Okay. Seriously when did bedtime go from a sweet time of books, prayers and song…to wailing and gnashing of teeth??? I can’t remember when the change happened this summer, but happen it did. Summer is just the worst. Last night my youngest daughters where unwilling to consider bed… “Why is it light outside? Surely that… Continue reading Bedtime Prayers
Recently it seems I have had to fill out a ridiculous number of forms that all require me to write down my status…single, married, divorced, widowed… It’s amazing how much I want to deny my actual status. Who would have thought I’d ever wish I could check any box but divorced? Just being honest. I… Continue reading Little Boxes…annoying little boxes
I’m a gardener-wannabe. I have so many friends who have flourishing gardens. Alas, I have a black thumb when it comes to gardening. No one truly has believed me until now. This summer, I have proof. And it isn’t even the dead cherry tree in the side yard. My yard is full of clover and… Continue reading Growing My Grassy Garden and Other Things
I’ve always said that the adjective that best describes my house is “sticky” – not the most sought after description I know. But today, I feel like I might actually be living in the bottom of an old cracker box…full of crumbs and cracker dust. Seriously, everywhere I look is a preponderance of dust. Not sure what changed but…dang!
Recently I have had SO much to do and SO little time to do it. It isn’t like that is unusual for me, but this time I have a contractual deadline for a project so I gotta get it done and I can’t just do my usual fly by the seat of my pants thing. I must do this really well. Actually I’d prefer to do everything really well.
Last month was crazy busy. I don’t think I’ve ever understood that phrase to the extent that I do now. Between end of the school year activities, room mom responsibilities, senior graduation and all the accompanying things, parties, birthdays, 3 trips out of town to help with my parents’ health issues, and…oh yeah…I got the first edits of a big project in the middle of it all. Nothing like “perfect” timing. I must believe that God has this all under control because I most definitely do not.
I seem to be back in my sleep-a-little, work-a-lot mode. And unfortunately, as I’m working so hard on so many things, my house gets dustier and dustier and dustier. The dishes get done, the laundry gets done and meals get made. Well….meals…hmmmm…I feel like I’m not doing the best job on that front either…thankfully I have children who are good eaters because I’m throwing veggies and fruit at them all the time to make up for the lame meals I’m preparing. I’m blessed to have understanding children…who are also quite good at flying by the seat of their pants!
See I am helping my children without even realizing it! I’m helping them be flexible, spontaneous and not easy flustered by unexpected scheduling issues. I love how God can take one of my many flaws and turn it around to something kinda positive.
So now I’m figuring out how to breath better in the midst of my sticky,dusty chaos…I’m trying to chill a bit. Do any of you struggle with chillin’? I’m finding it incredibly difficult not to feel like I’m in a whirlwind mentally, emotionally, and even physically lately. I believe it all begins with simply too much to think about, consider, deal with and decide. I’m wanting a mental break not a mental breakdown. Being mentally overloaded tends to make me feel emotionally spent as well. I feel frazzled and a bit hopeless in my outlook which tends to make me either sad or fussy depending on the situation or day. All that mental and emotional baggage makes my bed lumpy so I don’t tend to sleep well. I have some silly health issues which make sleep imperative so if I don’t get sleep I worry about my health and then I feel worse. Know what I mean? Mind games…and not fun ones.
Thankfully, I feel like I’m coming out on the other side of my little black rain cloud…or maybe I should say my funnel cloud. And it isn’t because things have necessarily gotten “better,” but I believe I’ve gotten better at dealing with things – those blasted things that destroy my peace, overwhelm me and make my house dusty.
My faith is strengthening me – God has not abandoned me. I’m continually learning to trust Him. He is working all this for good in my life because I love Him. My friends are strengthening me with kind and encouraging words…and also a few “put your big girl pants on” words. My children are strengthening me simply because I love them so dearly and want to give them my best. They don’t need a whiny, fussy, overwhelmed mommy! And I am putting on my big girl pants because I want to be the best woman and mom I can be.
I must get my focus off of the chaos and onto the hope God gives me. And I’ll have to get used to the dust because the to do list isn’t shrinking anytime soon!