Not only that but there are books on the chest at the foot of my bed, stacked in bookshelves throughout my house, and in various bags I carry around in the off chance I’ll have a moment to read.
I joke that my house is combustible.
The other day I had a moment to pick up a book, but I couldn’t figure out which one I should read…
The book to help me discern how best to raise my sons to be godly young men?
The book about helping my teenage daughter makes good and healthy decisions?
The book about learning issues for my 1st grade daughter?
The book about parenting strong-willed children for my youngest daughter?
The book about dealing with emotions for me?
The book about believing God’s word in an age of skepticism for my brain?
The books about trust or grace or peace or hope or relationships?
Or the mystery novel hidden beneath them all just waiting to be enjoyed?
I can’t even say I have a preference at this moment. I just want to have read them all so I can already know what I need to do!
A few months ago I decided that I didn’t want to read another parenting book…ever. And yet I have a stack of books on my nightstand that in one way or another could be considered parenting books.
Right now everything is up in the air. Literally everything. I have no idea where God is going to lead me…how my kids are going to be educated….what I’m going to be doing…where we will be living…
It seems that all my perfect scenarios are on hold…everything is in someone else’s hands And it would be easy for me to think that that someone else is the administrator or principal at a school, or the potential buyer of my house, or a book publisher, or any number of people in my life…
But the reality is…the REALITY is that Someone else’s hand is in control. God’s.
And I am at once thankful for the realization and also struggling to rest in that knowledge. It seems that God has not often done things the way I would have liked…or in the way I think would be best for us. And I get all twisted up in knots because I want so desperately for things to go one way and I have a feeling that isn’t the way they are going to go.
I keep having to remind myself that I TRUST GOD! Because I do. I do trust Him. I know I can trust Him…and I know He is going to handle all this stuff in the perfect way. It’s just so much stuff and it is so difficult to give up control of all of it. And yet, I don’t really want to be in charge…I hate making decisions. I just want God to show me what to do and I’ll do it.
I think my problem is with His timing. It seems to take Him forever to show me. I joke that He usually reveals it to me in the 11th hour and 59th minute. Apparently the Lord REALLY wants me to trust Him.
So I’m excited to see how my life is going to come together. I’m so very curious about where God is going to have us this fall. I’m intrigued by how He is going to address the issues…resolve the difficulties…meet me in the struggles.
I know that He will. He always has before. Right now though, I just want an update. I just want Him to reveal something…a glimpse of the plan. But I don’t think that’s gonna happen.
I’m learning to live these verses:
I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1
Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:14
Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices! Psalm 37:5-7
Have you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31
I see a theme of patience. Ugh.
Just to be honest, I have NOT prayed for patience. (I know better. :) )
Patience is not one of my virtues. I know I have the Holy Spirit so I have that fruit in my life. I just don’t often take bites of it. I’m probably more likely to wing that piece of fruit at a problem rather than apply it gently.
But I believe that God is asking me to trust patiently. And even though I know I can absolutely trust my Father…I gotta be honest that I want answers now…in fact, I wanted answers yesterday, last week, long before now. I’ve got things to do, decisions to make, and places to go (or not go)…I need direction.
I keep thinking I’ll find it somewhere, but unfortunately I don’t believe any of the massive number of books I own are going to tell me what to do or exactly what God is going to do. I can read them though and many will remind me of how great is my God and how worthy of my trust He is!
I’ve said it before and I’m saying it again, God has a plan, it’s already in motion, and it is good!
Maybe I won’t worry about which book on my nightstand I’ll read, but rather I’ll pick up my Bible. I’ll remind myself of my great God who has orchestrated amazing things throughout history and who will beautifully orchestrate my life and the lives of my children. I just need to BE STILL and BE QUIET and BE READY!