uptomytoes

Hope & Humor for Single & Divorced Parents

Am I Lovable?

on June 4, 2014

ImageI’ve caught the spring cleaning bug…unfortunately at the moment I’ve always actually caught some other bug so I don’t have the energy to do all that I planned to do today. L

But I did have enough energy to organize some shelves in my bedroom.  I found a journal from a while back and read through much of it.  I found something that I thought I’d share:

                Tonight I realized that I really don’t believe anyone REALLY loves me.  That’s a problem.  A big problem.  No wonder I struggle with anything negative that happens – I’m not at all secure in being loved.  I suppose that means I’m probably not that secure in God’s love either.  Everything…EVERYTHING…in my life speaks to the reality of that love and yet I question it?  What’s wrong with me?  Seriously.

                I can’t keep going back to the past to define myself – I’ve got to define myself by the present.  Is that right though?  The present?  Or is it more than that?  Defining myself as a Daughter of the King who is faithfully and constantly loved by Him.

                I know God’s love is completely unconditional.  But it has seemed like everyone else’s is so conditional.  Some of those feelings and fears are irrational…some are based in fact, but is it THE fact I want to base my life on?  No!  I want to base my life on the real and true fact that Jesus loves me without condition.  I’m lovable because He loves me. 

                Maybe I need to believe that better…that I’m lovable…that someone might possibly love me just for me…just as I am.  God has shown that to be true…He loves me just as I am.  That reminds me of that beautiful hymn…I used to sing it for my kids at bedtime.  Maybe I should start again. 

“Just as I am without a plea, but that thy blood was shed for me.  And that thou bidst me come to thee, O Lamb of God, I come…I come.”  I bet I would love others better if I grasped how loved I truly am.

That was over a year ago and I believe that God has worked mightily in my life regarding this, but I still struggle at times.  Still want to be assured that I’m worth the whole “love you” thing.  I suppose it is kind of understandable based on my ex-husband’s actions, but certainly not a place I want to remain.  And I definitely think God doesn’t want me there either.  And probably everyone else in my life would prefer I leave this place as well.

When I think of love, one of the first verses that pops into my mind is:

And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it:  You shall love your neighbor as yourself.  Matthew 22:37-39

That’s a whole lot of lovin’!  Loving God, loving others, loving myself.  Isn’t it interesting that it sometimes is most difficult to love ourselves….to believe we are worth loving.

And love…it isn’t something I do because I feel like it.  I love because I choose to, because God made me to love.

When I found out about my husband’s adultery, I had to make a deliberate and crazy choice to love the man anyway.  I now understand choosing to love someone.  I know the sacrifice and challenges of that decision.  I believe in this case it was a God-honoring decision and He most definitely gave me the grace to do it.  Absolutely not in my own strength, but God’s!

The love I was able to offer my husband was because God’s love was spilling out of me.  I was not the source of it…it did not come from me.   I love because there is love in my life because I have Him.

After all, love is never apart from God.  How can it be when God is love?

…God is love, and whoever abides in love, abides in God, and God abides in him.  1 John 4:16

So if I have God in my life…if I abide in Him and He abides in me…how can I not be lovable?  And loving.

It isn’t about how someone loves me or doesn’t love me…although that certainly can make me feel wonderfully great or tragically awful.  I have certainly felt both ends of the spectrum. But I know…

Love is about God.  It really is.

Any and all the love in the world is only because of God. And amazingly He is loving and gracious enough to offer that same love to us without condition.

God’s love is ours simply because He loves us.

For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.  I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you.  Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.   Isaiah 43:3-4

 I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.   Again I will build you, and you shall be built.  Jeremiah 31:3

We are the objects of His affection.

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.  1 John 3:1

We are lovable because we are loved deeply by God.

In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  1 John 4:10

We are lovable because we were made to love and be loved.

We love because he first loved us.  1 John 4:19

We are lovable because God says so.

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.  John 15:9

I believe God loves me…He has proven it.  How can I doubt my ability to be loved…lovable?

No matter what someone says or does to me that feeds my fear of being unlovable, God says nothing at all can separate me from His love.  Nothing.  That means nothing I do or say or think or have or don’t have, nothing anyone else does or thinks or says…nothing is going to impact the Father’s love for me.  It’s true.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39

Some of us have been through a very difficult experience – and even that seems like an understatement.

