cannot live today well, if I’m twisted in knots about tomorrow.  I cannot live today for His glory if I’m focused on my not messing up the future.  I cannot love Him well, if I don’t trust Him enough to rest in what He has placed before me today.

Today…this day is almost over, but it has been a good day.  Tomorrow, I hope to be even better.  I could worry about it, BUT GOD…I’m choosing to trust.

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A Moment of Still

photo (35)A long wooden farm table, enough to seat a quiverful and some friends, tea in the cup my oldest daughter chose for me while at the beach with friends, a highlighted, underlined and well-loved Bible open before me, and quiet…my perfect morning.

God has blessed me this morning with this beautiful moment of still.

A moment of reflection of all that He has done for me.  Today my heart overflows with gratitude for a new home which has already become filled with laughter and joy.

I feel like David when he knelt before the altar and prayed these words:

“Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?  And yet, this was a small thing in your eyes, O Lord GOD.  You have spoken also of your servant’s house for a great while to come, and this is instruction for mankind, O Lord GOD! And what more can David say to you?  For you know your servant, O Lord GOD!  Because of your promise, and according to your own heart, you have brought about all this greatnesss, to make your servant know it.  Therefore you are great, O LORD God.  For there is none like you, and there is no God besides you, according to all that we have heard with our ears.” 2 Samuel 7:18-22

Indeed, who am I Lord?  How have you blessed me so?  And yet, it was no giant thing for you because you are so wonderful, loving, faithful, and kind.  Nothing is too great for you, Lord.  Your power is beyond my understanding.  You have been faithful to me and my house.  You have promised to never leave me nor forsake me, and I believe you will not.  You love me Lord – despite my failures and sins.  You are the source of all that is good in my life, Father.  And I know it!  There is no God like my God.

The second night we were in our new home amist hastily packed boxes of odds and ends (those dreaded odds and ends), I stepped outside to take clothes off the clothesline (I had specifically prayed for that clothesline and God even provided that little detail!  How sweet is my Father!).  As I walked across my beautiful yard I was overwhelmed with gratitude and awe of how deeply I am loved by my Creator.  How kind He is to me and my children.

In this blessing of a home  –  which we prayed mighty hard for – God has shown us His love in not only the provision of a home but in a hundred little things too.  Sometimes it’s the little things that speak loudest to me.  The hoped for clothesline, the bountiful berry bushes, the precious nests of baby birds on the porch, the porch swing, the pretty mailbox, the lovely window treatments left behind…there are so many little blessings all around us.  Each room holds a treasure…something that reminds me how my great God takes care of not just the big things but the little things as well.  That He is not a God of just the big prayers answered, but little wishes and hopes fulfilled.

It reminds me of the verses about God taking care of the sparrows and the flowers.  (Matthew 6:25-34).  It is a beautiful reminder that God provides.  My new yard is full of flowers, which I am fervently hoping I can nurture because I most certainly do not have a green thumb!  It feels like each day I find another glorious bloom somewhere in the yard.  It is awe-inspiring to me.  Such beauty and grace simply growing in my yard.  I’m so thankful.

I keep having to pinch myself.  This house, this yard, these children…all my blessings?  Truly?  How kind and loving is my Father!

My Father is beyond generous to me…I always know that no matter what He will provide, help, and love me.

And boy oh boy!  Have I been blessed!  Provided for!  Helped!  And loved!!!

As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.

 1Timothy 6:17

I have never noticed that verse before…it says “enjoy” – not need, but enjoy!  Wow!  How cool is that!

I know that God supplies all my needs, and I see that in the house He has provided for us.

I know that He also richly supplies things to enjoy as well, and I see that in the home He has given us full of reminders of a God of loving details.

I’m so excited to share God’s blessing and provision – how He has begun turning my mourning to dancing; and loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness!  (Psalm 30:11-12)  How my joy has come this morning!  (Psalm 30:5)

The past 10 months have been some of the most challenging of my life…I have felt overwhelmed, exhausted, sorrowful, and even a bit hopeless at times.  Although I struggled, I knew deep down that I could trust God…I didn’t always feel it, but I did know it.  I described it as my feet firmly planted in the peaceful current of belief in a faithful and loving God even while the storm raged around me.  Living in a hurricane.

Now I feel a respite from the storm…a peaceful moment of blessing.  Oh how I have needed this…how my childen have needed this.

And right now, I want to encourage you that God is working in your life…even while things are difficult and it seems like He has forgotten you and your circumstances.  He has not.  He is working mightily on your behalf.
It reminds me of the verses in Jeremiah when God tells Israel that He has a plan for them, a plan to prosper them and not to harm them. (Jeremiah 29:11-14) That plan was shared during their captivity.  In fact God was telling Israel that at the same time He was informing them that they were going to be in captivity for another 70 years.

“For thus says the LORD: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place.  For I know the plans I  have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.”  Jeremiah 29:10-14

During those 40 years God told them to “build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce.”  Have families, work hard, and make lives, and pray!  Pray for not only themselves but the very place they found themselves.  They weren’t just to sit in their captivity and wait for the good to happen, they were to live their lives and see God’s provision, grow from His preparation, and learn perseverance and trust.

Right not, I can look back and see what God did to get me to this place.  I cannot honestly say that I’m thankful for what I’ve been through, but I am thankful for where God has brought me.  In a several weeks I will head back to work and the children will head back to school and life will be nuts again.  And I pray that I will remember to pray, to live, to worship, to be thankful…that I will trust that on difficult days and in challenging moments God is working on my behalf.  He is always looking to my best interest.  At no point does God sit back and let things go willy-nilly on their way.  He has a plan, a good plan, and I’m part of that plan.

So today, I sit quietly reflecting on what He has brought us through and where He has brought us.  I sit gratefully praising my Father for His kind and loving provision.  And I sit expectantly of all that He will do in our lives…how He will enable me to use this home for His glory.