“You’re not my mom, Mom.”
When my 6 year old said this we all chuckled a bit that while referring to me as Mom she declared me “not mom.”
Lately my sweet daughter has discovered that she can wield a pretty hefty weapon against me. Unfortunately, I still haven’t figure out the proper defense.
My two youngest daughters were adopted through foster care. Their adoption has never been a secret. We talk about it and I try and answer any questions I can…with a heaping load of discretion.
Lately though when my youngest daughter is in trouble, she has taken to saying, “I want my other mommy!”
She has been known to call for many people in her state of discipline distress…Poppy, Grandma, Zachary, Emma, Peter, the dog and even Santa…and thankfully Jesus.
Usually I have a good answer…or I just choose to say nothing.
Her wail for the “other mommy” is just a ploy. She and I both know it.
But there is something to the “other” mommy thing that just gets me. And I think it might also get her.
I know she doesn’t mean to hurt me to the depth she does. I know she is just trying to make me crazy…which she does do really well, but ugh…
I can’t help but run ahead years in my head and think about her as a hormonal teenager armed with her “get away from mom” free card.
And to be honest, I’m pretty sure I’ll be menopausal at the same time so beware! When you see the windows pulsating in my house, run!!
Anyway. I digress.
So, I need help! I don’t know how to help my little girl with this issue. AND I don’t know how to help me either.
Thankfully I haven’t been fussy with her…well not too much.…Oh dear, I have been fussy.
It is so difficult sometimes to be the mommy.
In my head and heart I’m making this a really big deal because I see what the potential issues could be.
And you know what? I’m NOT trusting God with this.
Remember when Jesus said, “Do NOT worry about tomorrow”?
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34
Yeah well…I’ve been worried a lot. And it has not done me any good at all.
As always, Jesus is right.
And I believe I’ve missed the beauty of this command.
What does worry take from me?
Well it definitely robs me of my joy that’s for sure. The joy of being in today and knowing God’s got tomorrow.
The joy of trusting.
In this situation how do I need to trust God?
I need to trust that
- God gave me this precious girl because it was His perfect plan that I be her mommy .
- God knew when he entrusted this beautiful little person to me that my husband and her father would leave
- God will never leave us nor forsake us.
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
- God knew I’d be a single mamma with 5 kids – that I’d be overwhelmed, exhausted, and definitely not perfect at being mamma.
- God will be the perfect husband and father to us
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. Psalm 68:5
- God knew this little one would be oh so spicey…and that I’d need Him to raise her
- With God I can be the Mom my kids need – even to Miss Sassy-Pants
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
- God loves us…unconditionally.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:7-8
That’s one of those words I take for granted. It’s huge in its application and beautiful in its practicality.
I looked up the definition:
Unconditional: with no conditions or limitations: complete or guaranteed, with no conditions, limitations, or provisos attached.
My Father loves me without conditions or limitations. There is no limit to His perfect love! Oh my goodness…I’m overwhelmed (in a good way!)
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. 1 John 4:18
I can’t really comprehend it but oh how desperately I want to model that for my children. I don’t think it is possible…I get annoyed too easily and can be so unloving.
But God loves my children unconditionally…maybe I can’t model it perfectly but I can pray that God will love my children through me.
And as I answer hard and sometimes hurtful questions, God can give me kind, loving words. Words that soothe achy hearts and heal broken hearts.
God’s words…soothing, healing and loving.
Making that list of what I can trust God for really helped me. I think I might have to do that with some other issues in my life. It really blessed me to see them written out.
Golly, God is good!
I think heading into the fray of single parenting with a trusting heart is going to make a big difference in being able to love my children well.
God can handle them and me…God will love me and love my children in the best way possible!
Today and tomorrow.