Being betrayed and left by the one who promised to live life with you – the person who promised to love you no matter what life threw your way…that is a difficult thing to get over.  Things you never thought would change did.  The love you thought was a definite wasn’t…but God’s love stays the same because God stays the same.  He doesn’t ever stop loving and He doesn’t ever leave or forsake.  He will faithfully love us for eternity.

We can totally, completely, and confidently rest in the fact that we are loved.

We are indeed loveable.

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7 responses to “Am I Lovable?

  1. philvento says:

    Sue, the Lord has blessed you with an amazing talent. I rarely comment at all but read often. I just want you to know how the Lord is working an awesome healing through your writings. I’m sure it’s healing for you too and that’s a big part of how God is ministering to you also by giving you this talent. Even through the enormity of sin the Father has never, no not ever left us alone! I hope these few short words articulate so much more the appreciation for the time you take to do this while enduring all your pain AND raising five children, jeez how do you do it, lol?. Well, by staying focused on Him who is more than able to see us through on to His marvelous light! We are weak, He is most definitely, and infinitely our strength more than we could ever imagine, or understand, so we all need to get over it and accept His great love for us period. That’s how we overcome, yeah, it’s really that elementary, but oh so powerful.

    In His Love and Care Always – Matt. 11 28-30

    Phil

  2. Morgan Lloyd says:

    I read your posts regularly and find great encouragement from them. I am a single mom of a two year old and my husband of five years also left me for an affair. I needed to hear this message today. I have felt okay and healed for a while, but occasionally moments of sadness will creep back in that I have to give over to Jesus. I found myself feeling kind of emotionally numb today and then I read your post. It made me realize that loving ourselves is an action we take even when we don’t feel it, just like loving another person happens sacrificially when we don’t feel like it. It can be hard to navigate through our emotions at times, but they are not the final say on my actions, Christ’s love is. Thank you for your obedience to Christ and how he has used your words to remind me of the truth in his scriptures once again.

  3. Kelly says:

    Dear Sue,
    (For you personally, )
    I am writing to say thank you and good bye.
    Thank you because I started reading your blog during a difficult time in my life and it helped to know someone understood, had been there and knew my feelings. For that, I say thank you!
    I am also saying good bye. I find lately that reading your blog is depressing me.
    I wish I was your friend and I could say stop obsessing over the fact that you aren’t perfect. Work to be better every day but don’t get so bogged down when you aren’t perfect. Don’t get down if you can’t spend an hour in the Word. Plan for 10 minutes and every minute above that is a blessing.
    Get over your husband. You say you have forgiven him but there is clearly so much anger left in you. Don’t give him that power over you. Quit the negative comments about him with your children. You are bigger than that and that is not what God wants from us.
    So your dream is gone. Many of us have face that and have to create new dreams. This is where you are. Let go of the dream you think you deserve. Let go of your view of your “perfect marriage” because clearly it wasn’t perfect for him. You have many blessings that a lot of single Mom’s don’t have. Your ex isn’t using drugs or abusing alcohol. He sees his children. He pays child support. You don’t have to work outside the home. Right there, you are miles ahead of some of us.
    You seem stuck. Over the course of the time I’ve read your blog, you don’t seem to be making progress in having a healthier, happier life. What he did was awful for you and your children. However, its done. You can let it ruin the rest of your life or you can live the glorious life God intends for you. I totally disagree with how he handled his issues but you almost seem to love being the victim. The more chaos you experience, the more you can continue to blame him. Is that really what God’s perfect plan for you is?

    I’m sorry if I sound harsh but I wish you the best in your life. I just don’t find your posts uplifting anymore and I feel so bad everytime I read them.
    In Christ, Kelly

    • God doesn’t ask us to deny the pain, David never did, he constantly verbalized and went to God with his frustrations and troubles but always in the end he affirmed the Lord and who He is. I do not see what Sue writes as wavering away from this process of healing in any shape or form that is unhealthy.

  4. philvento says:

    God doesn’t ask us to deny the pain, David never did, he constantly verbalized and went to God with his frustrations and troubles but always in the end he affirmed the Lord and who He is. I do not see what Sue writes as wavering away from this process of healing in any shape or form that is unhealthy.

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